Sitting in a Premier Inn

[sittinginapremierinn]

Was I unreasonable to just walk out - only for the night probably

Married 25 years to a sulker. As they all say, 95% on the time decent bloke, does his share, helped with the kids and dogs. But and it’s a big but every now and then he finds a reason to sulk. He pulls his faces, silent treatment, he’s ‘fine’, creates an atmosphere. I usually try to ignore, try to engage, wait it out etc. When he comes out of it he apologises and says he doesn’t know why he does it.

He’s been sulking all weekend for some misdemeanour I’ve committed, I don’t know what. I’ve lost it, booked a premier inn and walked out. He can sort out the sulk himself. Told the kids (18 and 23) I’m fine I just need a break. Packed a bag will go to work from here tomorrow.

I deserve better than that.

Well done, proud of you. Enjoy your evening.
His redeeming quality is that he apologises. That's massive because the worst part of sulking is the way they make you think they are in the right.

I also booked into a Premier Inn not that long ago after an upsetting row one evening (different circumstances, not a sulking issue). Initially I was just going for a drive to think things through and headed for the coast (about 45 mins away) then I thought actually I'd quite like some peaceful time just for me. Stopped off at Tesco for toothbrush and a T-shirt to sleep in, nibbles, fruit and a couple of those little cans of cocktails and after some easy-going TV, had a great nights' sleep in a big bed with nobody snoring! Returned in the morning to a partner who'd had plenty of time to think about his actions, realise that I wasn't all to blame and apologised. Obviously this course of action wouldn't work / isn't possible for everyone. .

Have you? How? I thought it was brilliant!

If my DH sulked like this I think I'd genuinely love him a little bit less each time. It's a form of emotional abuse.

It’s a form of control, manipulation and bulling !

I replied to someone and put that in the wrong place, original post in right place.
Sorry to confuse. x

Lived with boyfriend like this, wasted a few years of my life with him.
A sulker is a nightmare, it’s psychological torture.
Enjoy your dinner and hotel stay 🌸

Absolutely this. He isn't great ffs! He made you leave cos life with him is shit! Raise the bar ! Leave him please otherwise you've another 30 years of this misery
I had an awful sulking exh. I now have amazing life guesswhat no man bringing me down!

Well done op, I’d use this as the template for any other sulks. Have a bag ready and book yourself into a hotel for two nights.

Go to work tomorrow and if he’s still in a sulk when you get home, book another night.

Once he’s out of his sulk, don’t cry, ignore him if he cries and tell him you’re sick of it, and not interested in his empty apologies and if he does it again you’ll do the same and book a hotel.

Hopefully he’ll realise his attempts at control don’t work and stop it. Chances are he’ll up his game and change tact. I presume he’s sulking about something you did, he’ll tell you and you won’t do it again. Just control I’m afraid

I’m not agreeing with everyone else, if he reacts like his leave him, don’t put up with it. Don’t leave your children in that situation and atmosphere,

my friends dh used to go and stay in hotels after agreements, he would go “so she could think about what she’s done and then apologise” I found it very manipulative and abusive. He always had to be in control of everything.

this happened regularly, as he wanted to teach her a lesson and make her change.

6 months??? thats really sad! but I had a good laugh at the description of the bedroom which started the long sulk! that preceded the long goodbye written by raymond chandler! 😂

The silent treatment is just another form of abuse which eventually kills love and respect in a relationship. There’s no point in him apologising when he knows he’ll do it again. Him saying he’s sorry and doesn’t know why he does it isn’t good enough, they are empty words. There is a reason, whether it’s a form of control, learned behaviour, hidden anger etc etc.
My DH used to do this, my stomach would churn and I’d try to stop it happening by planning my sentences so as not to upset or annoy him.
One day I packed everything I owned into bags and suitcases and disappeared, he literally came home from work to find me gone and the drawers and wardrobes empty of my things. I blocked him on my phone and he had no clue where I was.

After a couple of days he contacted my parents in distress, they contacted me and I went back after a couple of weeks to hear what he had to say.
After a heart to heart he told me this had been the behaviour of his mother with him and his father, except she could go weeks without speaking (she did it with me once and it was the first and last time, I never spoke to her again).
Clearly the silent treatment was a learned process from childhood, and as soon as it hit him and he realised he was doing to me what his mother did to him it stopped.
It was a great many years ago, but if I ever feel an inkling of that behaviour from him now I immediately ask, ‘Am I getting the silent treatment’? It’s enough to snap him out of it and tell me what the problem is rather than shutting down.
If like me you love your husband, and generally your relationship is good, it’s worth saving, but he needs to open up to you or seek help from a counsellor. One thing is certain, you shouldn’t tolerate the abuse for a moment longer.
I genuinely wish you luck.

Good for you. Enjoy your night and have a good breakfast in the morning. Love a premier Inn breakfast.

… and use his debit card to pay for it! 😜

Send him the bill too

Good. Have a gin and tonic, watch a movie, have a nice bath. Enjoy the breakfast. And sneak a bacon butty for your lunch break! 🤣

I'm imagining an apology text at some point tonight or in the morning.

But don't go back and don't talk to him tonight.

I'm sure your adult kids must think him insufferable. Presumably he sulks for them too, or only you?

Sounds like you've made the best of it for the night.

I'd refuse to accept this behaviour completely. You shouldn't have to live with it, however infrequent it is, it is a regular pattern and it is emotional abuse.

Just wanted to say good for you. The tide has changed, don’t turn back from this.

My ex used to do this to me when the kids were little and it was fucking dreadful, I used to end up crying my eyes out because I had absolutely no idea what I’d done wrong. He could go a whole week or more without speaking to me. My chest hurts looking back on it. Eventually he ran off with someone else and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me (although I couldn’t see that at the time).

You could always shame DH by getting him to watch the episode of Worzel Gummidge, 'Worzel Pays A Visit' where Worzel has 'a sulk' when aunt Sally offers him raw boiled eggs. It's hilariously childish. Good luck. Sulkers drain the life out of yeh.

Well done op xxx

Good for you. You are not unreasonable in the least.
I would do this everytime. My exh was similar and after a bit I realised I was wasting my breath trying to reason with him( which I think was what he wanted) I stayed calm, ignored him, grabbed the kids and caught the bus somewhere( I don't drive)
It's emotional abuse and he won't change
I divorced mine

I hope he's having a good think about his awful behaviour. Good on you for finally showing him shit behaviour has consequences and that you refuse to bend to his sulks any longer!

Oh, I like this idea! 👏That will give him something to think about beyond just a "one day without my partner" scenario.

@sittinginapremierinn Congratulations on standing up for yourself! You are an inspiration to DWs everywhere. 👑💪
Enjoy your night and just think, you don't have to make the bed in the morning or do any other chores either!
My DH doesn't sulk, but your night away sounds like so much fun that I'm now mad at him for not ever sulking! 😉

Why would you go back tomorrow? Take two nights, let him sit in it uncomfortably tomorrow night when he’s come down rather than he gets his wife back as soon as he’s snapped out of it. Take 3 the next time. You’ve more than earned it.