Friends saying I overreacted to cut things off with my date

[AliceTiger]

I’ve had 4/5 dates with a man, up until the most recent one things were progressing really well and I felt excited - no red flags at all.

On our last date, we were discussing some of our dating history and I explained how I’ve had quite a few dates since splitting with my exH two years ago but that not many had ever made it past the first one.

My dates reaction was to make a joke that ‘it sounds like you’ve had more cock than Bonnie Blue’.

I explained I have never been intimate on a first date and that he’s wide of the mark saying that, to which he just mumbled something about it being a joke.

I text him that evening to politely say that I had enjoyed his company but didn’t feel that I saw a future. He replied to say sorry for the comment and that he respected my decision.

I don’t give my friends a running commentary of my dating activity but they knew I was feeling excited after the third date so asked I kept them updated.

When I told them I’d put an end to things here the general reaction was I had been a bit harsh and over reacted. My ex was a ‘joker’ and it done my head in eventually, he would say rude things in front of friends and family and I was fed up of constantly apologising for him, so I think the comment triggered me due to this.

I think my friends just want me to meet someone, they are all in relationships. One said that I am wanting perfection which doesn’t exist but I think that’s a bit harsh.

Would you say I over reacted to the ‘joke’ and my friends have a point or I was right to call things off? I’m doing a lot of soul searching and their comments are playing on my mind.

So that comment comes across to you as flirting? Sexy and suggestive? Would you be tempted to shag someone on the basis of this sort of puerile and degrading comment?

Ugh you totally did the right thing getting rid, it shows that you’re not prepared to put up with those sorts of personal digs. What an utter bellend

You didn't like your ex making jokes of this nature and all the signs are this guy has a similar sense of humour. So you did the right thing to get rid, you'd be crazy to go back.

That comment would have totally put me off him. Yuck

No. I didn’t say that. I said the comment was probably made as subconsciously that’s all he’s probably looking for. Ditto the fact he was cool about ending things.

IME a lot of guys aren’t upfront about only wanting casual and will go on any date they’re offered regardless. Then will say later down the line they aren’t wanting anything serious.

personally I’d assume they had a bit of a weird sense of humour and it was meant to come across funny. I wouldn’t knock it on the head right there and then but would want an apology before I agreed to see him again. I’d probably double check they weren’t just looking for a shag too.

You are well rid. It was an awful comment to make and then saying it was a joke was just cowardly.

If you look at burned haystack dating method this is the test and apologise rhetoric pattern. You did the right thing.

I’d bin him as well.

You’re not going to settle for some twat.

Not unreasonable at all. His joke was rubbish.

You didn't over react.
A really vulgar remark that exposed him.

Good riddance to him .
Fancy saying that to you 😱

He’s a crude vulgar immature misogynistic prick.
Id have got up and left the date soon as he said that but im old and have zero tolerance for wankers anymore

Id have told him I’m not interested in dating Jay from the Inbetweeners and left it there.

You haven’t over reacted. Unfortunately grim crude men are ten a penny

You needn't provide an excuse or explanation not to see a man again or continue a relationship, whatever the reason: not to him, not to your friends. If you want to stop seeing him, do.
You owe him precisely nothing.

If you did feel the need to explain you could say he's revolting and sexist with an adolescent sense of humour. That's more than enough.

That’s a disgusting comment on so many levels. No wonder you were massively put off him. Definitely the right thing.

100% with you @AliceTiger
I’d have called a halt for that kind of comment too.
Onwards and upwards.

Then your friend can date him, can’t she?

I’d have felt pole axed by that comment.

And this was him in the phase of trying to impress you. Imagine what he would have been like in a few months. <shudders>

I would have left the minute he said it. This was him on his best behavior. You're well rid

Yep. Spot on.

I would have walked out immediately. You were far more polite than I would have been. If your friends bring this up again, tell them I you have high standards and no regrets.

Yes. The “joke” was the test. The “apology” was a lie.

What a minger. I’ve thrown drinks over men for less in my younger days lol.

Is it the worst thing in the world? No. Still gross tho. You’re right to not see him again. Plenty more fish in the sea, and you obviously can get dates so you’ll be fine.

With OP’s very best wishes!

I often see posters ask an OP - 'did you never notice he was a misogynist before now'... Sounds like your friends.

This is likely the kind of comment they push past, then end up with a dick who just gets less reserved with their comments over time.

You did the right thing.

Me too - full pints. I was a bit fierce in those days.

Some men have absolutely no idea what is acceptable conversation do they? Then they wonder why there's a male loneliness epidemic.