Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

It is so unbelievably remote a risk that her children sue her, that she doesn’t make them whole, that she sues the husband.

This is such a reassuring thing you’ve just said to yourself, OP. You can see how he harms you. That’s very real. He is doing this. You have only to gain by freeing yourself of his horrendous influence.

And he knows what he’s doing. It’s why he caused a stink with some BS “disrespect” line about your sister being named first as executor.

I have done one already and I put him as an executor and trustee. I will do another one without him.

Are you telling your therapist everything that is going on in your life? If they know have they signposted you to a domestic abuse charity or the freedom programme?

You gave a gambler 15k. WHY??

Would you give an alcoholic a barrel of whiskey.

See? You KNOW he is the cause of so much of your mental health problems, rather than a help
If you can manage to get away from him, your health will improve massively and so will everything else in your life. You and your children deserve so much more

This lowlife scum of a "partner" is actively making your life worse. And that of your children. You know he is a liar and a cheat and a gaslighter. He doesn't give a shit about you because he knows you'll take him back and now he's proven that he doesn't give a shit about the kids because he's happy to steal their money. He is a father and he's comfortable enough to gamble away money for his children's future and then lie about it to your face.

I know this is a bit of tough love but you really need to have a think about that, hard. Your children deserve better. Your family can see him for what he is. It is time to step up and do what is best for your children because he isn't going to and at the moment you've let them down. But that can change.

Look up the Freedom programme OP. And keep posting on here for support. I would bet my house that your anxiety would drastically improve if you kicked this guy out and never took him back.

No I haven't mentioned it.

Do it today or tomorrow at the latest. Stay safe and seek practical advice from Women's Aid. Are you on the Social Housing register or is your house your own/mortgaged, is his name on the rent/mortgage. Where abouts in the UK are you based as there may be charities/organisations that can help with any rehousing (if necessary) finances or debts he may have incurred in your name that you may be unaware of at the moment.Most Solicitors give 1 hour free Legal Advice if you need it. Are the children in school? Are you both on the list to pick the children up at the school? If you are leaving or breaking up with him then you need to make sure wherever necessary, that you are seen as the principal care giver and it is only you that should pick them up. Nobody wants to imagine a parent harming a child but we hear of it almost every other day and it is usually not about the children but by one parent punishing the other parent by hurting them in the worst way possible. Plese be careful.

Any health scare whilst awaiting a diagnosis is scary. I am waiting on cervical cancer results as we speak, and I have anxieties too!

One of the things we rely on when we have health scares or anxieties, is how supportive and caring our chosen partner is to us. And support of our families.

You've already realised on your reply here that your partner is not the supportive and caring person that you need in your life.

OP, I think you are a really self aware and intelligent woman. You know whats going on. Dont let him wear you down any further. Time to get a fire ignited in you again, for yourself and your kids.

When you are rid of the deadweight in your life, you will feel lighter, empowered and stronger (after initial break up sadness!)

Let your family deal with your money for you/your children. Make one of your siblings or someone else the beneficiary

You're in such a vulnerable position, and those of us saying just leave him are not in your fragile mindset. You do, however, need to begin a strategy to put yourself in a position to be able to kick him out. He is a manipulative liar, and I doubt that he's a cooking/cleaning/child caring type. You doubt yourself and it's your emotional strength that needs developing, so that eventually you can do what your family advises, what you know is necessary, and permanently split. He holds you in contempt and that is no way for you to live. You and your children deserve more.

Op, you are ruining your whole life by staying with this man because you believe you're going to die young and he'll look after your DC. I'm sorry your DM died so young but that doesn't mean it will happen to you, you will likely live to a good old age and then you be sorry you wasted years on this dickhead of a man.
By hanging on for your DC you've given this man free reign to do as he likes, he knows you won't leave so he does exactly as he likes with no come back.
Please, go and see your Dr about getting help, you needed therapy to help you when you lost your DM and it would still help you now, it could let you break out of this terrible fear. Wouldn't your life and your DC be so much better if you could find some peace of mind?

Will do that. Thank you.

Moral of the story....do not give money to someone to store in a bank account only they have access to.

all these replies and no one mentions money laundering regulations ?

I am sorry this happened to you and that you can't tell anyone.

Please don't buy premium bonds. Your children won't pay tax, so there's no benefit. Money Savings Expert says "the average return on Premium Bonds is 3.8%, but you won't earn that even with average luck." https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/premium-bonds/

Use the saving accounts you've set up - and or move the funds at a later stage to a higher paying account. www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/child-savings-tax-free/

Surely if the money was bequeathed to the children, of whom he is a parent, he has as much say over it as you do. He owes them the 3k.

Does he have any other savings given that he has the high interest account? If so he can pay you back now. Has he lent his money too or just yours?

@LIZS - no, not unless the grandmother made him a trustee and, even then, it’s a reach.

@SerendipityJane - in what capacity? AML applies to businesses and certain professions. In an umbrella sense, they’re applicable to whatever bank this money is in, but £15k hardly screams mafia.

It will be very difficult to do any effective work with you unless people fully understand how health anxiety is impacting your day to day decision making, like your relationship choices. I think you should try and mention it. No one can force you to leave the relationship until you’re ready but they can help you to get the right support so you might find the courage to leave.

But look at her responses. She is literally trying her hardest not to see the problem here. It’s nothing to do with the money and everything to do with her inability to but in boundaries and end the relationship that is so clearly damaging to herself and, most importantly, her innocent kids.

He shows you no respect. So who cares what he thinks? Why do you care what he thinks? He should be regarded as no one to you at this point

You gave away your children’s money to give him a chance to prove you can trust him??? FML.

Literally the definition of a test. You want him to prove to you this and that and you've risked/lost your children's inheritance by doing this. I don't think you're being honest with yourself about your motives for transferring this money to him. Be grateful you didn't lose it all.

I want to say something blasphemous OP.

You don't need this shit show of a man in your life. He makes your mental health and everything else in your life worse than it would be without him. Please stop choosing this!! When he tells you you need him, he's lying! He doesn't care about you at all!