Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

This isn't difficult.

Don't be a twat.

Somebody else's physique is none of your business.

It's so basic we teach primary school children this stuff.

No-one on this thread has said being overweight is healthy or aspirational. What people have said is that it's normal because it's quite common, especially a size 14-16 which is likely to be a couple of points above a healthy BMI at the very most. Same as struggling with cost of living is quite normal at the moment. No-one would say that's a good thing but it is a very normal thing.
Even if anyone here, or the bride, has a misguided idea of what a healthy weight is though, when she is walking down the aisle is always a particularly rude time for a guest to make a joke about her weight.

🙄

@OnePearlJoker you’ve said you’re a nurse in another thread, boasted about apparently being rich and thin on this thread, also claimed to have a learning disability, defended this man’s right to mock the weight of a bride as she walked down the aisle, mocked other people’s rights to do the same, and got at people who struggle with their weight.

I don’t think we’re the ones with the problems.

I’m not sure you even know the weight of anyone on this thread do you? So how would you have the vaguest idea about denial?

I am ‘rich and slim’ too. But I think you are posting in a really dickish way. Life isn’t as black and white as you are making out.

Yeeees, we may all be richer and thinner than YOU @OnePearlJoker ! 😉

I would like to bet that most people who are offended by the word fat are in fact those people with greater gravitational pull than those who are not offended by the word fat.

People have friends they care about.

Or do you not?

Explain how that’s a joke?
Not even slightly funny.

Because life becomes fairly fucking painful if you can’t even laugh at yourself.

That is her own DH laughing at her not pp laughing at herself. Very different.

Imagine not being able to tell the difference, @Expatornot 😬
Probably explains a lot.

Oh I hope they don't. Why spoil their memories of a very important day.

Who knows how many other people potentially heard it or if someone was recording during that time. Unfortunately it's very possible that she may hear it on a video or from someone else who also heard him say it.

I don't know that anyone has really said they're offended by the word itself? Like I said upthread, the main movement I've seen that advocates for using the word fat is led by plus-size influencers and campaigners.

The crucial thing is not the actual word; it's the intent with which it's said. Fat can be used entirely neutrally and factually. But it can also be used in a way that makes it clear the speaker intends it as an insult. The man who is the subject of this thread didn't say the word fat, but he intended to insult and mock the bride because he considered her to be fat.

I think it's a word you have to use with care because it has negative connotations that have been attached to its use as a pejorative. But that doesn't mean it is always offensive. And the people I've seen use it in the least offensive way have always been fat people who happily describe themselves as fat.

Basically, I am very unclear on what point you're making and what you're referring to on the thread so far when you say that fat people are more offended by the word fat than thin people are? That's very much not my experience or anything I've seen posters on here say.

Bit below the belt, it’s her wedding day for crying out loud. I take it your husband is fit with abs for days? If not, sounds rich coming from him.

So your best argument in response to those people saying it's wrong to laugh at overweight people is....to call them fat?
Don't ever be tempted to join a debating society will you?

Aww the bully defence.
’It’s just banter though’

How will you feel if you ever have any health conditions that cause you to gain weight?

What an arsehole.

I’m not black but it doesn’t mean I’m not offended by racism. I’m not a Muslim, doesn’t mean I’m not offended by Islamophobia. I’m not gay, doesn’t mean I’m not offended by homophobia……

Your dh will just need to face the consequences, so that might mean delivering a grovelling apology and possibly losing his friend for being so disrespectful of his wife on their wedding day.

Well I think anyone who cares about her would delete it/not repeat it. I hope people would care more for protecting the bride rather than dropping this man in it.

I do hope the groom can find out without his wife knowing. He should know the truth about his so called friend.