Page 12 | Not happy with husband’s new living arrangements

TheWorthyNewt · 14/06/2025 18:33

Why don't you go and meet her? Friend of mine used to take in a lodger to help with her mortgage. One guy was a fella we worked with whose family stayed a few hundred miles away. His wife would visit for a weekend once a month.

BatchCookBabe · 14/06/2025 18:34

Hahaha LOL, no WAY in a million month of Sundays would this be happening in my marriage. Glad you sorted it out @MidnightOrange but hell would freeze over before I would ever let my DH spend time LIVING with another woman (single woman) whilst he was away working. Fuck that shit for a game of soldiers! Ain't happening.

Like he would never be going out with another woman (socialising) just the 2 of them. A married man has no business doing this. A woman and a man together alone, in an intimate setting with no-one else there, is a breeding ground for an affair/sly fucking. No. Just NO!

I don't believe anyone who says they'd be OK with this. No you wouldn't! 😂

Kisskiss · 14/06/2025 18:36

MidnightOrange · 12/06/2025 12:19

You call it territorialism, I call it natural boundaries. Of course there are differences between how spouses or partners relate to people of the opposite sex. My husband goes on holiday with his male friends fairly often. He probably wouldn’t go wild camping with just a female friend for instance. I don’t think that’s unusual. Your boundaries may be in different places than mine, but I bet you still have boundaries. I have absolutely no idea why you are so incensed by my husband’s and my boundaries.

I’ve already said I’m feeling insecure at the moment. Well done you if you never feel insecure. I feel very lucky I have a husband who is understanding and supportive, as I hope I would be of him. For someone who claims to want build women up, you come across as pretty judgey.

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I think you’re doing very well and keeping your composure with some ridiculous posters. Nothing wrong with what you’re saying, it’s natural to want to keep some boundaries and avoid problems

cavecat · 14/06/2025 18:37

Maybe you could get a lodger during the week, when he is away. Lots of people want monday - friday accommodation .. mention it to him. Sounds cosy, then share a bottle of wine ..well anything can happen after that.

Motheroffive999 · 14/06/2025 18:42

How many bedrooms does it have ?
I would not be happy and why would this woman want a strange man as a lodger?
Very fishy indeed

BeMellowAquaSquid · 14/06/2025 18:45

You’re assuming of course that SHE is attracted to your husband? Maybe she just needs some money makes sense to rent a room out and saves money eating same food.

Safaribar · 14/06/2025 18:49

Mudflaps · 11/06/2025 01:55

My husband works away during the week, he's stayed in a number of different types of accommodation over the last two years from a room over a pub, various hotels to a rural house advertised as a b&b but in reality was just a house full of workers like himself, definitely no breakfast provided. Most of these places were pretty soulless and made for long days and evenings which he didn't enjoy so if he found a room to rent in a home with someone he felt comfortable enough with to eat and watch tv with I'd be happy for him, its hard enough being away without being lonely too. The pub he stayed in for months was staffed entirely by women, he became friendly with them and would eat in the pub, have a drink an odd evening and when he was studying and had an online class they'd drop tea and a sandwich outside his door because they knew he hadn't had time to eat on those evenings, none of this bothered me, I was glad he had company. I know its not easy when your spouse is away so much but don't let your imagination run away on you. My dh is renting a room in a house full of others doing the same right now, everyone stays in their room or out til late, the owner lives elsewhere, its a lonely set up and while it suits him right now as he's in the middle of studying for a Masters I hope he's either home or somewhere more homely when he's done studying. I'm not criticising how you feel, it can be hard being the person at home but be careful that the emotions of missing him may be partly what's happening and why you feel the way you do. Would you feel the same if he was renting, eating etc with a man?

I used to work in hotels and we had lots of male customers who worked away a lot and were probably pretty lonely. I made an effort to get to know them, talk to them, give them breakfast in a bag etc if they were having to leave early for work. But thats not the same as watching tv at night or eating dinner with your flatmate while you've a family at home. Its quite an odd choice.

AlexiaH · 14/06/2025 18:50

MidnightOrange · 11/06/2025 00:14

My husband has a new job in a different part of the country. He lives away from home during the week and comes home at weekends. Up until now he has been staying in hotels but now he has rented a room in a flat because he wanted a more settled base. All fine. My issue is that he has moved in with a single woman about the same age as us. They are eating together and watching the tv together in the evenings. I am uncomfortable with this. It just seems too close for comfort. AIBU to say to him that I am not happy. I think he would understand how I feel and change arrangements if i pushed for it but he has struggled to find somewhere that suits him and he likes it there.

Ohhhh no he’s taking the peas! I totally understand why you’re not happy. I wouldn’t be either! Renting a room is one thing but eating with her and watch Tv….nope. My guess is she’s lonely and wants a companion. She likes him enough to eat together and watch Tv and we all know what comes next…she’ll make a move they always do. I think have a chat with him now and be honest how it’s making you feel, it’s a disaster waiting to happen. I’ve seen it happen from both sides! People start out as lodgers and then the lines become blurred. Had an ex who was a lodger, llady was 18yrs older, was indeed ugly, single and whatever else. But she was thirsty so thirsty that when he net me she was jealous, jealous enough to stalk me online and message me and ward me off. He didn’t known until I told him and was shocked (so he said) when I challenged her it all came out that he was erm giving her one every so often 🤢 and she was almost 60.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 14/06/2025 18:59

I would tell him he needs to find another, male, room mate.

