Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

Therefore, it WAS a test. Because, you knew, there was a chance he would spend it, but you had hoped he had changed. That is a test.

You just keep making excuses as to why you don't leave. Get help for the health anxiety you have and give your children the life they deserve. What you have now isn't it.

As for your life insurance, etc. I suggest seeing a solicitor and getting it fixed and ringfenced, so ONLY your kids get it when they are like 20-21 or so, or in layers.

You keep listening to your DP or whatever he is and his putting you down until you bend to his will. Change your thinking and center your children.

This @Lilly1812

You DO have support system though; siblings.

He said that because he wants the money, all of it.

He should not be in the will at all, and certainly NOT the executor! Don't tell him you are removing him from the will and from being an executor.

I also believe he feeds into your health anxiety to keep you dependent on him and he is probably making you feel ill.

I think if you get away from him, your health will improve and your anxiety will lessen.

Who earns more in the relationship? You will be eligible for help if you need it once you get your children and you into a better environment.

You should have kept the money yourself
There are plenty of places to invest

Each person can put up to a maximum of £20, 000 per year into a tax free ISA
All interest is tax free

Each person can buy up to a maximum of £50, 000 into Premium Bonds
All prizes are tax free

While the account was in your children’s name you obviously have access until they turn a certain age (my mum had similar accounts for us) and thus you have the ability to access it. You sent tbe money willingly to your partner, he didn’t steal it

this sounds like a very expensive lesson

No cut in benefits because OP isn’t on any benefits. Maybe read the updates before being snotty and judgemental.

I’m going to explain this for the last time and then bow out. OP, message me if you have any legal questions and I’ll be happy to help.

He STOLE the money as soon as he APPROPRIATED it. That means to say: when he treated it like his own and spent it. OP never said “go spend it” to him. She only permitted him to keep it in the account.

OP never “stole” the money either because she lacks the mens rea for theft (she has not acted “dishonestly”).

Some of us now understand the legal definition of theft in this context. But what good is it at this point in the thread disagreeing on terms and definitions? It doesn’t help OP.

For two reasons:

1. to show the OP that she is indeed his victim. Her own husband has committed a crime against her and their children. That’s super serious. It’s objectively a crime, so she doesn’t have to believe his dribbling on when he inevitably minimises it. She’s his victim and she needs to leave him. This is very serious etc.

2. and so that when he blames her and calls her all the derogatory and condescending names he likely calls her that has got her into this position that she describes his CRIME as “spending”, she will KNOW he is wrong and he is gaslighting her, and that MAYBE he’s been gaslighting her about a lot of other stuff for a very long time.

The issue of theft is important for the OP’s sake at realising the reality of wtf has been going on. Everyone’s been yelling “leave him!” that maybe establishing he’s committed a crime against his own family will move the needle.

If it was me I'd be getting a big burly male friend to stand over him until he sends the £2k back. Assuming you have evidence of the £3k belonging to the kids and why you sent it to him then you need to photograph all of that now in case he deletes messages. Take him to small claims court for the rest. Then dump him and throw him out he's a waste of space who puts himself first. If you ditch him you WILL get your family back. Be brave. Do it for your kids.

Ah great then he goes to police saying he’s being threatened by OP and her friend while lying that OP gave him it a gift. Would be playing straight into his hands.

But he hasn’t committed a crime? He’s refused to pay back money she lent him but there was no written agreement. He’s not broke the law

But legally she wouldn’t get anywhere as they have no written agreement of him having to paying her back. He could just say it was a gift. No evidence otherwise.

nowhere did I say OP stole the cash. She took it from her kids account however this is allowed as she has access.

🙄

OP, you know where to find me. Best of luck.

so you know your advice wasn’t correct then. If OP had a written agreement she’d have a leg to stand on with the law. Unfortunately in this case she does not.

This is the crux of it, surely, on a practical level? What are the police going to ask for first of all? Proof of the theft, and OP has none.

Yep. It’s awful but essentially her partner could and will likely just say it was a gift. He has form for poor behaviour in the past according to OP. If they had a written agreement or better yet a legal one she’d be able to take it to small claims court. If he’d hacked her account to take the money the police would investigate. But she has taken it out of her own free will and sent it to him. The police can’t legally do anything if he’s pissed it up the wall rather than mind it for her.

OP, while you thought he would protect the money because it is for his beloved children, he clearly decided that he has a right to make decisions about his kids’ money.

Keep calm but firm until you get all the money back. When he makes excuses say his problems are not your concern, ask him what his plan is to ensure he gets their money by the end of the month.

Then you can start to think about what to do next.

He is gaslighting you and controlling you by telling you no one else will have you blah blah.

My strong guess is that you would actually feel calmer and stronger without him messing with your head and causing so much uncertainty and instability.

One step at a time.

I don’t think they are his children. Just OP’s

Op, you need to get this scumbag out if your life.

He has stolen from his own kids!!

Op I think it might be easier to say good bye to the money if you need him more than he needs you. If you cant live without him then let him have the money and pay it back to your kids through your wages

Op already confirmed he is their dad.

@Lilly1812 can you get onto his internet banking and transfer the 2k to yourself? I think you are going to have to write off the remaining 3k as I also think he has gambled it away, but you may need to just draw a line under this, kick him out, and move on. At least you have the rest of the money back.