I kissed my friend 11 years ago and DP has reacted badly to it

[Thegrants]

To get straight to the point… DP and I were having a conversation last night and he asked me if my parents ever thought I would be a lesbian. I said no but some of my friends did because when I was 17 I kissed one of my other friends in the group at a party.

He completely changed. He went silent, went downstairs, and when he came back up he turned the light off without saying a word, got into bed and turned his back to me. I tried asking what was wrong but he wouldn’t speak to me. I left for work today and he has ignored me all day. I got home at 4 and he was working from home and we spoke about it. He is saying he doesn’t want to be with someone who is bisexual because it’s “hard enough having to worry about and compete with other men, never mind women as well” I told him I am not bisexual! I am straight, I was 17 and at a party and that’s literally it…?!? I don’t understand what the problem is. He asked me the question and I answered. He is really angry asking me if I enjoyed it and he can’t look at me the same. I said I haven’t done anything wrong, I won’t be punished for something that I did before we met that I can’t possibly change. I asked him what exactly he wants me to do about it and he said he doesn’t know but he can’t look at me. He said that because I answered his question with a smile on my face that means I enjoyed it and think fondly of the memory.

this is an over exaggeration right?! He is being insane?

This is the clarion call for you to dump this controlling, homophobic moron.

Ahh what a drama queen.

stat blasting Kathy Perry I kissed a girl song. That will lighten the mood… for you anyway

Has he never been on a night out?!? I'm gay, but at that age at uni, I swear all my straight girlfriends made out at some point!!!

Also he's a biphobic bell end for assuming bi people are more promiscuous.

What a ridiculous man child.

Giving someone the ‘silent treatment’ comes under coercive control.
OP you seriously need to reflect upon the treatment your husband is demonstrating… You kissed a girl when you were a teenager FFS!

@AlliBallyBoo Walloper, I'm crying thank you, never heard this term, is it from a certain region. OP you need to ask him if he kissed anybody and go from there, good luck getting past this x

Yes I agree. I've drip fed my experience and recognition of this horrible behaviour as posts progress.

I'd suggest he was looking for an excuse to start an argument. Nobody with a modicum of sense considers what our partners did as teenagers before we met as important.

Yeah he totally fished for something to take offence to here and now comes the outrage so you can smooth things over again.

Yeah, he needs help

He'll be finding ways to punish you for the rest of your life if you commit to staying with this one. Silent treatment is horrendous behaviour, made even worse when its due to a pointless 'misdemeanor'.

Every single argument going forward he would throw this in your face and you would always be on the back foot trying to explain, compensate, make up for something that was none of his business.

Know that he is thrilled with this admission.
You have given him a great stick to beat you with.

Years ago a friend of mine was mad about a guy and was seeing him for 12 months, she was in her early 30's.

They went to Paris for a weekend and while there she mentioned being there with me (inter railing 13 years earlier)and us having a mad night on the cocktails with two guys we met. We kissed them, but it was very innocent, not that that mattered.

He got very very upset, was disgusted that she hadn't told him this when they were planning a weekend away, walked off because she had already "done Paris romantically".

Fortunately they were going home the following day.
She went home directly from the airport, texted him she done, asked him to pack up the few things she had at his house as she would collect them the following day.

She went to his with her brother and he was all about trying to talk to her as it was a misunderstanding, which she completely refused.
She never responded to further efforts from him.
Her friends all agreed he was an arsehole.

NOW we know this was a huge red flag for future abusive tendencies.

I thought he was about 21 going by his immature reaction but 34??? And incapable of having a sensible conversation over issues but goes for the silent treatment instead? Nope. That kiss 11 yrs ago may just have saved you from ruining your life by staying with this ridiculous manbaby.

Don't forget the part where, if someone has ever had same-sex sexual contact, even if it was casual and fleeting and they didn't particularly enjoy it and have since concluded that they are straight, that entitles other people, including MNers, to tell them what their sexuality is and that they're wrong about being straight. Weirdly, it's only same-sex encounters that mark you for life like that. Virtually all gay women have had sexual contact with a man, to the extent that there's a term for the rare lesbian who has not, but mysteriously nobody tries to tell them they're actually bi because they kissed a man once.

The mn hypocrisy is strong in this one.

He's a whiny little homophobe and he shouldn't ask a question like that if he is going to strop off when he doesn't like the answer. He's behaving like a touchy hormonal teenager at the age of 34.

I would be questioning his sexuality given how freaked this seems to have made him.

Tell us more about the rest of your relationship.
I strongly suspect this is not the only red flag. He has previously given you the silent treatment. What else is there?
Remember what everyone always says - it gets worse after marriage, even worse after kids. Let alone if you do things the other way round. Think very carefully before you trap yourself and feel you can't leave because of sunk costs. At only 2 years in, you should still be loving every minute of this relationship, if it is meant to be. If there are gaping cracks already, they will soon become a crevice. Is that what you want?

Bullet dodged! Be grateful you got this wake up call now when it's much easier to walk away. Reading your updates especially the one when you were at Uni and got the train home, this isn't new behaviour its a pattern and you need to be the one to break it by walking away. Yes MN is quick to scream LTB after the most minor disagreement between a couple but based on what I've read this is screaming red flags

Your last para there is the real problem.

A lot of teens have had a same sex dalliance,it doesn't define someone for the rest of their life.
He may have had his own wee experimentation.

I bet that is the part that is freaking him out, just how much he enjoyed it. 😆

Weird, homophobic fucker. Also sounds like he doesn't trust you generally if he thinks he's in constant competition with other men? Or he's just been looking for something he can hold over your head as a power move. Whatever it is he sounds toxic and pitiful.

Of course it would 😂 😂

Throw this one back and never discuss your past again. Men don't like it in the main

How would you feel if he told you he had kissed one of his male friends?

I will put a bet down that she would not ignore him endlessly and tell him she couldn't look at him over this declaration.