Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

When I worked at the CAB and presented factual information and pursued employment law claims for clients (long time ago now, when LA was available!!), there was always some Joe Public who thought they knew the law better than the lawyers 🙄. But I'll bet you're used to that; I know I got used to it! 😄

Hi OP,
I'm so sorry you're having to cope with this.
Firstly, can I just say you are not 'stupid' or an 'idiot' - people really need to back off on here as that kind of language is really unhelpful.
You clearly trusted your OH otherwise you wouldn't have asked him to look after your children's money - that isn't being stupid. I would contact Citizens Advice or your bank for guidance as this is financial abuse. It may well be your OH has gambled it or has told you the truth, however either way, he has used it without asking and that's not ok. I really hope you can get it sorted and don't forget to check online for support such as Money Advice Plus as there some really helpful people ready to support you.

Let's all being a little kinder eh folks! The world is in enough misery as it is without us snapping at someone who came on here asking for support.

Will he be able to access these accounts in the future? If they are under 18 will he have access?

Don't make your siblings the benificiary, that should be your kids. They can be a guardian or trustee.

With respect, you don’t sound very financially aware; certainly not enough to act as a trustee for your children.

Personally, I’d be doing the following:

Rip up your will and make a new one, with your brother and sister as trustees (assuming you trust them, at least more than your partner). Leave all your goods to your children, in trust.

Check your life insurance / pension etc, if you have any. Who are the beneficiaries? If not your kids, you can often make an expression of wish.

Ensure that this new savings account for your kids is safely locked down. If you don’t trust yourself not to access the account in the future (and tbh, I wouldn’t trust you), then perhaps your brother should be the one to open and manage the account going forward.

This may be your partner, and your children’s father, but he’s not a good one, and will spaff away any inheritance you give him. Protect your children’s financial health, if nothing else.

Get any insurance left to your children with your sister and brother overseeing it for them if you trust them

No.

Leave it in trust to your children

F me, you've had it rough with this loser. :( Be charming, get the dosh back and if that doesn't work (within your own mental timeline that you've given), then sue the fucker. I'm also of the opinion that the police won't do much, but an arrest might be enough to put the shits up him and hand it over - or it could go the other way and he digs in his heels, thinks F you and doesn't pay it. Only you know him well enough to know how to play him.

Better off putting into cash ISA you don’t get taxed on the interest. Martins Lewis money saving expert tells you all about saving accounts, not sure premium bonds are worth it unless you put 50k in.

Eeek a very expensive to lesson for you to hopefully finally believe he is what he is and will not only take from you but his children as well.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and we can all sit there and say you should never haven given him the money to put anywhere given his track record, but we’re not in your shoes.
This would have me packing up our lives together and making steps to be independent regardless of no family support. I’d rather be on my own then let someone stay that sounds as useless and awful as he is.
Hope you can get the rest of the money back, I was given some money for my children and I kept it in my normal account until I could sort out where it needed to go which is usually better then letting someone else take control of it.
It’s an old saying but a good one ‘when someone shows you who they are, you should believe it the first time’
I really hopeyou manage to live your best life going forward, which I don’t think should include him.

So you've told him how 'disappointed' you are with him? Ah well, that makes all the difference then doesn't it? He'll turn over a new leaf immediately, you'll forgive him, everyone on here will be apoplectic at your weakness, sorry kindness, and everything will just roll on as it is, same as. 'Course, you'll not see that money again, but hey ho, if he's ALL you've got ...

Was going to suggest this. You nor your boyfriend can be trusted with money

Absolutely this.

Not sure why you could only find savings accounts that paid 2% OP as there are a wide variety of ISA’s and general investments that pay far more than that.

You call him your partner but in previous threads you’ve said husband - I’m not sure if that makes a difference to any will or legal documents as legally if you’re married hes probably your next of kin.

You do realise he is probably 80% the cause of your anxiety. Get rid of him your children deserve better.

Sorry if someone has suggested this already, but could you say that your brother has found out (you could say he asked in his capacity as executor) and he’s going to the police if the 2k isn’t transferred now, with the rest in 7 days? He might not believe you’d go to the police but I suspect he sure as hell knows your brother would.

I’d be tempted to play move for a few more days and set up a text message evidence trail just for the sake of the 2k. I suspect sadly you won’t see the 3k again.

Once you’ve got the 2k back get rid of him, if you need help ask for it (counsellor, family, police etc). This has simply got to stop.

No. Till their 18.

Wow this is so stupid of you op!!
You can’t come back from this breach of trust surely. I’d be taking him to court but equally you ‘gave’ him the money!!

Calling a clearly abused and vulnerable woman stupid is appalling behaviour on your part
Whilst I agree with your point on trust, surely you could have made it more kindly in the circumstances?

But that's why he's treating you like this and stealing from you because he also thinks this is true and thinks you will also forgive him. So why would he change?

But he's not the only person you have, you have your kids and siblings and you have yourself. Put yourself first. Get your money back and then get rid. Don't ask for it, demand it back otherwise tell him you will contact the police and follow through with the threat.

He's seems like a nasty piece of work and you deserve better. Good luck 🤞🏽

I don’t understand why people are talking about calling the police- this is a debt matter which is Civil not Criminal.

Put simply he owes you money, so it’s a debt claim.

I would keep trying and play nice for a short period of time. Ask him to take out a loan to cover the remaining £3k.

Once you’ve got the money back I would end the relationship.

If several weeks go by I would end the relationship myself and pursue him for the money yourself in the court.

You can make a money claim online here: https://www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money/make-claim it’s a form plus a court fee. You’ll have to provide evidence such as bank statements, messages between the two of you about it. You need to tell the court how much is owed ie £5k. The court fee is £205, which you can also try to claim back from him

Surely this is the end of the relationship OP. Surely?

The level of passivity in the OP’s comments is making me want to scream.

You keep saying you don't have a tone but you do! Your siblings. They have withdrawn because you won't leave this man. If you do, I'm pretty sure they will support you. Honestly like a previous poster has said, you've posted this but aren't really going to do what obviously needs to happen and leave him.

He needs to transfer that £2k now that is still in the bank and then work on getting 3k back. And then boot him out.

Sorry to derail your thread, OP, but I hope the following helps other people posting for help in the future (and a lawyer comes on and someone either disputes their knowledge or accuses them of lying about being a lawyer):

Spooky2000, it does happen often on here and I think someone lying about being a lawyer is weird as fuck. It’s like lying about being an estate agent or the tax man! We’re widely hated as money-grabbing liars or else it’s some weird ass “pffft! You think you’re so smart and high falutin’!” anti-feminist shite. It’s really not THAT hard to be a solicitor. We aren’t Nobel prize winners.

PSA: it’s really unlikely someone on MN is lying about being a lawyer. There are SO many lawyers out there. FWIW, I’ve spent my career working for funds, banks, sovereigns, oligarchs, nobody that helps the world etc etc. I honestly consider it my penance to use my legal knowledge to help people IRL/MN, so someone with an odd agenda to baselessly accuse me of lying helps precisely nobody.

Of course you can go to the Police, why are you saying he knows you can't do this?