Partner wants to move AGAIN - am I being unreasonable to lose the plot over it??

[Arsenalma]

So we’ve moved 3 times in the last 4 years and now DH wants to move again 😩

Bit of background - we moved for his job in 2021 (fair), then again in 2022 cos he hated the first place (also fair-ish), then last year cos the kids’ school situation was a nightmare. I’ve basically packed and unpacked my life more times than I’ve had hot dinners. Kids are FINALLY settled. I’ve got a part-time job I actually like. We’ve got mates nearby. And now he’s saying this isn’t the “forever house” and he’s seen somewhere “perfect” 2 bloody hours away.

I just can’t face it again. The logistics, the stress, the cost - and for what?? Another ‘maybe this’ll be better’ pipe dream. It’s like he’s addicted to Rightmove.

We’ve had a few rows about it already. He thinks I’m “resisting change” and being negative. I think he’s chasing some fantasy and forgetting the actual real-life upheaval this causes. Not to mention what it does to the kids - DS started actually sleeping through and DD’s made proper friends for the first time.

Not sure what I’m after posting this tbh. Just needed a rant and maybe to hear if anyone else has a serial mover for a partner? Or if I’m just being a stubborn cow.

Anyway cheers for reading if you got this far 😅

I would tell him I'm not moving again.

Goodness no way! I sold and moved ‘21 into rented, then bought in Sept 23 into our home and there’s no way I could face moving anytime soon again!
2 hours away as well?? Why!

Did he grow up moving frequently (ie, was he an army brat or similar)? My XH was like this and he grew up with a dad in the RAF and moving every two or three years - he could not settle anywhere. After eighteen months he was after moving again, even if we'd only just put down roots. He also found it hard to make friends, because he was so used to leaving everything regularly. Sometimes he could get by by just rearranging the rooms or furniture or redecorating, but ultimately he'd want to be moving every four or five years.

I had to put my foot down once the kids were in school and he was wanting to move 300 miles 'just because'.

God no. I’ve moved too many times to count due to renting houses. We are finally in a HOA house and I have no intention on moving unless I absolutely have to.

If you do move the chances are he will want to move again next year.

Honestly you both have to put the welfare of the children first and it sounds like staying where you are is the best thing for them.

Plus why should you give up your job and go through all the stress of yet another move?

It sounds as though it's all about him and what he wants.

If he won't put the interests of the rest of the family first I would tell him you are staying put and he can go if he wants.

My mother is like this and still is in her 70s. All five of her children have chosen to put down roots and our children are a great deal happier and more genuinely confident than we were.

This! Tell him the choice is the house you’re in with you and the DC or the other house without!

Sounds like he'll never be happy no matter where you move to. I would absolutely refuse to move again. You are not a passenger in his life. This is your life too and he cant expect you to keep following him around the country.

Fuck that with bells on!

What is 2 hours away this time? A new job or just another house? Would he have to change jobs again?

But I'd be saying no, especially if the kids are settled.

Is he in witness protection?🤫

“DH, we’ve spent £x on moving over the past 4 years. That could have paid for y. The DC are settled here. I am settled here and have a job which I enjoy. The house were in suits us because it has x rooms, space for y, potential for z.

If we move, we lose all of these things.

And you probably still won’t be happy.

What is it you want out of a home? What is missing in this one?

I Am prepared to think about moving when the kids are approaching secondary age. We can find somewhere that has suitable schools for them. Until then, me and the kid aren’t moving.”

Oh god, no I’d refuse if there’s no good reason. I’m about to do my 6th move in 12 years and I’m absolutely over it.

3 out of the 5 we have done so far were necessary, and this last one is due to our divorce! We chased the property dream and got it, and life is still fucked. So I am sworn off houses now. Selling the dream house and will be back to boring ordinary ville. After this I’m staying put. It’s such hard work and completely not worth it.

I can't stand moving. I confess I have too much clutter, but I've only ever moved four times in my entire life (not counting when my parents moved when I was young).

If there isn't a compelling reason, I would be staying where I am.

Maybe compromise - agree to move but only if it near enough to current house that your children’s schooling is not impacted. That seems to be a minimum ask. Once the ‘perfect’ house 2 hrs away is off the table that should buy some time. Also - how about only if HE does all the planning, organising, packing/unpacking? Might be a bit less keen then like you. Lastly, have you bought and sold each time or renting? If buying, how much must you have spent just on stamp duty and costs? Run some numbers maybe the cold finances will be enough of a wake up call.

Tell him to go to therapy. It’s cheaper than paying the expenses of moving yet again.

No. Just no.

I had years and years of this. Nothing was ever enough, the insanity of the money-making schemes would have given me a breakdown if we hadn't been bankrupt before that could happen.

The mistake I made for 20 plus years was believing that he'd be happy WHEN xyz...
and doing back flips sorting everything every time, in the hope that one day he'd stfu and enjoy what we'd worked for.

It never happened. After loads of really tough and all consuming projects, we bought what to me dream house (I'd have been happy to stop three houses before that, tbh). It was a joint decision and I threw myself into another massive project. I adored it and felt so lucky to be there. He bellyached DAILY about tiny stupid things. It was embarrassing when other ppl overheard. Got to the point where he was literally whining about it every waking hour. It was absolutely disordered. We were both self employed and wfh so no escape.

He put that house on the market about 5 times but this was during the crash and it wasn't finished so it never sold. He dragged me and two dds (right through their childhoods, this went on for 13 years) to numerous unattainable and uninhabitable projects.

Eventually amongst much other emotional abuse, I left him. Now doing up my 14th property which I didn't want to have to do, it broke my heart to leave the last one but I'm happily remarried.

That's the very short version. It's fine if it's a hobby, it's fine if it's a dream. I still like looking on Rightmove, but I understand my limitations and don't lose sleep over it.

He can fuck right off if it's a hook to hang a ton of negativity on and blame you for not being "go-getting" enough. Unless you're 100% on board, you're entitled to say no and he needs to accept that, whether or not you agree to revisit it in x number of years.

Nope.

I don’t love our house (though I think the notion of a “forever house” is ridiculous) and I don’t love our area. Nonetheless since the kids are settled here, the house meets our needs, schools are good and we have a good life here we aren’t moving until the kids are flown unless someone’s life depends on it. I would tell DH to go alone if he suggested it.

This is not an ok thing to do to your kids. They need stability.

Moving would be completely detrimental to your children. Don't even consider it.

He’s a selfish prick. And he needs to examine why he feels the grass is always greener. It’s a huge failing on his part.

Doesn't he care about your kids?

He's never going to be happy