If you have young adults living at home, what does their rent cover?

[Brunocatmon]

My ds is 21, almost 22. He's worked in hospitality his whole working life ( he started work 2 days after he turned 16 ).

Recently he changed jobs to a more secure job with decent contracted hours with more regular pay than before.

Ds's gf ( same age, 21) also lives with me.

Then I have dd who is 14.

The 2 young adults pay rent. £200 a month. This is all in.

In a couple of weeks my eldest dd (30) , her fiance, and 2 dc are moving in from overseas until they find themselves a house to buy. Realistically this could be a good few months.

Dd ( 18) is also moving back in from overseas.( she lives with them at)

I was talking to eldest dd and she said so if we give you X rent then we'll get groceries but if people want expensive extras they get it themselves is that OK?

I said their rent is inclusive of groceries unless expensive treats etc.

It just got me wondering. If your adult dc pay rent what does it include?

19yo (Alevels last summer and now doing level 3 AAT apprenticeship).

Pays me £100pm which basically covers the extra council tax (loss of single person discount) and a contribution to utilities.
This clearly isn't any kind of living rent and one of my conditions was he saves at least £500pm.

He buys and cooks his own food, there are some things we will share (milk etc), but he'll buy them as often as I do.
Buys his own toiletries and clothes, pays his own mobile bill, runs his car (which admittedly was his grandparents 2nd car).

Similar situation here - ds and his girlfriend pay £80 per week between them, this covers the extra in electricity they cost me, dd will pay the same after uni when she has a job. This provides basic family food but anything extra they pay for

I find it particularly odd when people charge their DC who are doing apprenticeships. If they had chosen the uni route, you would have been expected and required to support the costs of doing that.

They are effectively saving you thousands by doing the apprenticeship option, and you are also going to make them give up the pittance of a wage they get.

Uni wouldn't necessarily cost the parent thousands - it depends on parental income.
My 22yo ds1 had full loans and consequently has £60k of debt.
My 19yo ds2 is doing an apprenticeship, but isn't on minimum apprenticeship wage. It isn't a pittance and he has more than enough monthly income to enjoy his leisure time, save, run his car, buy his food and pay a very nominal amount for his housing.

How would a Spanish parent afford to pay for food for numerous adults, plus their partners plus grandchildren? They must all be very wealthy! Good luck to them! Some British parents aren’t so lucky so your Spanish boyfriend can sneer all he likes. Adults are adults and should bear the financial cost of feeding themselves. Some cultures would be horrified at the prospect of leeching off their elders.

My two are early 20s and live with us. Both work, theoretically full time, but eldest has a haphazard shift pattern, younger has two regular jobs paid at a higher rate than their sibling and generally more hours a week.

I'd like to charge a bit for bills and food, which I wouldn't call rent as such, but with one earning less at the moment, it isn't really fair. Also, it's not the case that we need money from them, just that we want them to realise that life will throw up boring expenses.

Basically they cover their own phones, clothing, travel, luxuries, entertainment and some food (because they don't want what I have bought!).

Both have had some mental health issues so I want to be supportive but also give them experience of managing money. It's a work in progress.

Aged 22, pays £300 per month. Earns £36k.

All bills and food in that. He buys his own deodorant etc.

He has no debt, owns a small second hand car to get to work, but doesn’t owe anything on that.

We buy him lots of extra bits too.

We are not very short of money, but he earns good money so can contribute to the household.

I paid rent from age 17.

When did food become something included in rent? I wish I’d know when I was renting my landlord owes me several years worth of food!

Over the last 60 or so years Britain has become a country of small families living together. Other countries not so much. Just as children may move back home, so too would it be normal for families to have elderly parents coming to live with them. It’s a wider support network. Money is obviously important, but, just as any family, other things are more important. It’s communal and family oriented.

My ds and his girlfriend lived with me and earned a lot more than I do. My daughter is 20 and works full time and earns more than I do. I am a single parent and also have 2 younger ones at home. I would have loved to be able to say they didn’t have to pay rent but I was not/am not in that situation. So we agreed we add all the bills together and divide by number of people living here and they would each pay their share. They were happy with this as it felt as though they were treated like grown ups they are etc and it enabled them to save for a decent deposit to buy a house. We were all happy with it. We shared fridge/freezer/larder but they also had their own cupboard for special food just for themselves. They knew the budget for food shopping each week. They also had to cook their fair share for everyone,clean the bathroom and be responsible for their own washing. It has worked really well.

Because as many posters have pointed out, the ‘rent’ they charge their kids is usually just to cover their (adult) child’s food and sometimes other increased costs of having them living at home. It isn’t actually rent. Where could you rent for £200 a month with all your bills and full board included?

I think it's hard to compare, especially across cultures where expectations on parents, adult kids and extended family are different. As well as the cost of property and ability to pass on through generations, which can all be very different.

Also very family situations can be very different.
Some adult kids are responsible and trying to help themselves and are warm and kindhearted to their parents.

Some are not.

I have lived in 3 different countries so have some experience in this.

I mean I’m not sure you wouldn’t struggle to get a month’s worth of food for £200 let alone utilities, Council Tax, TV licence, etc…

It’s quite an easy concept in the language, rent is the cost you pay for living in a property; many other terms can be used for the other things: bills; food; cost of living etc.

