Sitting in a Premier Inn

[sittinginapremierinn]

Was I unreasonable to just walk out - only for the night probably

Married 25 years to a sulker. As they all say, 95% on the time decent bloke, does his share, helped with the kids and dogs. But and it’s a big but every now and then he finds a reason to sulk. He pulls his faces, silent treatment, he’s ‘fine’, creates an atmosphere. I usually try to ignore, try to engage, wait it out etc. When he comes out of it he apologises and says he doesn’t know why he does it.

He’s been sulking all weekend for some misdemeanour I’ve committed, I don’t know what. I’ve lost it, booked a premier inn and walked out. He can sort out the sulk himself. Told the kids (18 and 23) I’m fine I just need a break. Packed a bag will go to work from here tomorrow.

I deserve better than that.

He doesn’t know how to get out of the sulk spiral so if it happens again I’m off to a hotel and just avoiding it.

open up an account with this PI in this case Op, because you’ll be heading there. A lot.

Your poor kids, what kind of a benchmark for a marriage do they now they

hard. I’m going to have a ‘go bag’ sorted which would be useful for weekends away. I’m looking at hotels in the area so I know what

WTF? This has to be one of the depressing marriage set ups I have read in a long time

The shock of me going has speeded the process from sulk to him realising there is a problem.

What a surprise! So he absolutely can control his sulk if it starts to negatively impact him? When you stopped being the audience to his stupid pantomime, you spoilt his fun.

But now he knows that all it means is that they each get a night to themselves and then the OP is back in time for brekkie!

I'd be charging hotel stays to him as it's his sulking driving you out of the house, literally.

As I said he has committed to change, has bought some self help books - no matter how funny some posters think that is. We have discussed counselling and if that will help. We have identified and discussed that as a man he has trouble identifying his feelings and he needs to work on it. He is making a list of triggers this evening so he can identify when the sulk spiral is starting.
He has admitted all this and promised to work to change.
I think it’s important that when people commit to change, and start acting on that (and he has) that we give them a chance. When we say relationships are hard work this is what that means. Having plans and strategies in place to work through problems however imperfectly.
like most relationships mine is cobbled together with shared histories, mistakes, imperfections and love, if my kids see us making mistakes, forgiving each other and trying to improve I’ll be ok with that.

Good for you. You've realised the person he is and you don't want to put up with it anymore. Break free and live your life.

You've not shed a tear and had a nice evening says it all. I remember this very well when I left..it was so enlightening and liberating.

I've not read the posts where people have belittled your husband's willingness to purchase books to help guide him, as I've only read your replies. But sorry, there are some sad people out there who are so happy to suggest you throw in the towel before pushing him to try.

If he's willing to do the work... Read books, seek counselling, work with you to solve this, that's a great start. Keep your go bag and cash aside for any future instances, nothing will change overnight.

But you sound willing to work on this, and he sounds the same. And that's a great start, then you see how you go. Best of luck!

The thing is , you’re calling it sulking and he doesn’t know why he does it. The fact is silent treatment is abuse , he does it for power whether he realisesil it or not (he does ).
Does he do it at work ? If no , he can stop it , he chooses not to.

Someone with this level of propensity to sulk is unlikely to ever change, especially as he’s been putting his family through these obscene sulks for years.

And now he knows you came back, so the next time you do (depressing to have a bag ready to go Op), it will have no impact.

The list he’s making of triggers… I bet his blood pressure goes through the roof

Afraid I agree with this.

Trust me, if someone held a gun to his head, the moment he started sulking, and ordered him to stop he could. And would.

So he is absolutely choosing to behave this way. Because he can. And because he enjoys indulging himself.

These self help books and listing his triggers down are just props and window dressing, a token gesture, if you will.

He can't change. And you can't spend your life with someone who gets a kick out of punishing you.

Op has drawn a line in the sand. She has chosen to give DH the opportunity to change. I wish her well and hope she gets a good outcome.

Has he cracked open those books he bought OP?

This is not someone who is going to change OP, and if he does… then begs the question - why the HELL did he subject his family to this kind of hostile torment for years

Have you been back op? Do the staff know you be name now? @sittinginapremierinn !

Are you the OP? 😕

@Tiredandtiredagain you do realise that this is not your thread don’t you?

Have I just gone into a parallel universe? What are you on about?

Have you found yourself back at the premier inn since your thread OP @sittinginapremierinn ?

Honestly, good for you!

My mum was a grade A sulker during my childhood. It was horrible.

The idea of having a "go bag" ready is a good one, and something I honestly think everyone should have. I packed one when my dad had a nervous breakdown, because I had a feeling I'd need to be able to get to him quickly. I had everything in it enough for 2 nights. Right down to shoes, toothbrush/toothpaste, and 2 full outfits. That bag was a saviour more than once.

My mum went to a hotel - a very high end hotel not a chain hotel - back in December 1994 because she’d forced me to go to uni and I hated it and obviously unhappy and I came back for the hols and was in a bad mood and very passive aggressive. She’d had enough and booked a hotel.

I'm going to guess Saraha was a pain the arse and mum had enough, judging by her own words.
Edit: and has now grown up and realised that she was difficult and moody, so no longer is.