Just need some assurance I didn't do anything wrong - Content Warning concerns DV.(added by MNHQ)

[Andoutcomethewolves]

About an hour ago I went to the bathroom and when I came back my H was spreadegeled over the entire bed so there was no room for me. I shoved him a few times (not hard, just jiggling his shoulder and prodding his arm to try and wake him up) and ended up shouting at him to move to one side or the other so I could actually get into bed. For context he does this to me regularly - it's a small double and easy to take up too much space but whenever he says it to me I just move. Or I usually go and sleep on the sofa but I currently have a fractured coccyx which is really sore and have important work stuff to do tomorrow so a proper night's sleep in a comfortable bed was really important.

He eventually woke up, screamed in my face that I was a bitch and punched me, hard, on my fractured coccyx multiple times. I'm now in so much pain I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Apparently I deserved it because I shoved him and asked him to move to the other side of the bed. Meanwhile he's now happily snoring away.

I'm honestly so upset. And he's going to expect me to do the work stuff tomorrow (well, today) as I'm the breadwinner.

I want to escape this relationship right now but I don't know how.

No one deserves to be treated this way.... but I am struggling to believe this individual situation is real....

has work stuff to do... main breadwinner.... doesnt mind if colleague identifies... but doesnt have a job

Family dont like him... but will side with him....

I haven't seen other threads... but it does sound like this poster is building information for a book... fictional or fact I'm not sure.....

Screenshot that NOW! Its all evidence.

Will you report him for punching you?

Go stay in a hotel/hostel.
Let his dad try to take you for everything you're worth. I'm not saying you're worth nothing because you're worth absolutely everything (we all are) but with no home, no job and the savings you have going to your hotel/hostel situation he won't get anything. I have a feeling it's an empty threat anyway, he's obviously an abuser too 😞 they'll use any tactics they can to make you scared into staying. Also contact your local council once you're in your temporary living and get on the housing list. Block H and everyone who would be on his side. Ring Samaritans and ask not to speak to your contacts there. I understand it's scary but for your safety please please please escape. Run, block, never look back. Go to a different city if you can and start fresh.

Hi I’ve been in a very similar situation to you OP, and it took me a long time to get out. FWIW my advice would be: find a short term place to live immediately. Your mum’s caravan, a friend’s spare room, rent somewhere. Don’t wait to contact Women’s Aid and get their help, they can be fantastic but it can take a while and then it’s signposting. You have some resources, use them to get to a place of safety. Report the assault to the police and get a medical assessment, A&E if you can’t get a GP appointment quickly. Tell them honestly that he punched you. Tell a RL family member or friend, but choose one who will be on your side and supportive. Don’t bother with anyone who will take his side at the moment. Tell the police about his friend who threatened you, and if possible block her on your phone.

This is the moment you need to get out of his house and out of this relationship. Right now. Him punching you deliberately in an already injured place is awful and is NOT your fault in any way. This is it - it’s over and you need to get somewhere safe.

Another one saying police ASAP. He assaulted you in a vile way.

I don't know anything about your previous posts and I won't go looking.

@Andoutcomethewolves LEAVE TODAY. You say you have savings, they are yours. Use them. Let him get lawyers. Let his dad make threats.

Your brother is in your house, understandably you won't kick them out. Can you stay with him for a few weeks until you sort yourself out? Or until he finds somewhere else.

It all sounded like it was headed for a normal enough 'tiff' over pushing in bed when tired until the physically assaulted you and badly by the sounds of it.

If you won't leave him at least get a bigger bed, or a permanent bed in the spare room.

It doesn't matter what his dad says. Even if he attempts it it would take a long time. And I bet if you left and had no contact at all with any of them . Then they will give up or maybe get some money from you. But your safety and mental health are more important.
Or leave and use saving to set yourself up with somewhere to live far away from them.
It sounds like you do have options you just need to take the first steps

As soon as you mentioned your brother living in your house I recognised your posts. I know it’s not as easy as “just leave” but my god OP you have the money and means to leave! You can afford a week in a hotel while you get yourself sorted.

You need to tell your brother what’s going on and either stay there or give a deadline to them to move to get your house back. Either he is a decent man and a good brother in which case he’ll want to help, or he’s a deadbeat in which case he doesn’t deserve your house while you’re living with an abuser.

You have autonomy and the power to change things, if he doesn’t work and you have money/the means to earn a decent wage; then just GO.

