Sitting in a Premier Inn

[sittinginapremierinn]

Was I unreasonable to just walk out - only for the night probably

Married 25 years to a sulker. As they all say, 95% on the time decent bloke, does his share, helped with the kids and dogs. But and it’s a big but every now and then he finds a reason to sulk. He pulls his faces, silent treatment, he’s ‘fine’, creates an atmosphere. I usually try to ignore, try to engage, wait it out etc. When he comes out of it he apologises and says he doesn’t know why he does it.

He’s been sulking all weekend for some misdemeanour I’ve committed, I don’t know what. I’ve lost it, booked a premier inn and walked out. He can sort out the sulk himself. Told the kids (18 and 23) I’m fine I just need a break. Packed a bag will go to work from here tomorrow.

I deserve better than that.

I did the same a couple of years ago, it was a rocky road back but our marraige is better he used to be a huffy arsehole! Take the night to enjoy your takeaway and space to think.

Good for you. I hope his pouty lip trips him up.
I grew up in a house with sulking parents, they'd have a row about something trivial and not speak for a week. DH has a tendency to sulk (as does his dad and sister) but when I noticed it before we were married, I told him I wouldn't put up with a big baby sulking. It seemed to get through!

He sulks until I crack, I start crying, I lose my temper, I attempt to reason with him. It’s power, he wants me to need him. Then he apologises and (sometimes) starts crying, there’s drama and all we talk about is him and how he wants to change.
I can not be arsed with it, that’s why I left. I know the pattern, it’s tedious and exhausting. I’m sitting here quite happy. I passed a Sainsbury’s and bought myself some expensive bath/body stuff, I’ll have a bath and relax.

He does apologise, he does recognise - afterwards - what he does. I can not be arsed going through the drama to get to the point where he sees the light. He acts like the stereotype of a flouncy 13 year old girl. He’s nearly fucking 50.
I’m hoping by the time I get back tomorrow evening he’s at the realising stage and I’ve not had to go through the drama. I haven’t got tears to waste on his delayed adolescence.

@sittinginapremierinn I’m hoping by the time I get back tomorrow evening he’s at the realising stage and I’ve not had to go through the drama. I haven’t got tears to waste on his delayed adolescence. I would stay another night, just to make sure and perhaps get him worried a bit about how his stupidity is affecting you! I dont suppose he even remembers why he is sulking!!

Have you ever been able to just shrug it off and ignore him? I mean, I think you're probably at point of divorce when you need to move into another bedroom (or the Premier Inn) just to ignore his tedious, draining drama. It sounds soul destroying.

But he keeps doing it because it gets results. You get upset, he gets to waffle on about his feelings while ignoring yours.

Recharge for a bit, then tell him his next sulk is his last under your roof. He finds a therapist to sort it out with or you find a solicitor.

Anyway, enjoy your lovely bath and some yummy food and some peace. Watch something stupid on tv. Relax. I hope he comes to his senses while you regain your equilibrium.

What’s your children’s view on all of this? It must have impacted their childhood.

He is absolutely not recognising what he does, because he keeps doing it. You have done exactly the right thing. Break the cycle, let the petulant shit sulk by himself.
But when you go back? He goes to therapy to enable him to manage his totally unacceptable behaviour. Or you are out because it is his problem, not yours.

Good for you @sittinginapremierinn I hope you have a lovely relaxing evening spoiling yourself. If he attempts to contact you ignore him, have tonight fully gor yourself and deal with the immature twat tomorrow

@StripeyanddottyIt’s interesting you mention the kids. One of his methods of control was the fact I didn’t want his sulks to impact on them. When he sulked I worked harder to try to make sure they didn’t know what was going on. However, they did see me getting upset sometimes and I think they probably thought it was me that was the issue. They might think that now as I’m the one who is in the hotel. I’m not going to drag the kids into this though and try to justify myself.
Genuinely, most of the time he is great - no I don’t believe it when I read that from other posters either. To be honest if this works for me I might just keep a bag packed and expect to spend 3 nights a year in a premier inn while he sorts himself out. I feel fine, if I was at home, he’d be sulking, I’d be tense and I’d end up in tears. As it is happy days.

Good on you, taking control and having some time to yourself. Enjoy your takeout and bottle of wine. X

It’s a form of abuse and control. Awful behaviour and I wouldn’t tolerate it either.

@sittinginapremierinn well done. You deserve so much better than this. Do you think this might be a permanent move?? Sending hugs 🫂

Good for u stay the bloody week and enjoy the break . I wish u well 🫶

My neighbour did this
her husband is still a miserable old Pratt

Can I ask why you care so much? I mean, it’s obviously irritating, but why would you be cracking and crying? Why not just…let him sulk and get on with your day? Particularly if it only rarely happens. Let him fill his sulky boots.

I dont blame you OP, awful way to live if you are treading on eggshells. Take tonight to think. Wishing you all the very best.

I endured years of that behaviour in my previous marriage, I was a shell at the end of it.
Life's too short to be unhappy OP💐

Good for you - total respect!

If you do it three nights a year, he's going to find something else though isn't he? Would he see a therapist?

Poor kids, albeit adult, being left with him! Did you offer for them to join you?

what a shit life OP. For you. And for your kids.

Maybe this is what you need to do whenever he sulks - book a Premier Inn (finances depending).

But then .Genuinely, most of the time he is great

you have to be joking Op???!

Why accept this as normal as it really isn’t?! Why should you have to go and stay in a premier inn everytime? It shouldn’t even happen at all!

Sulking until you cave is manipulative behaviour. Absolutely grey rock and take yourselves away for a night, but just make sure you recognise it for what it is.

God he sounds like a complete arsehole

IIWY I’d be staying in the hotel until he begged for forgiveness. What he’s doing is abusive