To not want DH dad and sister to come to the zoo.

[Sulking]

I know this is going to be controversial.

But me, DH and the kids have always had the tradition of going for a family day out to the zoo on the same weekend every year. My parents took me and my siblings to the same zoo every year growing up and even into our teens/adult lives until we had families of our own we started taking our own families.

anyway; one year DH invited his dad and sister and I thought yes that’s fine, one year every so often won’t bother me..

ever since, they’ve asked which day we’re going and will come with us; I did say last year to DH that the next time I would like to go just as our family again as I feel like it’s not our day anymore. The kids end up going off with DH sister and it just doesn’t feel the same.

Come to this year; they’ve asked again what day we’ll be going. DH doesn’t want to say anything and feel awkward now; and so do I.. but I just want us to have that special day of just us back again. I’m not saying they can’t come again another year but I feel like they’ve intruded into our families day 😅

DH dad and sister come to our house nearly every weekend at some point for a catch up and coffee. So it’s not as if we never see them. We arrange other days out through the year with them so it’s not as if I’m trying to not see DH family. But I just want this day for us without them, but it makes me feel like I’m being a cow. I can’t explain it.

Is it because of the specific event they also want to go too? Maybe they enjoyed that event last time they want to now also visit when it's on?

In terms of FIL being slower, why can't you all go together and then split up. Maybe look at talk times or whatever and say you will meet them by a certain animal at a specific talk time. Or explain the children want to go to an activity which won't be that interesting for them, but you will meet up afterwards and will phone them to confirm where.

“Sorry, this year we have decided to go just us, but I thought the kids would love a day at the aquarium, would you like to come ?”

then move on.

The only thing I’d ask you to consider is how you think your kids might remember this in years to come.

you say your kids love their DGF and aunt. Maybe in years to come this will form a core memory for them of times spent in a family group.

Also - and I always think of this- if they do form lovely memories of time with their grandparent, maybe they will be more likely to invite YOU along to things when they are adults with their own kids.

if you quite like the idea of still going to the zoo with your kids in 30 years, maybe you should let grandad tag along now - set a precedent… 😂

Honestly if I asked what the kids prefer I’d know the answer. They love their grandad, but he is your typical older man; he doesn’t like them being too loud or generally just acting like kids so they often get a bit.. disheartened when he visits 😖 we always try and hype him up and they’re never unhappy to see him, they just know it means they have to be a lot more tame 😂 they do get absolutely excited to see DSIL though!

Just ask them. You might be surprised.

What is your obsession with this? You’ve been told. The OP has said twice now that the kids want a fun day out with lots of loving around. They don’t get that either grandad. There are plenty of fun days out they can do with him which are more aimed towards sitting and moving less. The zoo is not the place for it, and the OP doesn’t want to go with them either.

Here's a thought - one day you will be old and widowed and this innocent piece of enjoyment, which is a tiny part of your life now will loom much larger in your life and bring great joy. Go with the flow and you will be teaching your children a valuable lesson in kindness and compassion as well as setting them a good example of how they might treat you when you are older.

As you sow, so shall ye reap ..........

Did anyone ask you?

I agree with this op.

You are lucky to have pleasant ILs who want to make an effort to enrich your DC’s lives.

Can’t you think of another lovely tradition - and tell DH this new one isn’t for sharing! A theatre day with lunch at a posh burger restaurant or similar? A national trust property with a wonderful playground and picnic and ice creams? A canal boat ride? There are so many options. Incidentally is this London zoo? The puppet barge is a short ride down the river.

Start a new tradition with them. A different zoo or something. This is not a problem.

@Calliopespa

is there such a thing as a “posh burger restaurant”?! Burgers are burgers.

Well we sometimes take our Dc to places like Gourmet Burger Club, GBK or Byron which are much more palatable than, say Burger King or McDonalds, both of which I find hard to stomach. I’d say, yes, in comparison they are posh. 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you Google them I think you will see what I mean.

It’s not Claridges but would the Dc like that anyway?

Days out are expensive. It’s not fair on the dc that they need to keep pace with an elderly man.

I speak as someone who is carer to my elderly mum and love to take her on days out with my family and on holidays.

We wouldn’t take her to a theme park but something she will enjoy more, like the beach, a National Trust property, gardens etc.