Partner wants to move AGAIN - am I being unreasonable to lose the plot over it??

[Arsenalma]

So we’ve moved 3 times in the last 4 years and now DH wants to move again 😩

Bit of background - we moved for his job in 2021 (fair), then again in 2022 cos he hated the first place (also fair-ish), then last year cos the kids’ school situation was a nightmare. I’ve basically packed and unpacked my life more times than I’ve had hot dinners. Kids are FINALLY settled. I’ve got a part-time job I actually like. We’ve got mates nearby. And now he’s saying this isn’t the “forever house” and he’s seen somewhere “perfect” 2 bloody hours away.

I just can’t face it again. The logistics, the stress, the cost - and for what?? Another ‘maybe this’ll be better’ pipe dream. It’s like he’s addicted to Rightmove.

We’ve had a few rows about it already. He thinks I’m “resisting change” and being negative. I think he’s chasing some fantasy and forgetting the actual real-life upheaval this causes. Not to mention what it does to the kids - DS started actually sleeping through and DD’s made proper friends for the first time.

Not sure what I’m after posting this tbh. Just needed a rant and maybe to hear if anyone else has a serial mover for a partner? Or if I’m just being a stubborn cow.

Anyway cheers for reading if you got this far 😅

I agree with this. Moving is a huge deal, especially for the children and is one if the major decisions that you would have to agree on.

I have wanted to move for many years but my husband said no, I did not harass him about it or slag him off for not wanting to move. Your husband is playing dirty saying that stuff to you. Especially as you have already moved several times.

So unsettling for your kids not to mention. The money in stamp duty you’ve literally thrown away

This!! It’s all about him him him. What a selfish man. Sounds like he doesn’t give a shit about the effects this has already had on your children, or what any future moves will do to them.

We've moved 4 times in as many years (rentals), 3 times of which were more than 2 hours away from the last.

We are BROKEN. Physically and mentally, completely and utterly broken.

I'd also chime in with other pp's that my parents moved when I was 10 (sister 14) and 14 (sister gone at age 16, 2 years earlier) and both of those moves completely messed us up both academically and socially.

Just don't do it. He needs to start thinking about other people who are not him and find another way to satiate his wanderlust/low boredom threshold.

And me!! Mi ing around frequently for no genuine reason! Uprooting the children / new schools. Sounds absolute hell. Stand firm OP

Have you asked him why his need for the excitement of moving trumps his children’s needs for stability?

Are you buying and selling each time or renting ?
If buying have you to pay stamp duty ?
If so, what a waste of money.
Moving costs aren’t cheap either.

There’s no argument to be had. Say no you won’t be moving again end.

“No I’m not moving again” repeat.

Absolutely this. Wait until the kids have grown to find the perfect home (which doesn't exist). He sounds very selfish.

I think just say it's time to put the kids first and stick to that like glue.

I understand wanting to move for the sake of improving your house/lifestyle. My DH is a bit resistant to moving but we will be doing it next year as where he is concerned he knows we need more parking and living space and also doesn’t like the neighbours…he just can’t be bothered! We’ll only be staying in the same town though and that will hopefully be our forever home (or at least the next 10 years or so). Why on earth does he want to move 2 hours away? It’s so underrated these days but community is everything

Also - think of the stamp duty!!

When I move into a house, it takes about a year for it to feel like my home anyway.. I'd hate that. Was it always supposed to be temporary? Or just something he's come up with?

What is he looking for that he thinks the next house will give him?

Whatever it is, I’d tell him that if he wants to move he’s more than welcome to, and to send me a postcard when he gets there as I’m sure as fuck not moving again.

Tell him to move, see if he likes it there, and if so, he can stay 😀 Everyone's happy 😃

He’s not thinking of his family - dig your heels in and get your kids onside too. We didn’t move house for 20 years simply so our kids could stay at their school. I had to move house/school age 8 and it was absolutely awful - so there was no way I was going to do that if my kids were settled and happy.

Traveller family (as in hippy/new age). I have brought up the impact (not in an aggressive way) but my mum starts crying and then guilt tripping me so I've just dropped it tbh.

I would move house every year if I could - I never feel settled and am always chasing the 'perfect' place/ideal life that doesn't exist. I've been like this for as long as I can remember and it is a massive pain in the arse for my loved ones. I recently discovered that restlessness and a craving for novelty are part of my ADHD. Is this a possibility for your husband? Knowing this is a 'mental health' issue makes it a bit easier to try and focus on putting down roots where I am. But I hate that I never feel settled - I would really love just to stop still and enjoy life where I am. I genuinely envy those who have that ability.

Absolutely not my parents moved 8 times I went to seven schools. Try making friends that many times.

My children went to one primary and one secondary school. There's no way I'd have uprooted them.

I am addicted to Rightmove. But the complete hassle of moving puts me off the reality 🤣

Did you make it too easy to move those 3 times? I'm not blaming you but I wonder if you took all the hassle so perhaps he doesn't feel it's as difficult as it actually was for you?

I have a relative like this. The cost of it all these days is alarming.

My step mother moved multiple times. Sadly I don't think the next house ever delivered more happiness, just less money.

Just no.
We moved 4 times in 4 years (not by choice).
Once dc started school that was it. DH commuted to work, I got a local job cos that was best for the kids.

Hmmm....I have to say I understand. I am a bit of a serial mover and a Rightmove addict! BUT - I understand it's not just me and not just my choice. We moved in 2020 and 2021 and I would happily move every 2 years I guess. However, these moves didn't mean upheaval for our kids schools and we weren't going 2 hours up the road. That's different! Does his job allow him to do that?

Exactly.