Calling it rent implies that they are tenants in a property. Getting to an age when you feel you might be able to and want to contribute to those other costs and offering to do that is called decency. A communal happy family life seems, personally, to become something else when you start telling your children they need to pay rent.

There is also a huge difference between someone staying for a short time and someone staying more permanently. And an even bigger difference between someone in their late twenties or more living there and someone who’s just reached 18 or something and discovers that they are no longer apparently a member of the family, but a tenant who’s expected to pay rent to continue living in the place they grew up in and had strangely assumed was their home.

I would never ever expect to charge my children for living in their home. I might at some point/ absolutely definitely consider having a conversation with them about whether now might be the time to spread their wings and leave the nest. But they would always know that they could return if they ever needed to. That they would never be turned away and never be made to feel unwelcome or treated like a lodger.

I've lived with my parents a few times as an adult. When I first came out of uni I think it was £200 a month (from a salary of ~£1200) and it's now £750 but there's me & DD. Salary is obviously higher but they're being very generous as I'm still paying half a mortgage. My mum picks up groceries and basic toiletries but if I want a fancy shampoo then I pay for it. I'm spoiled as they generally cook and do the laundry but are retired. I try to get us a treat online order/takeaway once a month but sometimes it depends on the Solicitors bill. When I move out I have every intention of paying for their carpets to be cleaned and a well deserved break!

I get that but why would it be acceptable for fully grown adults who have their own income to not make any financial contribution to their families? And would tge elderlies expect their wider family to support them while not making any financial contribution if they have their own income? The OP isn’t saying she won’t support her dc-she’s asking what their contribution covers.

£300 each from my 23/20 year olds. Covers a portion of the council tax, broadband, gas, elec, water, some money towards food and basic toiletries (ie basic shampoo/conditioner/shower gel - anything fancy they buy themselves). Also covers a bit towards the HA rent (shared ownership) plus it includes laundry stuff etc. I don’t save it though. Because I need it to keep a 4 bed house afloat on a single income.

@Notreallyme27

Nope- most parts of Spain are less wealthy than the UK (with the exception of Madrid, Barcelona and Santander).

There is however much less of a keeping up with the jones culture. People would rather spend money on their family and friends. Parents feel a responsibility to look after the DC rather than turning it into a transaction at 18.

@BeachLife2

How sad parents don’t ever have a chance to treat themselves and spend their money on themselves!

i have an adult child that lives with me, they pay about £250 a month towards their keep. That’s for food and a share of bills and costs that are higher as a result of living with me.
To everyone who is so incredulous about the very idea of charging your children rent - I do not earn enough money to support another adult. They earn money and so logically they give me the cost of living in my house. If you are lucky enough to not need to charge yours, good for you!

I think the conversation left the OP’s specific case a while back and is now in the land of generalness!

Howe, if we’re looking at the OP’s case I might think this:

I’m taking food out of things and have addressed that aspect below.

• DS, 21, and his GF: How long is this arrangement for, and how can I help you both find independence? Because, really, no one wants this to be a forever thing. What’s the plan and how can I help? If the way to get them somewhere were to limit costs completely to let them save for a while then I’d ask first nothing. If longer term then I might find a way that they can contribute something while also being able to put most of what they have into a deposit to rent/ buy, as I think the OP has done.

• DS, 30, and family. I wouldn’t ask for a contribution as they are essentially long term guests. BUT I would hope that they might offer to contribute to costs. Which it sounds like they have.

In both these cases I would look at food in this way: Its one hell of a lot of people in the house. Realistically why don’t we all get our own food and do our own cooking. And it might be nice to all sit down together once in a while and have a shared meal. Perhaps for that we can take turns or all contribute?

• DD, 18 moving back from living with DD 30. I wouldn’t charge anything she’s an 18 year old child who has been away for a bit (gap year) and it would be rather mean to say, ‘so pleased your back what are you going to pay to keep living in your home?’ Though I don’t think the PO is saying she’d have to pay.

• DD 14 doesn’t come into it (you’d assume).

From what I can tell from the OP’s post, she’s doing pretty much this except for the food thing.

But it is a reciprocal culture. And many elderly parents will end up living with and being looked after by their children.

When I lived at home I paid £250 as my mum was a single parent and so I helped keep the household ticking over. That covered rent and bills and quite a bit of food. If I wanted any extras I’d buy them myself (or certain meals the rest of the family weren’t having) and bought all my own toiletries and other bits.

This is pretty much spot on. Thank you.

@Cherrytree86

Personally I find it worse than sad that DC are charged rent (£700 a month in some cases) to live in their own home, but each to their own.

What age does that responsibility stop? Could they theoretically stay at home indefinitely while being bankrolled by their own parents who are probably working themselves into an early grave so that their feckless adult children can spend 100% of their own wages on fun stuff?

Please don't feel sad for me. I'm 40 and working full time. My parents are being incredibly generous to have me & DD in their home whilst I separate from her Dad. I don't want them out of pocket when they do so much for us. I would be paying far more to rent privately whilst our house is sold.