I kissed my friend 11 years ago and DP has reacted badly to it

[Thegrants]

To get straight to the point… DP and I were having a conversation last night and he asked me if my parents ever thought I would be a lesbian. I said no but some of my friends did because when I was 17 I kissed one of my other friends in the group at a party.

He completely changed. He went silent, went downstairs, and when he came back up he turned the light off without saying a word, got into bed and turned his back to me. I tried asking what was wrong but he wouldn’t speak to me. I left for work today and he has ignored me all day. I got home at 4 and he was working from home and we spoke about it. He is saying he doesn’t want to be with someone who is bisexual because it’s “hard enough having to worry about and compete with other men, never mind women as well” I told him I am not bisexual! I am straight, I was 17 and at a party and that’s literally it…?!? I don’t understand what the problem is. He asked me the question and I answered. He is really angry asking me if I enjoyed it and he can’t look at me the same. I said I haven’t done anything wrong, I won’t be punished for something that I did before we met that I can’t possibly change. I asked him what exactly he wants me to do about it and he said he doesn’t know but he can’t look at me. He said that because I answered his question with a smile on my face that means I enjoyed it and think fondly of the memory.

this is an over exaggeration right?! He is being insane?

I'm sorry you experienced this OP. He sounds quite nasty in the way he weaponises his feeling and uses the silent treatment to manipulate you.

he is attention seeking and trying to make you jump through hoops any time
you disagree. I promise you can do much better than this loser.

Just brilliant 🤣

He sounds like a manchild who needs to grow the fuck up!! I wouldn’t put up with his shitty silent treatment.

By your definition of rape by deception, everyone having sex with anyone else would have to fill in in advance an extremely detailed questionnaire about their dating history, sexual history, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, suppressed desires, barely recognized fleeting ideas, dubious pornos watched that might indicate different sexual possibilities than their usual and any drunken ill advised acts going back as far as they could remember and possibly further, or they'd be wide open to prosecution.

so he‘s repeatedly given you the silent treatment? Wow!

I have done quite a bite „more“ with my bestfriend when we were young adults. And I am bisexual (although I am in a committed, longterm relationship with a man and have primarily dated men).

I have never ever experienced this reaction. Most men I’ve told about that part of my sexlife tend to find that „hot“ (which can be toxic as well). But your partner really must spectacularly insecure!!!

OP, this is bonkers and the reaction really odd.

l’m bisexual, but l rarely tell men because they tend to get excited about it and on occasion ask for a floor show.

walk away
youre young enough to start again woth a normal bloke. Silent treatment episodes get longer and more frequent and before you know it you've spent your whole life with a dick.

He's being ridiculous. Why did he ask the question in the first place? Is he feeling insecure?

He’s an idiot.
Ignore his childish behaviour.
Think about if this is a relationship you want to be in if his repeated poor behaviour makes you unhappy.

He’s expecting you to go round there begging forgiveness so I would do the opposite. Make some plans with friends for the next few nights (and maybe the rest of your life.). Don’t contact him and don’t apologise.

Ha, I'd have thought the vast majority of straight men would find this rather hot!

Regardless of what caused it (and I do think this tells you he's got a fragile ego), do you want to be with someone who behaves like this? In the longterm?
Have you told him the impact? Would he be willing to get help? If not...

What a ridiculous baby.
I'd be hard pushed to find one of my female friends who hasn't snogged a mate for a laugh when they were young. It does not make us bi.

Exactly! This is why l rarely reveal my bi side to a man.

Imagine what it'll be like if you've bought that house and have to actually live alongside his jealousy and moods with no way to get away from him, no place of your own to retreat to. Just his bullshit, in your face, whenever he feels like it.

Phew, you don't live together - makes it much easier to part ways from this pathetic excuse of a man.

He sounds like a dick

Make if clear the way he's behaving is not acceptable

By "opposite reaction" I'm guessing this is a straight guy who fetishises bi women and makes it all about the male gaze. Which gives me much the same ick as blatant biphobia. Men do tend to fall into one of those two camps.

In terms of OP's partner though, getting this worked up about a teenage snog at a party is quite the red flag.

Do not hitch your life to a Sulk, and someone who Stonewalls you. It is one form of abuse, and all the others will raise their ugly head as time goes by.

He obviously cannot really communicate beyond anger.

This man is a very very bad bet as a husband or god forbid the father of your children.
Please try not to drive your life down the dead end by continuing a relationship with him.

This is spot on. There are many men (and women) who use this tactic to control you.

OP, do the opposite. Ignore him, do something fun and get on with your life.

I would also be having a deep think about whether I want to deal with this person in my life. That kiss will become a 'thing' to beat you with in future arguments, as will anything else he suddenly takes issue with. Life is too short to deal with this.

Forget everything else, this is the issue. I believe he’s jealous, does he think you should have ’kept yourself pure’ while waiting for him to ride into your life?! The sulking and refusing to speak is appalling, demonstrates his total lack of emotional maturity. Run while you can, certainly don’t introduce children into this horrible dynamic. Lucky escape, frankly.

Is he a very repressed person? Or hugely religious? Either way I'm not sure he's long term partner material. If he's not either of those things he's incredibly immature or stupid. Also not great.

“hard enough having to worry about and compete with other men”

That’s the bit I’d be most concerned about. Why does he feel he has to worry about and compete with other men for you - does he not trust you?

Obviously his whole reaction is deeply worrying, too. Do you really want to be with someone like this?

I find @Nosuchthing2025 s comments deeply homophobic.

A female who conceals a bisexual side from a man is not putting that man at risk. Under British law two bio women cannot commit adultery. It's a sapphic act.
My BFF is bisexual and I was in court when her husband tried to divorce her for sleeping with a lesbian partner.

OP the boyfriend is toxic. I was a 'bit of a girl' before I married and my husband has never brought that up. Your history, your business.
Ditch him and look for someone who loves you just the way you are.

My first husband gave me the silent treatment on about our third date, when I told him I used to go out with a guy that it turned out he knew and disliked.

He told me later he’d gone home and punched the wardrobe out of anger, but magnanimously decided to get over it.

I was a 17 year old little idiot, didn’t chuck him, married him and spent 20 years with a controlling, jealous arsehole.

Bin this tosser.