Sitting in a Premier Inn

[sittinginapremierinn]

Was I unreasonable to just walk out - only for the night probably

Married 25 years to a sulker. As they all say, 95% on the time decent bloke, does his share, helped with the kids and dogs. But and it’s a big but every now and then he finds a reason to sulk. He pulls his faces, silent treatment, he’s ‘fine’, creates an atmosphere. I usually try to ignore, try to engage, wait it out etc. When he comes out of it he apologises and says he doesn’t know why he does it.

He’s been sulking all weekend for some misdemeanour I’ve committed, I don’t know what. I’ve lost it, booked a premier inn and walked out. He can sort out the sulk himself. Told the kids (18 and 23) I’m fine I just need a break. Packed a bag will go to work from here tomorrow.

I deserve better than that.

Oh I hope you’re enjoying a blissful sleep OP!

If he can't tell you what is wrong like an adult, it either means its not you or its not unreasonable. Next time you stay put and tell him you have raised 2 kids and do not want to spend any more time around childish behaviour.

Well... I literally paid for my husband to fuck off and spend two nights at the Premier Inn just down the road last week because he was doing my head in with his whinging and grumpiness. So no. Sometimes space is needed - I loved sitting in our flat watching what I wanted to watch and he loved being in a hotel room and getting breakfast etc etc. We're all good now and he's apologised but OMFG I needed that time apart.

I hope you're having a relaxing night and it gives him time to reflect on his behaviour. I'd agree with PPs, if you can, extend to two days! Have a proper break.

She doesn't have babies. She has adults

It's a complety different situation

He acts like the stereotype of a flouncy 13 year old girl

@sittinginapremierinn This is exactly my DH when he gets into a grump about something. It's just tiring, and we live in a small flat so there's no escaping the atmosphere. As well as booking him the Premier Inn last week I've also stayed in a Holiday Inn for six days last year (and Thailand for a month the year before when he REALLY pissed me off 🤣). Every time he's been completely remorseful when we reunite (luckily we - well, I, technically - have the funds that if he does it again I'm just going on an actual holiday and leaving him to his sulk!)

Does your H have good points? This is the only thing keeping me here - my H makes me laugh like nobody else and we get on amazingly until he sulks 😬

Go girl. Order room service, get a movie and enjoy. I am the sort of person who needs to do this alone for my sanity regardless of the company I’m keeping. Just enjoy it, some people go on fishing or football weekends - have fun.

I totally relate to a sulker, it’s completely draining and you aren’t imagining or exatturating the hurt just because it’s not aggressive or violent. It dictates your entire mood and way of life when someone is acting like that. He’s punishing you and mentally tormenting you. Go forth and order room service or uber eats and enjoy !!!

My DH used to sulk. I would get the silent treatment, sometimes for 3 days at a time.
I refused to humour it and treated him exactly the same as my two young children, even speaking to him in the same tone of voice. One evening, whilst sulking, he came home from work to chicken dippers, sweetcorn (which he hates) and mash. He broke his silence to ask where his proper food was....I told him that if he behaved worse than the children, he would be treated like a toddler.

I'm not sure what really happened but it has now been 4 years with no sulking episodes. Obviously he still gets cross, just doesn't give me the silent treatment.
Don't get upset, just completely ignore or grey rock him till he gets bored. It is the reaction he is looking for.

So you check out of your hotel room
go home
and carry on living like this

and this is what your kids have had to be around for years

seriously

There's just zero chance I would put up with being treated that way - it's disgusting.

Does he sulk with his friends? At work? Of course not. He can control it, he chooses not to, and he does not respect you.

What a pathetic child of a man.

Sulking is manipulative and controlling. You’ve taken the control away from him, so it will be interesting to see how he behaves when you get back.

Well done for showing him you won't put up with it. I hope it works.

The op hasn’t shown him anything

he probably enjoyed having house to himself, kick back, takeaway, bed to himself.
no doubt op will return to a messy kitchen with takeaway stuff all over the counters

So his huffy sulking has resulted in you huffy flouncing? I’d say you are both behaving like stroppy primary school children. When he goes low you go lower? If you can’t behave in a kind and civilised manner with each other then then perhaps you need to rethink how you are together?
Talk about when this has calmed down and work out what’s going on beauts very rarely just a him, or just a you, problem.

Why do you care? Just ignore him too.

Mine did that.
Luckily I work with kids so well practiced at addressing the behaviour rather than the person. I might have used slightly different language however 🙂
No way would I be crying. Make sure you tell him what a lovely evening you had too. And tell him he's absolutely free to sulk now you have the solution that works for both of you.

Thanks for the update OP. ‘He sulks until I crack’. There is a solution here. What steps/ strategies could you put in place to NOT crack? Yes going to a hotel for a night is one but to break the cycle I think you have to outlast him. At home. Your children are grown up so whilst not ideal you can explain and reason with them whilst this is going on. It’s hard but you are going to have to find ways to outlast him if you want to change this. However long it takes. Preferably with his life being made as difficult during that period as possible.

Hopefully this has given you the headspace to start planning a way out. These behaviours also tend to get worse with age.

Well done OP. Hope you had a gorgeous relaxing evening.

What a stupid man.

Your kids are grown now. Why are you staying with this man?

My friend didn’t have children either, if they argued he would sulk and storm off to a hotel . Communication is so important in relationships. Not sulking and storming off.

if communication doesn’t work then you are with the wrong person.

thankfully he has permanently stomped off in a huff and she is now single.

Yes maybe try this Op? When you get home from work just be breezy as if nothing happened. I guess it's like ignoring a toddler tantrum - they learn it doesn't get them anywhere.

Sulking is the worst. It’s so immature, self-indulgent and manipulative. It prevents other people from resolving conflict maturely. Instead, they have to show empathy for the sulker (when they get none in return), ignore it (but deal with a stressful negative atmos) or remove themselves.

It’s done by people who won’t/can’t maturely talk through how they’re feeling. Instead, they give in to their own anger, resentment and victimhood. It’s why some teenagers do it. It can also be learned behaviour - usually from parents, who teach us through their own behaviour how adults behave.

People who do it tend to end up alone, as no self-respecting partner or flatmate will put up with it. It kills relationships. But you shouldn’t be driven out of your home by it. That’s terrible. Though I can see why you’ve removed yourself.

An apology means making a commitment not to repeat the behaviour. Saying sorry, then repeating emotional abuse again and again, is a disrespectful and worthless apology. Better to say ‘I understand why it upset you, it won’t happen again, this is how I’ll avoid it in future’. And to follow through.

It’s best to permanently remove yourself from a pattern of abuse from a cohabitee. It’s v damaging to your spirit. I guess the balls in his court. Depends how much he loves you and wants to solve it.

What a blissful sounding marriage.

Love a premier inn. Hope you enjoyed your night and he learns his lessons.