In situations like yours other women, whether in a professional capacity or not, are often your best supporters.

Oh sweetie....the only thing you've done wrong is not leaving this monster!
What an evil piece of crap he is purposely punching the site of the fracture! I'm feeling hate on your behalf 😕
Please leave this monster 💐

You are NEVER over reacting when it comes to abuse. This is abuse. If a random man attacked you in the street would it be an over reaction to report him? Phone the police and seek domestic abuse support as soon as it is safe for you to do so. Xxx

Report this assault to the police and ask them to remove him! You’re in an abusive relationship and need him gone.

I think i commented on your other thread OP.
It is time to give your brother notice that you are taking your house back!
Your parents and other siblings might not be helping you because they are more concerned about your brother losing his house than you getting beat up and abused, but just ignore them.
Look after yourself or you could end up dead or permanently disfigured/ disabled after GBH.
Police - press charges.
Women's aid - temporary accommodation.
Solicitor - notice of termination of rental agreement.

This reads like fiction

10k holiday and can't find somewhere else to live

Op please keep posting as much as you need to in order to extricate yourself from this relationship. Ignore fhe twats saying 'oh god you're still with him' clearly they haven't been. in your position. You sound like you're finally in the right headspace to leave.

I know you said you're a people pleaser, which I think is most likely what's stopping you from asking your sibling to move out of your house. You do need to do this so you have a home of your own.

If possible post on relationships board for balanced advice from women who've been there. Aibu attracts the dregs at times

"OP doesn't want to help herself"

'Doesn't want'?? Don't you realise how insane that sounds in the same paragraph as you acknowledge her toxic upbringing?

She does want. But she can't, yet - her upbringing has effectively disabled her. What seems ridiculous to you seems like an insurmountable mountain to her. She is still in denial about her family because her mind simply cannot face the catastrophic truth yet.

@Andoutcomethewolves appreciate you don’t feel able to chuck your brother out but - I hope they are at least paying you remt. And, you are in desperate need here, the least they can do is put you up. Please stand up for yourself. Please leave your H, I hope you are renting not bought but please look after yourself! And you may feel awkward telling your friends who work at the Samaritans etc but I am sure they would have your back. So sorry OP!

You're right, that was too blunt of me. The point I was trying to make is that OP has posted multiple times on multiple threads but it ultimately isn't helping and she needs to reach out IRL to organisations that can help.

You need to go to a and e get checked and while there report the assault. They will signpost you. Go to police file report.
Go stay elsewhere do not go back

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Here are some links with resources that may be of help. Just take one step if you can, one step to reach for some help from external sources. I hope you are ok and can find a way forward in all of this.

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#get-help-and-support

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#find-additional-information-and-support

Take him a boiling hot cup of tea and 'accidentally' spill it all over his knackers whilst he is spread eagled. Then get away from that bully.

So, he's 'middle class' who drinks until he pisses himself, has no teeth and beats on you simply because you come from a poorer travelling background (but now earn enough to fund his, your brothers and your sisters lives)! Wow, what an interesting stance on his part that is.

You will handle this however you see fit given the history, no matter what any of us say, but really I think the first thing is to get yourself some counselling to understand your own self worth so that you can begin to extricate yourself from all of these situations.

You can be kind and generous OP, but it is not your job to carry the world on your shoulders at the detriment of yourself and, deep down, on some level, you know this.

Equally, everyone commenting on this thread, as well meaning as they are, means nothing until you are ready to face the fire. That's the bottom line.

I am also confused. You say that your family all hate him and have blocked him, but then you also say they would all support him in this situation, even though it appears you fund their lifestyles? Why?

If your friends work for Women's Aid then contact them and ask for immediate help. Obviously you don't want them to counsel you but they can help you.

If you are a lawyer then surely you know that “his” flat where you have lived for a decade and presumably paid bills for and hasn’t been ring fenced, is marital property.

It also doesn’t matter what money his father throws at their own solicitor’s if there is a contract that has been properly drawn up and signed correctly then FIL is wasting his time and money

If you don’t know divorce law then either do a bit of reading or get a good divorce lawyer to take you through everything.

I would say that although your house is protected you need to be prepared to put everything else on the table to be split and equally you need to have evidence of things like his pension pot, property, furniture, cars, Jewellery, savings and investments etc to make sure he is declaring everything

I would register this assault with the police and be going to hospital to make sure you haven’t got anymore damage.