Livpool · 14/06/2025 19:01

I can’t understand PPs who are annoyed with the OP - I am laidback and this would bother me. It’s a very intimate set up. It’s not a typical lodger situation

Sodthesystem · 14/06/2025 19:07

Sorry but you should never have to say you are uncomfortable with that. He has no respect for you or he would never have done that in the first place. He's a prick. Ltb.

MisterBadger · 14/06/2025 19:18

Not unreasonable at all. You should ask him how he would feel if you took in a weekday same-age male lodger in his absence, and you cooked, ate, and spent the evenings together.

TIA1988 · 14/06/2025 19:21

Sorry but FUCK NO. What's he playing at that's so disrespectful to you . If your uncomfortable tell him and ask him what he intends to do to rectify this . If for any reason he does not pack his shit and hall ass at upsetting you with these circumstances he's put himself in then throw the whole " husband " away . Surely he knows this is a boundary violation for most relationships ?

MomGran · 14/06/2025 19:28

Let him know that you advertised for a lodger and the guy is coming to view your place next week. Also, comment that it will be nice to have someone there with whom to have meals and watch tv....

Frogball · 14/06/2025 19:28

Go meet her,then go with your guy instinct

alwayslearning789 · 14/06/2025 19:38

MidnightOrange · 11/06/2025 10:06

My husband has apologised for upsetting me. He is glad I’ve spoken to him and we’re both already looking for another place. He says that I’m right, he knew it felt weird but his job and trying to get somewhere to live during the week meant his head is all over the place. I completely get that and am happy with his response. Longer term, I’m ok with our situation. I’m very independent and hopefully with good communication we’ll be ok. Having him at home with a job he doesn’t like isn’t going to help our marriage either.

Very interesting to hear the broad spectrum of feelings on this though!

Just to say great that you were able to chat through this and all is okay. Says a lot about your relationship which is lovely.

You were right to bring it up and nip in the bud straight away, as no need to let this kind of thing continue even if seemingly harmless at the outset.

Mcoco · 14/06/2025 19:39

Seems like you have solved the situation now. I am sure he will soon find somewhere else to live.

MumWifeOther · 14/06/2025 19:47

What the ???? This is crazy.

CastorWheels · 14/06/2025 19:51

cavecat · 14/06/2025 18:37

Maybe you could get a lodger during the week, when he is away. Lots of people want monday - friday accommodation .. mention it to him. Sounds cosy, then share a bottle of wine ..well anything can happen after that.

Excellent idea.

He could keep his slippers warm till he returns.

CastorWheels · 14/06/2025 19:52

alwayslearning789 · 14/06/2025 19:38

Just to say great that you were able to chat through this and all is okay. Says a lot about your relationship which is lovely.

You were right to bring it up and nip in the bud straight away, as no need to let this kind of thing continue even if seemingly harmless at the outset.

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Really you think it's lovely.

I think it's an insult.

CastorWheels · 14/06/2025 19:54

Sodthesystem · 14/06/2025 19:07

Sorry but you should never have to say you are uncomfortable with that. He has no respect for you or he would never have done that in the first place. He's a prick. Ltb.

This

SuperSue77 · 14/06/2025 20:08

Trust him or not - he shouldn't be doing this. He needs to put a stop to it asap if he respects his marriage.

Sodthesystem · 14/06/2025 20:13

Just shocking the nonsense some people will put up with. And this mad need to infantalise men and act like they 'don't understand' when things are massively disrespectful. Of course they do!

A conversation with him?
Fuck that for a laugh. He's mugging you off.
Only conversation that needs had is 'my solicitors will be in touch regarding the divorce'.

We need to stop making lame excuses for men treating women like shit. He's basically slapped you in the face with a wet fish and went 'how'd you like them apples? Oh wait, I don't actually care'. And youve gone 'oh maybe I need to chat to him and ask him not to do that because...and maybe I'm overreacting here but, I'm not happy with it'.

Oh he's decided to magnanimously change the situation because you've told him it makes you uncomfortable. Wow, what a prince amongst men.

Audiprettier · 14/06/2025 20:15

meagain3 · 11/06/2025 00:28

Sorry this made me die😂🙈

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Ditto! 😇

However,
I understand you feeling really uncomfortable about this. I would encourage alternative arrangements! It sounds a little bit too cozy already!! Surely he must see that? 💐

shuggles · 14/06/2025 20:56

@MidnightOrange From experience, I can confirm that it's extremely rare for random women to be attracted to men. I have worked closely with dozens of single women, and none of them have ever tried or said anything romantic or sexual.

The chances that this woman views your husband in a romantic way are extremely low.

As for watching TV together in the evenings... that sounds like a comfy friendship to me.