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Original poster

Friends saying I overreacted to cut things off with my date

86 replies

AliceTiger · 11/06/2025 21:09

I’ve had 4/5 dates with a man, up until the most recent one things were progressing really well and I felt excited - no red flags at all.

On our last date, we were discussing some of our dating history and I explained how I’ve had quite a few dates since splitting with my exH two years ago but that not many had ever made it past the first one.

My dates reaction was to make a joke that ‘it sounds like you’ve had more cock than Bonnie Blue’.

I explained I have never been intimate on a first date and that he’s wide of the mark saying that, to which he just mumbled something about it being a joke.

I text him that evening to politely say that I had enjoyed his company but didn’t feel that I saw a future. He replied to say sorry for the comment and that he respected my decision.

I don’t give my friends a running commentary of my dating activity but they knew I was feeling excited after the third date so asked I kept them updated.

When I told them I’d put an end to things here the general reaction was I had been a bit harsh and over reacted. My ex was a ‘joker’ and it done my head in eventually, he would say rude things in front of friends and family and I was fed up of constantly apologising for him, so I think the comment triggered me due to this.

I think my friends just want me to meet someone, they are all in relationships. One said that I am wanting perfection which doesn’t exist but I think that’s a bit harsh.

Would you say I over reacted to the ‘joke’ and my friends have a point or I was right to call things off? I’m doing a lot of soul searching and their comments are playing on my mind.

OP posts:
SeaSunSand24 · 12/06/2025 00:18

Firefly1987 · 12/06/2025 00:11

Some men have absolutely no idea what is acceptable conversation do they? Then they wonder why there's a male loneliness epidemic.

There’s only one way they’ll learn. Keep your bar high, OP.

dottiedodah · 12/06/2025 00:24

He sounds gross.the comments that are "off the cuff" are often good at showing someone true colours.even if you had slept with these guys that's your business. He sounds an immature judge twat

InterestedDad37 · 12/06/2025 00:29

It's a crass 'joke', and you shoud go with your gut feeling. I've been 'single' for 6 years ... i.e. had a few short relationships in that time, but none have lasted. One was heartbreaking for me, the others I've ended. I am still looking for Ms Perfect, even though I'm in my 60s. I won't compromise :-)

JHound · 12/06/2025 00:33

He is gross and your friend sounds like her standards are in Hades

redrose115 · 12/06/2025 00:37

Good on you, OP. It’s not a polite way to speak to someone (which I personally have a problem with!). You would think he would want to impress and he did the opposite.

Mothership4two · 12/06/2025 00:38

Trust your gut OP.

I think that 'joke' is disrespectful and grim. Sounds like something you'd hear at a drag show - not that I have ever been to one!

🚩

Lavenderandbrown · 12/06/2025 01:50

many say I’m sorry but don’t really mean they have any insight into anything they have said or done. They just want it over and think an apology will make it over. Honestly I can’t imagine being on a date and having a man compare me to Bonnie blue and speculate how much cock I have had and actually say it to me! Well done OP he has shown you who he is and you paid attention. It’s not a joke or banter it’s gross and offensive and it’s not erased by an apology. There’s a lot of unpleasantness lurking under his public persona. Stay away from him and shut the conversation down with your friends if they bring him up

outerspacepotato · 12/06/2025 01:58

He called you a slut on your 5th date. What an asshole.

Your friends have awfully low standards.

forensicdetective · 12/06/2025 02:11

Jesus Christ, no. And I have terrible low standards!

2021x · 12/06/2025 02:22

In a generous reading yours and his senses of humour don't line up and there is nothing worse than that.

Good luck in finding someone who doesn't make your fanny slam shut.

Noshadelamp · 12/06/2025 02:48

He said what he was thinking out loud and did you a favour.
Now you won't waste any more tine on him.

It's surprising and sad your friends don't see that.

Keep up your standards op!

Jollyjollyjollygoodie · 12/06/2025 02:59

Good for you.

Crushed23 · 12/06/2025 13:25

AliceTiger · 11/06/2025 21:09

I’ve had 4/5 dates with a man, up until the most recent one things were progressing really well and I felt excited - no red flags at all.

On our last date, we were discussing some of our dating history and I explained how I’ve had quite a few dates since splitting with my exH two years ago but that not many had ever made it past the first one.

