Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

Again, on this thread, there’s the difference between The Law and Real Life.

The OP hasn’t been “illegal” in doing what she did with the money. At best, it’s “unlawful”. However, her negligence as a trustee isn’t actually going to get pursued by anyone. That kind of action requires tracing, rules of equity, a heck of a lot of time, and thus money. It ain’t happening.

What IS happening is this fucker has her money and the black letter of the law nor the long arm of the police is going to save her.

This man is not a support system for you. He is actively making your life harder and more painful than it needs to be. He’s chipped away at you and got you to the stage where you think he contributes something positive to your life and that you can’t cope without him. What does he do for you that you couldn’t do for yourself? What support does he give you?

You have precisely zero chance of getting that 5k back. He’s spent three of it and I think he’s refusing to give the other two back because he wants to keep it for himself. And you could go to Small Claims Court and be awarded it, but if he’s not working, how much a week do you think you’ll be awarded out of his benefits? You’ve enabled him to steal from your children, knowing that he was a man you couldn’t rely on to tell you the truth, let alone look after a large sum of someone else’s money.

If ever there was someone in need of a course of intensive therapy, it’s you. I don’t doubt that you love your children very much and that you try to do your very best for them. But at some point, you have to look at the choices you’re making in respect of this man and ask yourself how this impacts on your DC, and whether you’re putting him before them. Every time you forgive him for treating you badly, a part of you lessens. Every time you give him another chance to let you down, they see that. And they now have a mum who feels like she can’t cope without this parasitic millstone of a man dragging her down to his level. They’re learning that a shit relationship is better than being single and happy. They’re learning that this is what is acceptable behaviour from men and this is what they should accept as women. This man is like Japanese knotweed. Attractive from a distance but absolutely destructive up close.

You gave a pathological cheating gaslighting liar £15k to look after and you're shocked you're having issues?... One born every minute.

I assumed op meant she tried to open a specific high interest a/c & the rate was no longer available. Rather than open an account at a lower rate she chose to put it in her partner’s high interest account. As he is the children’s father you would think this would be a safe enough thing to do! Stealing from your own young children is despicable!

Gambling, alcohol, drugs and women is probably where he spent it on & why he has nothing to show for it.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Do the online freedom programme to discover and establish boundaries so you can model good relationship behaviour to your kids. You need to kick him out before he bankrupt you and leaves you with a bad credit score.

Check your credit rating and make sure he hasn't taken out any loans or credit cards in your name.

Some of these threads are disgusting. Yes she may have been unwise to trust him but she did not give him any kind of permission to spend the money how he wanted nor lend money to his friends. The money the friend has been "lent" is probably already spent. I think she should go along with him until his payday and get what she can. I also think she should be recording all of their conversations about the money and his actions and she should ensure that his excuses etc are recorded as proof of the coercion. If someone says recording him without permission is a crime well the Police often ask some people who are victims/witnesses in a crime, to wear a recording device and that is without the perpetrators knowledge or permission. The OP has so little value of her own worth, driven down by him so please stop berating her - she was conned like hundreds of other people are every day. I have been conned by female friends who have borrowed or stolen from me and I am far from stupid. One of the "friends" I have known for over 35 years. I do not see her anymore but know she is still at it as I have seen her in the local newspaper - I also get alerts from Internet sites that she is obviously trying to hack into using former pets names etc It is not so easy to prove although I have no problem offering her up as the most obvious and possible/probable person trying to get goods etc. Do me wrong and I will never forget it. My only excuse at getting conned etc was my kindness and believing that everyone was trustworthy. The best/worst thing was when I had plenty of money, people only had to ask and I would have helped them out as I have done to other friends. OP now needs practical advice and emotional support which she should get from Women's Aid. I wish her all the best and the strength to walk away and stay away from this leech.

Yes. I work and rent.

