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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you have young adults living at home, what does their rent cover?

213 replies

Brunocatmon · 12/06/2025 11:36

My ds is 21, almost 22. He's worked in hospitality his whole working life ( he started work 2 days after he turned 16 ).

Recently he changed jobs to a more secure job with decent contracted hours with more regular pay than before.

Ds's gf ( same age, 21) also lives with me.

Then I have dd who is 14.

The 2 young adults pay rent. £200 a month. This is all in.

In a couple of weeks my eldest dd (30) , her fiance, and 2 dc are moving in from overseas until they find themselves a house to buy. Realistically this could be a good few months.

Dd ( 18) is also moving back in from overseas.( she lives with them at)

I was talking to eldest dd and she said so if we give you X rent then we'll get groceries but if people want expensive extras they get it themselves is that OK?

I said their rent is inclusive of groceries unless expensive treats etc.

It just got me wondering. If your adult dc pay rent what does it include?

OP posts:
Brunocatmon · 14/06/2025 09:59

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/06/2025 00:25

(Cooks tasty food for us, too. Saving for house deposit, doing incredibly well with that.)

5 beds, all big doubles.

OP posts:
Brunocatmon · 14/06/2025 10:01

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 01:19

I have always called it 'housekeeping' as opposed to 'rent'. When DC lived at home I only charged them roughly how much it cost to keep them. That way I didn't notice a drop in income when they moved out.

Yes this is more like what I do. Their " keep" covers their food. Doesn't really allow for (ds's gf using it day in and day out ) tumble dryer extra usage etc.

OP posts:
Brunocatmon · 14/06/2025 10:08

rightoguvnor · 14/06/2025 09:54

Mine pay £160 each and provide their own food, unless it’s a special occasion or we are all at a loose end and fancy a takeaway or bbq. Obviously, I don’t begrudge them a slice of bread for toast, a sprinkling of cheese for their Mac, use of my spices in their curry! they have a little fridge freezer and a small ladder in their (very large) room.
I realise with that smount of adults the above arrangement wouldn’t work but this ‘I pay for groceries apart from treats’ thing sounds like a recipe for disaster - one person’s treat is another person’s daily diet. What about wine? Is this Waitrose-style groceries or Lidl. Even a decent beef joint for a roast could be deemed a treat nowadays on cost alone. Who decides these things?

In my house i decide what is regular food.

I provide all kinds of breakfast options, there's always bacon, eggs, sausages etc, frozen veg and chicken pieces. There's always plenty of pasta, rice, noodles, ready to go sauces, breads, wraps, fresh salad, hams, cheese etc.

I'll put notes in the family chat saying if anyone has a request for dinner and I'll get that, like if anyone fancies something .

I work at tesco so get staff discount so on pay day when the discount is more I stock up on loo rolls, wash powder etc but I dont provide toiletries to my ds and his gf beyond that. I do buy for my dd 14 obvs.

Treat foods id say are any alcohol, I dont drink. Fancy chilled coffees, crisps, fancy biscuits, steaks, and the like

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 10:43

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 09:31

@CandyLeBonBon

In my view, no parent should be charging money to a DC earning only £28k unless there are exceptional circumstances.

@BeachLife2

when would be acceptable to have another adult contribute to the house they live in? If they earn 30k? 40k? 60k? 100k? Or should they never contribute and keep all their money to because they are your children and they didn’t ask to be born and that’s just what being a parent is all about?!

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 10:46

I think you’re a saint honestly Op, no way would I put up with this

Brunocatmon · 14/06/2025 11:07

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 10:46

I think you’re a saint honestly Op, no way would I put up with this

I dont feel like I'm " putting up with" anything. I love having my dc at home. They're a long time gone.

My ds worked overseas from just before he was 18 until he was 20 so I saw very little of him. He's worked in hospitality up until a week ago so low paid.

I'm very excited about having my eldest dd and her family, and my younger dd (18) home next week. I've missed my dgc, and I barely know my dgs who's about to be 2 so I'm looking forward to being able to put them to bed or walk dgd to school.

