Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

Exactly - well done, you're getting it!

Yes.

Which part are you missing here? Well yes, how someone speaks of themself is up to them, it doesn't mean it's open season for everyone else to insult them. Nothing strange about that at all. My friend is 5'9 and 19st. She is always complaining 'I'm such a fat bastard, I need to diet.' I'm not about to say 'Well, yes you are actually!'

Fat people know they are fat, they don't need some arsehole announcing it as they are walking down the aisle though. The woman in question was a size 14 so unless she is 5ft nothing I doubt she is ever so fat, especially not to warrant such a twatty comment from OP husband.

I'm 5'7 and a solid size 14. I like to be a size 10, so I'm fat for me at the moment.

Like I said previously, if someone thought this they should keep it to themselves or say something later on in private.

Whether or not the bride is fat is hardly the point here. Why the freedom to comment on a woman's size at one of the most important moments in her life? What does her weight have to do with the ceremony underway?
It's as though a woman's size is the most important thing about her, no matter what.

I'm sorry but your DH's comment reflects a very narrow, petty and sexist mindset: is THAT what's uppermost in his mind at such an emotional and tender moment for another human being? I'd rather be fat than be so limited.

Honestly if I was the friend who overheard this I would probably tell the husband. Because I would want them to know that his ‘friend’ (your husband) is no friend.

He made a such in inappropriate and rude comment and frankly deserves to be called out on it and I hope they do!

Yes. That’s generally how things work.

This!!

So what if she is fat. Why does he care enough to comment?

Its because they think it will make the menz like them better and not make comments about THEM

All you larger ladies should come to Africa where in many cultures fat is something to be attained and a sign of prestige or wealth and points to fertility and maturity.

I really do understand the unkindness in what the OPs husband did. But I really think a lot of posters are over exaggerating their own sainthood by insisting that they do not think badly or have never said a bad word about someone else’s appearance. The OPs husband just was not very discreet about it.

But I really think a lot of posters are over exaggerating their own sainthood by insisting that they do not think badly or have never said a bad word about someone else’s appearance.

I think your standards are so low @expatornot if you think it's sainthood to not think badly of fat people. I think it's basic human decency, not some unattainable virtue - and it's not a case of never having said anything bad about any aspect of someone's appearance, it's a case of not slagging off the bride as she walks down the aisle. Not laughing at all the fat people in a swimming pool. These are the examples on the thread that people have objected to - because these are egregious examples of unpleasant behaviour.

And no one should have to go to Africa or anywhere else in order to be treated with dignity or considered worthwhile based on what their body looks like. We could just try not being complete dickheads over here? That's all I'm asking, not for sainthood, just not being the kind of twat who fat shames the bride on her wedding day.

Expatornot - the whole thing (the OP's husband's actions) are steeped in mysoginy. The same behaviour that sees women abused on social media over their appearance. If you are scrolling instagram and you see a comment that says 'fat bitch' under a woman's post, do you just shrug that off? Please, don't minimise it.

Kelly Osbourne has said she has had drug problems alcohol problems and been overweight "i got more vitriol for being fat than i did for anything else"

Also, can I add, the bride's friend is fab for pulling the wanker up on it (it seems all the OP could muster was nudge). We all need friends like her.

There's a vast chasm between sainthood and 'joking' an average sized bride is so hugely overweight that she's lucky she can fit down an average sized aisle, as that bride passes, when you are that bride's guest, loudly enough for that bride's friends to hear.
We all make judgements about people all the time but the trick to not slipping into arsehole territory is to keep the really nasty thoughts, the ones that reflect so badly on us, to ourselves. It's also to not treat people badly based on instant judgements we might have made because of their body size, skin colour, nose size, skin clarity, disabilities etc.

Aw she's only a 14/16 and he felt the need to make a comment like that. I think that's so awful. Not that it would be ok to say to anyone but ffs she's basically average, nowhere near not fitting down an aisle. I'd be disgusted with him tbh.

Please don't let him say anything. The couple would never forgive him if they found out whether he apologises or not, if she hadn't heard it'll just upset her.

The friend sounds like a good friend who probably wouldn't say anything. It would only upset the bride if she did.

It would also protect the bride if she told the groom. Imagine that poor woman socialising with that man in future, maybe hosting him, thinking he was a friend, when all the time he was laughing at her for her appearance? I think the friend needs to tell the groom so he can decide if he wants to expose his wife to someone who thinks those things about her.

A lot of people on this thread are in serious denial about their own weight… no wonder obesity is costing the NHS billions, when people think it’s perfectly normal to be overweight. Delulu.

Is a woman's wedding day when she's midway down the aisle the time to bring that up though?

She's not a noteworthy size, in any way. Making a nasty comment about how a bride looks, is horrendous.

You are (again) using a different meaning of normal from everyone else. You take it to mean good, healthy. Everyone else means it’s not uncommon. No delusions.

I think the NHS will survive all the size 14-16 women honestly. Especially as being in the overweight category is associated with greater longevity in post-menopausal women.

And yet again, what on earth is your understanding of the word normal????

64% of adults in the UK are either overweight or obese. Therefore, as they are in the majority, it is normal to be overweight. No-one is saying that it is healthy or desirable but it is normal.

I know what you're saying but I still wouldn't want to taint her memory of her wedding day, and I'd be worried the groom would tell her.

Anyone who says something like that about a bride is likely to say awful things all the time, so hopefully she'll not spend much time with him.

If he had commented on the size of her nose or her man hands while walking down the aisle, the comments would be the same.

I'm still not understanding why some feel compelled to discuss the weight of others? Just, why? How does it affect you?

Giving others a good kicking, makes some feel better about themselves.