To not want DH dad and sister to come to the zoo.

[Sulking]

I know this is going to be controversial.

But me, DH and the kids have always had the tradition of going for a family day out to the zoo on the same weekend every year. My parents took me and my siblings to the same zoo every year growing up and even into our teens/adult lives until we had families of our own we started taking our own families.

anyway; one year DH invited his dad and sister and I thought yes that’s fine, one year every so often won’t bother me..

ever since, they’ve asked which day we’re going and will come with us; I did say last year to DH that the next time I would like to go just as our family again as I feel like it’s not our day anymore. The kids end up going off with DH sister and it just doesn’t feel the same.

Come to this year; they’ve asked again what day we’ll be going. DH doesn’t want to say anything and feel awkward now; and so do I.. but I just want us to have that special day of just us back again. I’m not saying they can’t come again another year but I feel like they’ve intruded into our families day 😅

DH dad and sister come to our house nearly every weekend at some point for a catch up and coffee. So it’s not as if we never see them. We arrange other days out through the year with them so it’s not as if I’m trying to not see DH family. But I just want this day for us without them, but it makes me feel like I’m being a cow. I can’t explain it.

Your family day for the zoo is that particular weekend. They are asking when they're going, not insisting it's that weekend. Keep that special weekend for just your direct family, as it's a "your side" tradition, and arrange another day with them.

4 years? It’s too late. I thought they went with you only once.

To me it sounds ridiculous to upset and offend in-laws you get on with over this. So many people don't like their in-laws - you do, so think about whether you want to spoil a good relationship.

You've let it go on for four years. You're going to have to effectively tell them they've actually been unwelcome all that time or just accept that your "tradition" has changed and try to adapt to that.

Use your words, say it is for your family unit only, and trust that they can cope with their disappointment. Trust yourself to cope with feeling guilty for five minutes.

What you're avoiding is the bad feeling you think you will experience if you have the conversation, but it's just a feeling, it will pass, probably faster than you imagine.

It's OK to have boundaries. You're allowed. It's a normal and healthy thing to do.

Have your DH make up some white. That he’s been struggling to connect with you and kids lately due to stress at work, blah blah. That he’d prefer to have the quality time with you and kids on that day. Then invite them to something additional.

Yeah, this. I genuinely can’t imagine that it ruins the day if they are there. Just grow up and get on with it.

This.
Why can't your definition of "family" include grandparent and aunt?

What are you going to tell your kids when they ask why grandpa and auntie aren’t coming? If it’s a family thing put it to the vote and ask your kids what they want.

Gosh - I do think you are making too much of this! You are a big girl now! - they are doing you and the chidlren no harm, families are important, they look forward to it. Just go with the flow. If you ask your OH to say something it is putting him in a very uncomfortable position. Do not do that to him.

Unless these are people you really do not get on with or they are a bad influence on your children in some way there is absolutely no reason to risk causing a rift over such a silly thing.

It's been 4 years, you can't uninvite them now.

You caused this awkwardness by not using your words the first time and asking your DH not to invite them again.

It's now a tradition that you go with Aunty and Granddad I'm afraid.

It's not about it being amazing though, is it? It's about it being a family tradition.
There's a village fete near us that we go to every year. I would by no stretch of the imagination call it amazing. But I went as a child and took my children, so it is a lovely tradition.

Go somewhere else with them. Maybe a castle, aquarium, country park or another zoo and say “we’re planning on going here. Would you like to come to this instead?”

This is really on you for not speaking up the first time. You have let it go on for 4 years and it will sound really weird if after all this time you suddenly start saying it’s just for your family. They will feel excluded and as if they have done something wrong to now be told they can’t come after 4 years. It also looks like you are the only one with the problem so for everyone’s sake you should let it go and just enjoy the time together. Don’t create drama and upset out of what sounds like a really nice day spent with your wider family.

Is there nothing that some people won't lie about, rather than addressing a situation honestly?

Wow the things that trouble some people. Just feel lucky they can and want to spend time with you and your children.

Agree with this .

Exactly.

Feelings will be hurt otherwise. The consequences of a lie on this kind far outweighs the risk of the deception.

OP knows her in-laws best.

but do I think OP should just suck it up and accept the zoo day is now for the wider family? Yes.

Your dh has messed this up for you.
It’s become a new tradition that’s been going on too long so you need to break it sneakily. You can just refuse after they’ve been looking forward to it and it’s the fourth year in a row! That’ll cause fall outs.

Id suggest you go this year with them
AND potentially go yourselves again as a family in the early autumn.

When you go with them this year mention that next year you “fancy the safari park or aquarium” (or a different zoo you fancy)for next year anre they up for trying that and start a new tradition. Thus leaving you free to continue yours. Nobody’s upset or left out. You have a new extended family tradition.

Is he going to be struggling to connect with his family every year on an ongoing basis then?

Because she doesn’t get the special day with her kids that she loves?
this is totally fair op, say the zoo is just going to be us.

Sorry, I quoted you before you edited. I agree with your last paragraph.