My dates reaction was to make a joke that ‘it sounds like you’ve had more cock than Bonnie Blue’.

I explained I have never been intimate on a first date and that he’s wide of the mark saying that, to which he just mumbled something about it being a joke.

I text him that evening to politely say that I had enjoyed his company but didn’t feel that I saw a future. He replied to say sorry for the comment and that he respected my decision.

I don’t give my friends a running commentary of my dating activity but they knew I was feeling excited after the third date so asked I kept them updated.

When I told them I’d put an end to things here the general reaction was I had been a bit harsh and over reacted. My ex was a ‘joker’ and it done my head in eventually, he would say rude things in front of friends and family and I was fed up of constantly apologising for him, so I think the comment triggered me due to this.

I think my friends just want me to meet someone, they are all in relationships. One said that I am wanting perfection which doesn’t exist but I think that’s a bit harsh.

Would you say I over reacted to the ‘joke’ and my friends have a point or I was right to call things off? I’m doing a lot of soul searching and their comments are playing on my mind.

Haven’t RTFT, but I’m with you on not liking men who are ‘jokers’ especially if those jokes are crude and said at inappropriate times. It’s just not attractive to be talked about in that way. You were not wrong to call it off. I sometimes think it’s the smallest things that tell you most about someone in early dating, so it’s important to be alert to throwaway remarks and strange body language.

Lollypopbeach · 12/06/2025 13:30

So not only do I think it was massively disrespectful and a red flag in itself

I personally feel like you saw a snip it of his jealous, ugly side. Which is a major red flag. He clearly didn’t like the thought of you being on dates with other people so his jealous side came out with an attempt to put you down and make you feel bad.

Just well done really, you clearly have self respect and did the right thing

TwistedWonder · 12/06/2025 15:33

So many men dress up crude comments and personal digs as ‘it’s only banter’ and accuse the women of having no sense of humour

No mate you’re an unfunny immature twat .

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 12/06/2025 15:35

I am with you OP, that comment would totally put me off and I would not be going on another date with him. It wasn't a 'joke'.

turkeyboots · 12/06/2025 15:35

You just aren't compatible, move on.

Auroraofthedawn · 12/06/2025 15:38

Your friends need to raise their standards jfc

MagentaRocks · 12/06/2025 15:38

It doesn’t matter what your friends think. Your boundaries are your own and you get to decide what is and isn’t acceptable for you. As for the ‘joke’, I didn’t find it funny, in fact it is immature and pathetic

Crushed23 · 12/06/2025 15:39

TwistedWonder · 12/06/2025 15:33

So many men dress up crude comments and personal digs as ‘it’s only banter’ and accuse the women of having no sense of humour

No mate you’re an unfunny immature twat .

The thing is, it’s not even funny outside the context of dating. Like if a male friend talked about “getting cock” I’d think he was an immature twat too. So how men think it would be in any way appropriate/attractive on a date is beyond me.

OhBling · 12/06/2025 15:45

You got the ick. that's perfectly okay. You're 5 dates in, not 10 years, a wedding and 3 babies.

for the record, I'd have got the ick too. And actually, I think the comment goes beyond being inappropriate. It's a test of sorts. It feels to me like what you were supposed to do was feel a bit flustered, perhaps assure him you're "not that type of woman" then be a bit off balance wondering if he's got the wrong impresion of you, and what can you do to fix it.

And you just haven't done any of those things

TorroFerney · 12/06/2025 16:12

redrose115 · 12/06/2025 00:37

Good on you, OP. It’s not a polite way to speak to someone (which I personally have a problem with!). You would think he would want to impress and he did the opposite.

Agree, this is him on his best behaviour and trying to impress one assumes . Grim is the word, and presumably very thick.

StarCourt · 12/06/2025 16:24

I’d have left there and then ( and have done in the past for similar reasons)

DiscoBob · 12/06/2025 16:37

Just the fact that 'Bonnie Blue' came into his mind while thinking about a new potential sexual partner is pretty repellent.
I can't imagine someone intellectual and emotionally sensitive and morally decent would say such things.

JHound · 12/06/2025 16:41

Mothership4two · 12/06/2025 00:38

Trust your gut OP.

I think that 'joke' is disrespectful and grim. Sounds like something you'd hear at a drag show - not that I have ever been to one!

🚩

Errr….