OP posts:
MrsJoanDanvers · 14/06/2025 11:50

@Brunocatmon I think you sound like a great, loving parent who wants to support and be fair to her family while at the same time acknowledging the cost of having everyone at home. My dd thinks 300 is great compared to the rent she was paying and has indicated she might be here for some time😂

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 12:30

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 10:43

@BeachLife2

when would be acceptable to have another adult contribute to the house they live in? If they earn 30k? 40k? 60k? 100k? Or should they never contribute and keep all their money to because they are your children and they didn’t ask to be born and that’s just what being a parent is all about?!

This reminds me of a woman I know (I haven't seen her for quite a few years now). She and her husband had six adult children, five of which lived at home. She constantly pleaded poverty so people often felt sorry for her and treated her to things, but she and her husband refused to take any money off the children for their keep, even though they were all working. At least two of them had moved out at some point and then returned home again, and one of them had a couple of DC by an ex-partner. With the exception of one, they were all in their twenties and thirties. The woman herself didn't work as apparently her DH didn't want her to. She gave up work as soon as she had had her first child and never worked outside the home again.

I remember her sister telling me about how she had bought her something from a boot sale they visited because, "she never had any money, bless her". I swiftly pointed our that she would have money if she took housekeeping from her children. Her poverty was entirely of her own making. I said I knew people who had very little income and couldn't do anything about it due to ill-health etc, so I definitely wasn't going to buy into her sister's 'poverty'. I think she then realised I had a good point.

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 12:47

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 12:30

This reminds me of a woman I know (I haven't seen her for quite a few years now). She and her husband had six adult children, five of which lived at home. She constantly pleaded poverty so people often felt sorry for her and treated her to things, but she and her husband refused to take any money off the children for their keep, even though they were all working. At least two of them had moved out at some point and then returned home again, and one of them had a couple of DC by an ex-partner. With the exception of one, they were all in their twenties and thirties. The woman herself didn't work as apparently her DH didn't want her to. She gave up work as soon as she had had her first child and never worked outside the home again.

I remember her sister telling me about how she had bought her something from a boot sale they visited because, "she never had any money, bless her". I swiftly pointed our that she would have money if she took housekeeping from her children. Her poverty was entirely of her own making. I said I knew people who had very little income and couldn't do anything about it due to ill-health etc, so I definitely wasn't going to buy into her sister's 'poverty'. I think she then realised I had a good point.

That’s really sad. Though she does sound a proper martyr

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 13:19

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 12:47

That’s really sad. Though she does sound a proper martyr

Despite having mild learning difficulties, she is actually quite manipulative. I remember some years ago, we were both at a local coffee morning. She said she only had 50p, so could only afford a can of cola. My DP then proceeded to buy her food and something else related to the coffee morning. She mumbled something about paying him back, but she never did.

Her elderly DM would always complain to me that every so often she would rock up there and say she hadn't got money for the electric, so her DM would give her money, although she didn't really want to. I said to DM that it was up to her whether she gave her money or not. She wasn't obliged too. The next time it happened, her DM didn't offer any money. The woman still managed to get by and her DM wasn't left feeling resentful.

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 13:34

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 13:19

Despite having mild learning difficulties, she is actually quite manipulative. I remember some years ago, we were both at a local coffee morning. She said she only had 50p, so could only afford a can of cola. My DP then proceeded to buy her food and something else related to the coffee morning. She mumbled something about paying him back, but she never did.

Her elderly DM would always complain to me that every so often she would rock up there and say she hadn't got money for the electric, so her DM would give her money, although she didn't really want to. I said to DM that it was up to her whether she gave her money or not. She wasn't obliged too. The next time it happened, her DM didn't offer any money. The woman still managed to get by and her DM wasn't left feeling resentful.

It really makes you wonder about her offspring, about what kind of people they were not to contribute.

