Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

Honestly op your your own worst enemy. For your sake and especially the kids please get more therapy and kick this scumbag to the kerb.

I suffer from health anxiety and know how debilitating it can be at times. I've managed to learn to control it and live a full life with it. It doesn't go away but with the right help it can move minimised. I'm so sorry about your mum and how that's left you but you and your kids really deserve better. Dump him and hopefully your siblings will come back and will support you through this.

It's a good start to get home removed as an executor as you've found out he can't be trusted with any money whatsoever. He knows your making empty threads and is taking advantage of that.

There has to also be intent. Intent cannot and will not be proven here.

Even if he loses every penny in a ‘bad investment’, as long as he didn’t steal it from her in the first place (which he didn’t, she handed it over willingly for ‘safekeeping’), unless he set out to steal the money (permanently deprive), it subsequently happening doesn’t meet the threshold for criminal (theft).

If it's your children's money left to them as an inheritance you should have put it somewhere safe. You are at fault here just as much as your "partner". If he doesn't return it you will need to replace the money, including interest.

This, as a matter of urgency. Contact /ring the company and ask for a trust form. If you're unsure how to complete it, ring the company and they'll talk you through it. Put your brother plus whoever you trust as the trustees ( or a solicitor if no one else).

Have you written a will? Contact a solicitor/will writer. If you are a member of a Union they will have people to recommend to you. Leave your death benefits from work or other ( if any) to your children. Leave your share of the house (If you own) and any savings etc to your children ( in trust it will have to be until at least 18, better 21 +.) You may need to change the way the house is held, from Joint Tenants to tenants in common.

Don't tell your partner as he'll make you put him as the beneficiary won't he?

Unless you do this your children will see none of it will they?

You know social services could get involved if you allow your children to be used in financial abuse because you are knowingly allowing it to happen. You are allowing his needs above your children’s. You need to speak to women’s aid ask for help.

Intent? He’s INTENTIONALLY refusing to give her the money back. Read the OP’s updates (“he said no” and how he’s done similar before), and then the rest of the thread to see why it’s theft.

Honestly, I don’t know why I bother. Spooky2000, this is the ironic point I was making earlier! Just makes me not want to help in the future

I’ve been an executor a number of times, I’ve never used a solicitor. Last time the funds went into a joint account for me and my sister and we distributed from there.

Tell him you're going to the police if he doesn't return it now. All of it.

You can put life insurance in Trust for your kids to benefit at say 21 with the trustee able to use the money for say education /!: reasonable use for upbringing

also remove him from any in death benefits you have in work and your pension as well

get a will done and leave it with your sister and a copy with your brother
and make it clear your boyfrien is not to benefit

@Lilly1812 Being the trustee of the Life insurance policy doesn't mean your sister ( or your brother) will be responsible for bringing them up. It just means that the money from the Life Insurance policy will be held for the children until they reach 18 or whatever age is decided, or can be used if needed before then at the trustees discretion. You need to remove your Partner as the beneficiary, that's all.

Similarly, you need to changed your will, removing your partner from inheriting anything from you and again, leave your assets to your children - again in a trust, or to be held until your children reach the age of majority. This is something you MUST do as a matter of urgency. You can make provision for who you would want to look after your children if you die while they are still young and being Executor of your will does not mean that the Executor then has to look after the children.

Also change your pension beneficiaries (not sure if this has already been mentioned)

@Lilly1812 have you ruled out if you have potentially inherited the BRACA gene from your Mum? Was she tested for it?

Under NICE guidelines you are eligible to be referred for genetic testing which includes counselling.

Yes exactly this ! I’d be sending txts or emails back and forth between now and then so
you have proof he used your money without permission. Stops it basically @Lilly1812

Well, now you know he cannot be trusted for any reason, at all. I hope you get the rest of the money back and that you do something to put it into your children's name, so he cannot get to it again.

You already didn't trust him, but you decided to give him your children's inheritance to maybe get a few extra bucks in interest. Got it.

AFTER you get the money back, which is 50/50 whether you ever will, I would give serious thought to this relationship. He has screwed with your children and that, to me, is unacceptable and I couldn't stay with someone who did that.

How much interest are you supposed to get from this "account" he kept the money in?

Lily are you getting help for your health anxiety as it’s causing you to make bad decisions based on something that probably won’t happen.
Your DC will have picked up on all the tension between you so keeping him around may not be helping them now.

My mum died of cancer at 52 so I don’t underestimate the impact on you. I am older now than she was when she died. You need to see if there is therapy you can get that will help you process what happened so it doesn’t define your life.

I was with you til this post. If he’s let you down multiple times and you don’t trust him any more why the fuck did you trust him with your kids’ money ? Your siblings are right. It’s stupidity. Why didn’t you just put the money in your own account until you could find something better ?

It is unreasonable from how the OP describes him. Again look at the fact that this wasn't her money but God forbid an adult takes any responsibility.

I don't know how many children you have but you have to think about what happens if one wins a big prize. Happened to a family I used to know. I child won a six figure sum, parents wanted to split it between the children but were told it was illegal. So one child had £100 and the other had £100,100. Caused a lot of upset.

This.
OP knows it’s far from ideal etc etc.

I have to say you were a bit naive to give him money to look after for you,he will have seen it as a 'give' not a 'temporary holding'. Why did you not just open an account,any account?
When I was 17 I let my boyfriend 'look after' my building society book with savings from all those years in it. He took the lot without apology,saying I had 'given' it to him and that "what's yours is mine". You will be lucky to see the money again. We live and learn.

It's not her money. That's the point.

Yes,that's a point,I hadn't thought of that either. So gave the money to him was better than taking a cut in benefits eh?

Have any of you read her posts?

So, you have family. Maybe they aren't the "kindest" to you right now since you keep sticking with an abusive arsehole, but they can at least be a sounding board and an ear when you kick him to the curb.

He is not helping your health anxiety, and he'd never be dependable if you did get ill. I think, deep down, you know this.

You are hurting yourself and your children by staying with this jerk.

I know your children inherited money, but did you also inherit? If so, what did you do with it?