Make the kids the beneficiaries of the life insurance policy, and specify that your brother and/or sister are the trustees. You can also make them the executors of your estate in your will so your partner isn't in charge of the kids' money.

I would have thought that no one would be better than him.

If you left him & stayed away I'm sure your family would help.

I can't even fathom the tiny difference there must have been on 4% as opposed to 2% on £15k for a few weeks. Not enough to bother with I wouldn't have thought. I'd have stuffed it in the 2% account and just opened a higher interest one the following day.

As he is the children’s father you would think this would be a safe enough thing to do!

Maybe not with his history though.

He actually made me get my first ccj. He told me to buy things worth £500 on my studio credit account for him and he will pay the monthly payment and he didn't. I'm just confused as I've been gaslighted for so long I can't think straight anymore.

My sister is in her 20's and I wouldn't want her to have the burden of looking after the kids. And I don't think my brother is stable enough to have them. At this point I will rather have them in the care system. I just don't want to burden anyone who have their whole alives ahead of them. I will remove him as an executor from my will.

Making them beneficiaries and your sibling/s executors/trustees doesn’t mean your siblings have to take care of your children until they’re 18. It just means 1) your kids get your life insurance money pay out and 2) it’s on your siblings to pass them that money.

And if you have a will, please re do it so the bastard doesn’t get anything, isn’t even mentioned etc. if he’s a trustee or executor for anything, you can bet your ass he’ll rack up costs (that will come out of the estate) for “performing his duties”

I think you might not get that money back unless your prepared to go to court and even than, it could be your word against his. It's a horrible thing what he has done especially as it's for your children but money brings out the worst in people. He's either gambled it, got into some dodgy scheme with his mate or tried to buy some crypto or get rich quick thing. Or spent it on random things.
He will argue with you every time you ask to see the bank account or say you don't care about him and only care about money. It's what people (man or woman or any gender) say when they have something to hide.
Don't play nice, it will be a carrot dangled in front of you. You take the action you can

Please get rid of this dead beat of a man!! Have some self worth, you’re better than this.

Start speaking to him again and get the £2k immediately. Pressure him and his friend for the £3 back. Don't trust him with money ever again.

Do you have an illness where you are terminally ill to be speaking like this? Are you expecting to die (realistically) in the next few years?

I dont particularly like the thought of my sister (also in her 20s) looking after my child now, but then again, I am not expecting to die (unless it is a tragic accident etc)

I know you said your mum has cancer and died very young which I think has led to a lot trauma you are carrying.

You now know the symptoms to look for, however. And you are more aware of this disease to be proactive in staying healthy.

I would also seek out some counselling for your mental health - it will do wonders for you

Please get try to get some therapy for your health anxiety and self-confidence while working on trying to get the money back.
It is unlikely you will die while your children are young, don't let this fear keep you with a partner who lies and doesn't care about you.
As others have said, you can protect their inheritances with various will arrangements even if he did need to be sole carer of them for some reason.
Get strong and get away from this dude.

Okay. Will do an update on my will and remove him. I put him and my sisters as executors. He was recently arguing about why I put my sister's name first as the excutors and that it doesn't show respect to him. That his name should have been first on the excutors list.

All you need to say to this is:
"You have given me no confidence that I can trust you with mine or my childrens money."

Totally this

Good news! You can do a will online for super cheap - like £20. Don’t tell him you’ve made it. But tell your siblings.

It is if at some point in the future her children realise they have been done out of their inheritance and they pursue it like the case linked above.

It is an issue if she tries to sue him to return the money and the court will find out that she has acted in breach of her fiduciary duty.

I am amazed at many people think it is perfectly OK for her to act this way with her children's money when she has been put in position as Trustee. Its no different than if she were a Trustee of money in trust for me or for you and she decides to give it to someone who can't be trusted.

No diagnosis at the moment. I'm just traumatised by everything and to have someone i thought I could rely on playing with my mental health everyday is hard. I'm already have cognitive behaviour therapy with the NHS