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 13:46

@Cherrytree86

In my view, charging DC to stay in their own home is only acceptable in two specific circumstances:

  1. A parent is genuinely desperate for the money- I.e. a single parent struggling to pay rent and bills.

  2. The DC is earning an exceptionally high income. I would class this as £125k+, like an investment banker or corporate lawyer in London might be paid.

usedtobeaylis · 14/06/2025 14:02

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 13:46

@Cherrytree86

In my view, charging DC to stay in their own home is only acceptable in two specific circumstances:

  1. A parent is genuinely desperate for the money- I.e. a single parent struggling to pay rent and bills.

  2. The DC is earning an exceptionally high income. I would class this as £125k+, like an investment banker or corporate lawyer in London might be paid.

Fucking hell 😆

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 14:03

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 13:46

@Cherrytree86

In my view, charging DC to stay in their own home is only acceptable in two specific circumstances:

  1. A parent is genuinely desperate for the money- I.e. a single parent struggling to pay rent and bills.

  2. The DC is earning an exceptionally high income. I would class this as £125k+, like an investment banker or corporate lawyer in London might be paid.

@BeachLife2

so someone on 80k living with their parents shouldn’t pay a penny?? Why??

Are you for real??!

Notreallyme27 · 14/06/2025 14:04

My guess is that @BeachLife2 still lives off with her parents who are subsiding the beach life.

Or she’s trolling.

BooneyBeautiful · 14/06/2025 14:58

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 13:34

It really makes you wonder about her offspring, about what kind of people they were not to contribute.

At one point, I think one of them was paying for the broadband, but certainly nowhere near enough to cover their keep. I have absolutely no problem with people saying they don't want to take money from their adult DC and that is fine when they are in the financial position to do so, but many people aren't. It certainly isn't right to be pleading poverty when you aren't taking housekeeping money from five adult working DC. Even if they aren't working, they should be claiming UC, so are in a position to pay towards their keep. If other people then help her out they are, in effect, enabling the situation. The last thing I heard was that one of the five had moved out, but it wouldn't surprise me if he had moved back home again now.

Both her parents have now passed and I know she got some inheritance (possibly no more than £40k), but I suspect that would have all gone by now.

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 16:16

@Cherrytree86

I take the view (as does the vast majority of the world) that having DC is a lifelong commitment.

Their home should be a place they can return to as and when needed, not a hotel where they are charged for taking up space like they have booked an Airbnb.

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 16:18

Incidentally, DH's family in Spain have been discussing this thread, and are absolutely aghast at how DC in the UK are treated by their parents.

SIL was absolutely agog at the prospect of charging £700 a month. I wouldn't be surprised if this makes the Spanish press soon (and it won't paint the UK in a positive light 👀).

Notreallyme27 · 14/06/2025 16:22

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 16:16

@Cherrytree86

I take the view (as does the vast majority of the world) that having DC is a lifelong commitment.

Their home should be a place they can return to as and when needed, not a hotel where they are charged for taking up space like they have booked an Airbnb.

The average UK HOUSEHOLD income is £37K. So an average UK couple, bringing in £37K combined should be expected to keep an ADULT earning £100K+ on their own?

They will be going without themselves. Foregoing holidays and treats to keep another adult who is living in luxury. That is absolutely entitled, piss-taking behaviour by an adult brat.

Notreallyme27 · 14/06/2025 16:47

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 16:18

Incidentally, DH's family in Spain have been discussing this thread, and are absolutely aghast at how DC in the UK are treated by their parents.

SIL was absolutely agog at the prospect of charging £700 a month. I wouldn't be surprised if this makes the Spanish press soon (and it won't paint the UK in a positive light 👀).

So you’ve taken ONE case of a parent who has explained that they had no choice but to rent out a room to a lodger or presumably lose their home, who instead has allowed their adult child to live with them, and used this one case of a struggling mother to speak for every other UK parent? Even though the majority who charge have said that they charge a pathetic £50 a week and it merely covers their food/mobile phone/etc; that it isn’t actually rent and doesn’t cover their food plus costs of having them there.

Can you imagine what it must feel like for that poor mother who has no choice but to raise £700 a month just to keep a roof over her head? Maybe in your eyes she should just be evicted and both her and her child be homeless? In many UK cities £700 wouldn’t even get a decent room. And you are rubbing her nose in it. You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 16:54

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 16:18

Incidentally, DH's family in Spain have been discussing this thread, and are absolutely aghast at how DC in the UK are treated by their parents.

