Just need some assurance I didn't do anything wrong - Content Warning concerns DV.(added by MNHQ)

[Andoutcomethewolves]

About an hour ago I went to the bathroom and when I came back my H was spreadegeled over the entire bed so there was no room for me. I shoved him a few times (not hard, just jiggling his shoulder and prodding his arm to try and wake him up) and ended up shouting at him to move to one side or the other so I could actually get into bed. For context he does this to me regularly - it's a small double and easy to take up too much space but whenever he says it to me I just move. Or I usually go and sleep on the sofa but I currently have a fractured coccyx which is really sore and have important work stuff to do tomorrow so a proper night's sleep in a comfortable bed was really important.

He eventually woke up, screamed in my face that I was a bitch and punched me, hard, on my fractured coccyx multiple times. I'm now in so much pain I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Apparently I deserved it because I shoved him and asked him to move to the other side of the bed. Meanwhile he's now happily snoring away.

I'm honestly so upset. And he's going to expect me to do the work stuff tomorrow (well, today) as I'm the breadwinner.

I want to escape this relationship right now but I don't know how.

Call the Police. They will arrest him. DV is taken very seriously nowadays, get him out of the house and don’t ever let him back. Police and DV charities will support you all the way. This is totally unacceptable x

Also don’t know what being middle class has to do with anything

Anyone who pisses on a floor because they are too drunk to get to the toilet and too incapable of cleaning up after themselves is Scum Class

I think understand your situation, you don't know who to trust and there are many people with conflicting loyalties depending on who they are listening to. Threats from your partners family are to scare you as they must know what he is like and manipulating you into keeping quiet when (and I dont mean if, I mean when) you do walk away from this lowlife. You say he is middle class but that is irrelevant when someone is a c**t. You are very brave and asking for some guidance on MN might be challenging when people are picking holes in your posts. Good luck, please try to find those professionals you can trust and turn your life around before it's too late OP.

Hmmmm, yeah me too. 🤔
So many contradictions.
Why????

I have read so many versions of your story over the time you've been posting OP.

You always say "I need to get out, don't I!?" and yet here you are again.

It is very difficult to leave an abusive situation, I understand that. But I find your mentioning of self harm to try and manipulate the responses given to you here quite rude.

We are all understandably a bit fed up. This is a useless abusive man. We have all invested a lot of time bring gentle and giving advice. There's only so many times we can say the same thing before frustration comes through in our tone.

You deserve more. You deserve to be safe and happy.

Leave his flat. Report him for assault and get on with your life.
A report of assault will also help if his father decides he's going after you, but it's unlikely he will get anywhere.

You need to start using some critical thinking skills or open up to someone in your life who will walk you through this. Your health issues and cptsd is making your thinking clouded and you are just prolonging an escalating situation.

We are all concerned about you and tough love is exactly what we would give our sisters or friends in real life

WHAT!😱

Call women's aid explaining you do not want to speak to X and y who you know personally.

Please just call!.Please leave this man...I beg you. No one should live like this. I know how you feel but you can't go on like this

I think you need to go to your own house and leave him for good. In some ways the situation is a lot more straightforward because it’s his flat and you have your own house. You don’t have to put your brother and family out, at least not just yet, but surely you can live there till things are sorted even if it’s sleeping on the couch for now.
Please please go get your injuries checked and documented with Police and GP/hospital. That will ensure you have the evidence should you need to get an interdict/restraining order in future.
You don’t need a ‘hotel break’, you need to get out, permanently, to your own house that you own.

Run, run now. It will be the hardest thing you do but you will be so pleased you did. I’m currently dealing with a fallout of almost 4 decades of dv in the family, police statements etc, we are lucky the victim is alive. Go now.

Are you scared of him? Has he hurt you in the past?

Because some people need the attention and are professional victims. You cannot wake up those who are pretending to be asleep.

Jesus. You need to get away from this NOW.

Coincidentally, it was when I tried to get him to move over so I could get into bed that my own alcoholic ex punched me for the first time. Trust me: it will never get better and he will do you serious harm. He will not stop drinking and he will not become a better man. You MUST get away.

So your family has blocked him but will automatically side with him? That doesn't make any sense.

I knew where this story was going the moment you started describing him spreadeagle on the bed, refusing to move, making it impossible for you to have space to get in. He was picking a fight, OP. He wanted you to react so he had an excuse to hit you.

Phone the Police. Now On both him and his friend and take it from there

And you, with your sociopathy.

I think you need to stop supporting others & think of yourself.

Move into your house & if your brother doesn't like it he can move out.

Maybe better still sell it & have a fresh start!

Pretending being the key word here methinks, sadly

Which sibling is speaking to you? The one living in your house?

I'm sorry but you do need to get the family out your house and sort your own shit out. I understand you are going through a shit time but the only person to make change happen is you.
You need a safe place to live and as you already have a home then you need to go to it. You haven't said how it is owned (outright, buy to let?) and if your sibling is paying to live there.

You are a bit contradictory in your post - you are the breadwinner and have work to go to today but then you mention not having a job (unless I have got confused).

You also say family are supportive but then that they aren't as they take his side.

You need professional help as I believe these 'excuses' and changes in story are all part of your beliefs that things can't change and until you face reality and do something then life isn't going to get better for you.

How are you so calm? I would have called an ambulance for myself and had the assault reported to the police from A & E. THAT would sort this whole thing out.

Your post makes me want to cry. I feel so sorry for you he purposely tried to hurt you were you are already fractured. This person is not in any way shape or form a empathetic human being. A stranger may give you more empathy than this man lying in your bed. I'm so sorry I have honestly been here before. Please remember who you are. If you are the bread winner you do not need this subhuman POS taking up your bed. Reclaim what is yours and either get him out if it is your home or you leave. You don't deserve it no body would deserve this. Please prioritise your peace and your sanity don't let this be normalised by him there is no way he can spin this yarn. This is a line he's crossed he can't come back over now. The damage is done. Please go to the doctor sign yourself off sick tell them you are a victim of domestic abuse. They will help and signpost you they need to help you. Protect yourself.

Ring Samaritans Op if you think it'd be helpful. It's highly unlikely you'll get through to anyone you know. It's a national number, there are over 200 branches nationwide, and thousands of volunteers. And if by some chance you did get your friends, hang up and try again.

Wishing you luck and strength.

Oh love, you do need to get out of the situation. You need to do it for you. Not for your family, not for him but for you. That seems impossible and not even a real reason because it’s so long since you’ve put anyone else second but that can change. It just needs you to make the first, difficult step. If you don’t want to speak to women’s aid then ring the police, go to the hospital and tell them what really happened.

I would call the police and report him for assault. What you have described is totally unacceptable. Do you mind me asking how your fractured coccyx happened?