Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

I saw this a few posts back!

It was so we all know that poster is sub size 14.

Perhaps being commented on when she was larger has made that a Very Important Thing for her to tell people - which is why we are all saying that commenting on prople’s weight isn’t kind. It affects people negatively.

Homophobia, racism, misogyny, ableism are all on the same spectrum of bullying as mocking fat people. I brought that up in response to your assertion that mocking fat people is better from a moral standpoint than mocking disabled people. I was arguing that it's all bad. But these aren't arguments you seem able to engage with; you just want to repeat ad nauseum that size 14 is fat. I think you've made your point there now.

I think they do; I don't think they should. I think we can counter and challenge it if and when we see it rather than accept it as inevitable.

I think you’re sensitive because you have weight issues and now clinging on to notion how people are mocking disabled people, no one brought that up but you.

I have all sorts of opinions and know which ones to keep to myself, because I'm an intelligent adult. I may have huge shoulders but facially I'm bloody stunning and have the most spectacular hair. I may look at @OnePearlJoker if I knew them in real life and think them very plain and too thin, but I wouldn't keep banging on about plain faced women to make myself feel better. People are what they are, for a lot of people their appearance is out of their control and mocking or judging them for it is just plain daft. I know where I lucked out and where I didn't, all to do with genetics and nothing to do with moral fibre or lack of!

Of course I’m not saying you’re lying but it’s not hard to put in numbers on a bmi calculator that might not be entirely accurate for the purpose of a debate.

I think you're confusing me with another poster. I wasn't the person who brought disability into the discussion. Nor have I disclosed my dress size. The latter because my appearance is irrelevant to my opinions. Are you going to answer my question?

Plenty of people have brought it up. Partly because there are weight issues that are caused or exacerbated by disabilities, health conditions and medications. So when someone mocks a fat person, they may be mocking a disabled person. Neither of those things are acceptable by the way. @Emonade was offended by the use of an ableist word upthread but also talked about how she finds fat jokes funny. Posters wanted to point out the hypocrisy and double standard there. A person can't claim a moral high ground by saying 'disablism is bad' when they find other forms of bigotry not only acceptable but also hilarious. In her mind, she's made a distinction but many other people will find that kind of attitude pretty repellant as we've seen on the thread.

You sound jealous

You sound like you really hope so.

Hasn’t your weight journey taught you any understanding?

Why would it teach me understanding? If anything it taught me I lacked willpower and was pretty miserable being fat and I was bitter because I couldn’t fit into nice clothes. Luckily I don’t have any of them issues now and realise that people are clearly jealous and unhappy with their own bodies.

So, you've gone from a person who was bitter and jealous of thin people to one who enjoys haranguing, judging and criticising fat people? Seems to me that's less about weight than about character.

It hasn’t taught you much about grammar either, sadly.

of what exactly ? I haven’t lowered myself to start disclosing my finances or my dress size here because I am aware of the fact that no one cares. Apart from maybe you actually.

And? You criticising everyone on this thread for their grammar or only slim posters? I have a LD, so well done you for mocking that. If you read the thread this far, mocking disabled people is a huge red flag. Really shows what type of person you are.

Tbh it sounds like you have serious issues around your image. Perhaps you should seek professional help for this as it’s not a healthy way of thinking: We don’t actually know who is slim and who isn’t on this thread apart from those who have disclosed it.

Bitter I couldn’t fit into nice clothes. Didn’t mention anything about being jealous of thin people. But it’s very apparent from this thread that a lot of people are and obviously are deeply unhappy.

You come across as projecting and deeply unhappy. People with high self esteem and happy with themselves, don't feel the need to throw stones.

I think we should avoid moving to a narrative of the deserving vs undeserving when it comes to weight. Sharon is overweight due to a health issue. We should be kind to Sharon. Janet is overweight because she eats too much cake. We can ridicule Janet.

Frankly we should have all learned by the time we left primary school that it is not acceptable to comment on the appearance of others in an unkind way. I have no idea why people would think this is ok, or why they would want to do it.

I absolutely agree with this and it is a pitfall of these discussions. I don't think it's ok to mock fat people whatever the cause of their weight; I just want to point out the inconsistency of those who argue on the one hand that they love making fat jokes but on the other, they are horrified by disabled jokes. Both because they might be doing both at the same time and then of course simply because neither one is a decent way to behave and neither group of people, crossover or not, should be treated that way. .

Serious issues because I’ve stated I’m slim… sure okay. I think a lot of people are projecting their own insecurities, it’s pretty obvious the ones that think it’s normal to be overweight have deluded thoughts around their own body image. You should maybe tell them people to seek help. I’m very happy with how I look and if people want to make comments regarding my size or appearance I don’t really care what strangers on the internet think. Body shaming seems to only apply if you’re overweight judging from these comments.

I don't think that people who object to a man making fun of the bride's weight at her wedding are really the deeply unhappy or bitter people. I think they're just people with a functioning moral compass and a grasp of social etiquette.

Those who think that comment is fine, that it's funny, that it's reflective of what most people are thinking or that it's just inevitable that comments like this will happen - i do think those people carry a bitterness and unhappiness. To not even be able to comprehend that other people go about their lives not making snide comments even in their heads speaks to an insecurity or an innate cruelty that not everyone has. The marvelling on here that some people must be 'saints' or 'perfect' because they'd never look a bride and make a cutting comment suggests that some people's lives and minds are just quite dark.

I don’t think that has come across at all.

I see people feeling rightly defensive about the fact that some people see it as fair game to belittle people for their body.

I am glad for you you have got to a point that you feel happy with your size, but not everyone larger is, as you profess to have been, essentially greedy and lazy. Even if they are eating unhealthily , can you not think back to reasons why that happened? There normally are some …

And vice versa to the people shaming slim people… projecting and deeply unhappy.

It does.