SIL was absolutely agog at the prospect of charging £700 a month. I wouldn't be surprised if this makes the Spanish press soon (and it won't paint the UK in a positive light 👀).

@BeachLife2

who cares??

Cherrytree86 · 14/06/2025 16:57

Notreallyme27 · 14/06/2025 16:22

The average UK HOUSEHOLD income is £37K. So an average UK couple, bringing in £37K combined should be expected to keep an ADULT earning £100K+ on their own?

They will be going without themselves. Foregoing holidays and treats to keep another adult who is living in luxury. That is absolutely entitled, piss-taking behaviour by an adult brat.

oh no according to @BeachLife2 they should just suck it up and go without so that their offspring can live in luxury and keep every penny to themselves cos being a parent is a life long commitment and your kids didn’t ask to be born…wah wah wah

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/06/2025 17:12

Wonder how many times I can roll my eyes @BeachLife2 🙄

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/06/2025 17:28

BeachLife2 · 14/06/2025 16:18

Incidentally, DH's family in Spain have been discussing this thread, and are absolutely aghast at how DC in the UK are treated by their parents.

SIL was absolutely agog at the prospect of charging £700 a month. I wouldn't be surprised if this makes the Spanish press soon (and it won't paint the UK in a positive light 👀).

So what

RamblingEclectic · 14/06/2025 18:17

For living at home - £200 per month + 1 bill - I think it's important for them to pay a bill in their own name to start building a financial history and being a fully adult part of the household.

Their father and I are still paying everything for our kids within the home and their phones. We don't pay for transport costs unless we're all traveling together as a family after they stop being eligible for the school/student bus tickets. We also don't pay for any additional entertainment for them, but they have access to ours.

My DS1 and DD1 last year both earned more than I did. My DD1 is looking likely to do so again this year. They're aware that when they're paying that £200, it goes into the account that is used to mostly used to pay to family extras for trips and such, and as they're paying in, they're part of the conversation on how that's spent in a way their younger siblings aren't.

I find it particularly odd when people charge their DC who are doing apprenticeships. If they had chosen the uni route, you would have been expected and required to support the costs of doing that.

My DS1 chose the uni route, but as he earned his way onto a sponsored course, he gets a monthly bursary on top of his tuition being paid & he gets paid back his travel costs between the campus and home during breaks. He also worked for a year prior to doing so and is in a financially good place while living in halls. The only cost I've covered is him still being on the family plan for his phone, his share is like £7 a month and he still has access to our Netflix and things.

They are effectively saving you thousands by doing the apprenticeship option, and you are also going to make them give up the pittance of a wage they get.

Not all apprenticeships pay a pittance. A quality employer in a desirable work area and location will pay well above the apprenticeship minimum wage.

My DD1 went the apprenticeship route from 16, and at 16 earned more than I did that year, and she wasn't anywhere near the highest wages for apprentices I've seen. It's very possible for the few who get onto apprenticeship schemes in some engineering or tech companies to be earning over 30k a year plus tuition.

Also, if they can and do take the apprenticeship option at 16, they're no longer considered fulltime students, which means some things do become significantly more expensive earlier than if they took a more academic route. The opticians, as an example, treats 16 year old apprentices on any wage the same as adults. I'm well aware of families that got the sticker shock when their child who used to be covered by the NHS for their eye tests and glasses suddenly wasn't (and because they're at home, they're unlikely to get any additional NHS help for it).

Parents feel a responsibility to look after the DC rather than turning it into a transaction at 18.

I don't see how my kids paying into the household pot that is used for their benefit is turning our relationship into a transaction or mean I'm not looking after them. I see it as treating them like an adult, they pay in, they get to be part of the conversations on household finances.

Having grown up in a culture where kids, particularly girls, do stay at home and get it all paid for as adults until they can move out - I'm well aware of the painful strings that can be attached to that. It isn't all sunshine and roses and unconditional love just because the adult child isn't having to pay. I've been there, done that, fled that.

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