Friends saying I overreacted to cut things off with my date

[AliceTiger]

I’ve had 4/5 dates with a man, up until the most recent one things were progressing really well and I felt excited - no red flags at all.

On our last date, we were discussing some of our dating history and I explained how I’ve had quite a few dates since splitting with my exH two years ago but that not many had ever made it past the first one.

My dates reaction was to make a joke that ‘it sounds like you’ve had more cock than Bonnie Blue’.

I explained I have never been intimate on a first date and that he’s wide of the mark saying that, to which he just mumbled something about it being a joke.

I text him that evening to politely say that I had enjoyed his company but didn’t feel that I saw a future. He replied to say sorry for the comment and that he respected my decision.

I don’t give my friends a running commentary of my dating activity but they knew I was feeling excited after the third date so asked I kept them updated.

When I told them I’d put an end to things here the general reaction was I had been a bit harsh and over reacted. My ex was a ‘joker’ and it done my head in eventually, he would say rude things in front of friends and family and I was fed up of constantly apologising for him, so I think the comment triggered me due to this.

I think my friends just want me to meet someone, they are all in relationships. One said that I am wanting perfection which doesn’t exist but I think that’s a bit harsh.

Would you say I over reacted to the ‘joke’ and my friends have a point or I was right to call things off? I’m doing a lot of soul searching and their comments are playing on my mind.

You're definitely not being unreasonable. Looks as if his mask slipped and his coarse mouth started to take over. I would find that comment disrespectful, and if he's tried to minimise it by saying he was joking, that's a red flag to me.

I think that remark shows contempt and disrespect towards women, and you were right to give him the heave ho.

Your friends should want the best for you, you shouldn't have to put up for comments like this just because you're single, there is better out there.

Good luck xx

Agree with this.
He's jealous, threatened and taking you down a peg or two.
How kind of him to show you straight away who he is 🚩

Sounds like he was a class (and immature) act with a comment like that.

Trust yourself.
This comment insulted you and made you uncomfortable. Your sense of humour seems to be on a different wavelength to his. It was the right decision.

I never understand why people try undermining their friends and family in situations like this.

No one is perfect and so we all have to compromise to a degree.

But you get to decide what you will and won't compromise on. If you can't be picky when it comes to the person you'll share your life and your body with, when can you?

No, your friends are wrong and you were totally right OP. A comment like that would be an immediate red flag. I once went on a date where we were chatting and I mentioned that I actually was very selective and had much less sexual encounters than my confident extrovertish demeanour suggested. "Oh you're just ⁶a cocktease then!". Dropped.

Because it doesn’t exist

It doesnt matter whether women are virgins or whores, there is a certain type of male who will find fault with both. Avoid them.

It would have give iver my head 20 years ago.

Not now though.

He’s vile.

And?

He’s a misogynist and your friends are idiots.

It’s actually irrelevant whether you slept with your dates or not and you didn’t have to defend yourself to him. If he judges women on how many people they’ve slept with, he’s a twat. My response to his comment would have been “So what?”