Friends saying I overreacted to cut things off with my date

[AliceTiger]

I’ve had 4/5 dates with a man, up until the most recent one things were progressing really well and I felt excited - no red flags at all.

On our last date, we were discussing some of our dating history and I explained how I’ve had quite a few dates since splitting with my exH two years ago but that not many had ever made it past the first one.

My dates reaction was to make a joke that ‘it sounds like you’ve had more cock than Bonnie Blue’.

I explained I have never been intimate on a first date and that he’s wide of the mark saying that, to which he just mumbled something about it being a joke.

I text him that evening to politely say that I had enjoyed his company but didn’t feel that I saw a future. He replied to say sorry for the comment and that he respected my decision.

I don’t give my friends a running commentary of my dating activity but they knew I was feeling excited after the third date so asked I kept them updated.

When I told them I’d put an end to things here the general reaction was I had been a bit harsh and over reacted. My ex was a ‘joker’ and it done my head in eventually, he would say rude things in front of friends and family and I was fed up of constantly apologising for him, so I think the comment triggered me due to this.

I think my friends just want me to meet someone, they are all in relationships. One said that I am wanting perfection which doesn’t exist but I think that’s a bit harsh.

Would you say I over reacted to the ‘joke’ and my friends have a point or I was right to call things off? I’m doing a lot of soul searching and their comments are playing on my mind.

I wouldn’t have had another date with him - it’s pretty grim humour - but also you didn’t like it!

No, its disgusting- keep your standards op

I’d have got rid aswell. That’s grim.

I think jokes like that show the basic misogyny of people. He's not the man for you, or any decent self respecting woman.

Your friends aren't the ones dating him. If he isn't for you he isn't for you, that can be for any reason or no reason at all.

Im with you OP. At least he apologised, I'll give him that. But the comment was just cringe. If something gives you the ick a few dates in, don't waste your time I say x

What's wrong with wanting perfection, anyway? ;-)

I suspect these friends aren't settled with decent men and put up with shitty comments like this far more often than they would care to admit.

Don't doubt yourself for having standards.

I'd have dumped him for that comment. Urrgh.

You are being entirely reasonable no woman with an ounce of self respect would continue dating that man.

You have high standards keep to them

if they are more accepting to date a man who makes derogatory remarks claiming it’s a joke that’s their choice

I would have left the minute he said it. This was him on his best behavior. You're well rid.

Oh god no. Instant ick.

It was framed as a joke, but it is revealing about his views on women. Lucky escape OP. Keep those boundaries strong!

Your friends have very low standards. You most certainly have not overreacted.

I might have continued to date him when I was younger but I wouldn't now and I think you were very civilised in the way you handled things, you were more courteous than he deserved.

Sadly some of your partnered friends might perceive your singleness as a threat so don't assume they are well meaning and just want you to be happy. I never used to believe this but it turns out it's true. Some women will view you with suspicion even If you are not remotely interested in dating anyone. If they were concerned with your happiness they would support your decision even if they would have made a different one.

Your friends can set whatever standards and boundaries they like, you get to choose your own. Don't doubt yourself.

It was an attempt to put you down because he is jealous of your past. Huge red flag. You did the right thing.

YANBU. There's many a true word spoken in jest, and the truth here is that he's disrespectful, and perhaps sexually insecure. He doesn't get to pass that level of rudeness off as banter.

You were 100% right to ditch him. The comment and the fact he said it was a 'joke' show that he is a misogynist with no respect for you. I dated someone like this who I forgave time and time again thinking I was over reacting, but I had to dump him in the end - turned out he thought Andrew Tate was ' misunderstood ' 😅
Lord! I enjoyed getting him out of my life.

Think I agree with this. It was a harsh comment to make and not a joke.

Some people are horrible under the guise of joking. No wonder you're sensitive to it. You certainly don't have to accept it or even give him a chance. You don't like that sort of thing so that's that.

Agree with this.

That’s a grotesque joke, I’d have probably left

That was a grim comment. Well done for having high standards for yourself.

My personal opinion here is that he probably only saw you as someone to have sex/ a casual thing with, hence that joke, and the fact he doesn’t seem that bothered that you’d cut it off with him. If you aren’t looking for a hookup it’s probably for the best things have ended between you. Glad he apologised though.

me personally I would’ve probably been a bit shocked and told him off in jest, but wouldn’t have taken offence and would’ve saw him again if he apologised and wanted the same things as me. I’m in my thirties though.

What a disgusting, aggressive, and misogynistic comment. Absolutely the right thing to bin him, and be glad he did this early on so you could know what he’s like.

Don’t listen to your friends - what business of theirs is it whether you’re in a relationship or not? You’re in a much better position to find someone decent if you’re not wasting time giving arseholes like this second chances.