Just need some assurance I didn't do anything wrong - Content Warning concerns DV.(added by MNHQ)

[Andoutcomethewolves]

About an hour ago I went to the bathroom and when I came back my H was spreadegeled over the entire bed so there was no room for me. I shoved him a few times (not hard, just jiggling his shoulder and prodding his arm to try and wake him up) and ended up shouting at him to move to one side or the other so I could actually get into bed. For context he does this to me regularly - it's a small double and easy to take up too much space but whenever he says it to me I just move. Or I usually go and sleep on the sofa but I currently have a fractured coccyx which is really sore and have important work stuff to do tomorrow so a proper night's sleep in a comfortable bed was really important.

He eventually woke up, screamed in my face that I was a bitch and punched me, hard, on my fractured coccyx multiple times. I'm now in so much pain I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Apparently I deserved it because I shoved him and asked him to move to the other side of the bed. Meanwhile he's now happily snoring away.

I'm honestly so upset. And he's going to expect me to do the work stuff tomorrow (well, today) as I'm the breadwinner.

I want to escape this relationship right now but I don't know how.

How come no job?

You have done something wrong, you have stayed far too long in a thoroughly abusive relationship.

OP, gently, I know it's tough, but you have to get out of this situation, there is lots of good advice on this thread as to ways to do this. Take action.

You are worth far too much to be treated like this. Make the effort to get out, and reclaim your life.

When I'm triggered I harm myself. In this instance that was not the case.

OP this is clearly an ongoing issue, get help. Do it today!

OP I promise you that if you speak to your family someone will have a sofa or if nothing else an airbed on the floor you can sleep on for a while.

If your family care about you as soon as you explain the situation they will do whatever they can to get you out the situation!

Will it be perfect, no, you may not have a comfy bed, your own room etc. But they will get you out the situation you are in, make sure you are safe and then you can start to plan the future and figure out a long term living arrangement.

Please please get help from someone, be it one of the charity/organisations or family. But please get help and get out of that situation ASAP!

H has never actually hurt me before. I'm just in shock tbh

If this is real then your best chance is to get out and seek good trauma therapy. The markers are all there. When you are traumatised you go into relationships that repeat patterns of abuse because that is familiar and familiar feels safer even if it is not. Of course this ia overly simplified but I want you to get the idea not a full lecture on trauma.
Address the people pleaser, this is not an identity or a quality, it is having disregard for self and self safety and placing others needs in the centre opening yourself to being abused.
You don't do it consciously and intentionally, this is normal behaviour of someone traumatised.
What you are experiencing is massive abuse, high risk of being harmed. Please seek support and start rebuilding your life, it is possible and it is an incredible transformation.

You own a property Op that your brother lives in

Surely you can kip there?!

Get a bag of basics, Id, bank cards and go to a hotel. Never go back to that house.

And yes it is that easy if you don’t have kids, I have been there with a young child. I’m mentally damaged for the rest of my life but I am alive….if I had stayed I wouldn’t be x

You know lawyers though, presumably? Engage them.

Also you say you don't want your friends working at women's aid knowing this but you're fine if your colleagues know? Why?

You need to call Womens Aid and get out today. You know this.

Why do you care? Your tone is pretty aggressive.

If you must know it was a short term FTC and I was hospitalised with sepsis so they got someone else on.

Prior to that I was on £700 a day until mid May so don't imply I'm workshy.

It's more that I don't want a counselling session from them

So... how are you the breadwinner? If you're both unemployed?

The £10k you were planning on blowing on a holiday last week and asking for recommendations …. Where’s that money gone?

I think OP is just not working at the moment. Only yesterday in a different thread OP says she has a professional job (a lawyer I believe).

Huh? I asked why you don’t have a job

wasn’t implying anything

So call, and specify that you know X and Y and would prefer to speak to someone you don't know.

But Op, you said above that none of your friends and family like him because of the way he talks to you.

So how come now you have mutual friends and your family will side with him?

I confused

He's absolutely scum and doesn't deserve a partner.

I hope you can kick him out if you're the breadwinner? Or just leg it to your mum's or a mates? It's not safe to be in the same building as him.

Once you're away from him call the police and tell them about the assault. Take photos of the bruising if you can.

I'm so sorry this is happening but you have to leave ASAP.

He may not have hit you before OP and he may be sorry in the morning but if you stay now, it won’t be the last time, I can guarantee it.
Either move back to your mum’s spare caravan or book a hotel in another town or city and don’t go back. Contact women’s aid or a refuge if you need it.
what you don’t need is a life of abuse. You only get one life. Don’t waste it on people who don’t love and support you.

Why are you even still with him? Get out NOW!

@Andoutcomethewolves even if you can't stay with family or at your own house with your brother, you can find a hotel or Airbnb.

But please make it a priority to report him to the police and get in touch with women's aid. I know it's a big step, but I promise taking that step will make things seem so much easier.

This is not nice , l am a chap one should never never hit ones wife , if you love her you should respect her . If hubby does this a lot l would worry and do you feel safe . Or do you do this sometimes just in case you do . Get some help or move out

None of this makes sense reading through your comments