AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

Do you work, OP?

You clearly didn’t like her before they bought a house OP - why? What has she done to make her unworthy of marrying your son?

Because this isn’t about the house, or the FB post, not really.

She has a gulp POOR CREDIT RATING!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😱

@Swedishmeatballsontoast

So she didn't have to move away from everyone and everything she knew to pay rent in an apartment with him. She could have stayed at her parents and let him do it "singlehandedly".

@ThisFastEagle

Accept her. She and your son see this as a team effort. Your son has told you she has and is contributing. Take his word for it, view them as a team, financially. She isn't taking over his life, he is still an individual but in this respect he sees it as a team effort.

It doesn't MATTER! Where and what she was before, why she's not on the mortgage, why her credit rating is bad. Clearly your son doesn't care about that and it's none of your business! Let it go and move on before you do any further damage.

@ThisFastEagle She was living with her parents

I've never heard anyone getting a bad credit rating when they lived at home !

Maybe she moved to escape her debtors.?

If you want to put your mind at rest OP you can check if she's bankrupt by looking at the insolvency register

www.gov.uk/government/publications/find-insolvent-people-and-companies/search-for-people-or-companies-in-insolvency-proceedings

I think she was late paying off some bills like medical bills

You've lived a very sheltered life.

It can be as simple as never having had ANY credit and therefore being seen as a risk, or having been a bit silly with a credit card or two as a young person. Or more serious but it's definitely not immediately sinister.

DH had awful credit, living at home, because he was living the "rock and roll lifestyle" using credit cards, but paying them off, then got made redundant twice in six months and couldn't sustain it. He lived at home cos he worked away before those redundancies. I knew all this when I met him. We didn't feel the need to discuss our finances with the wider families. He did learn a very good lesson about credit.

Ah ok I thought you were serious before but can see now you’re taking the mickey. Well played 😂

OP out of interest have you always paid half towards your marital home? Half the deposit, half the mortgage? Have you always paid half the bills?

I'm afraid it does matter if they want to buy an expensive item for the new house in the future and need a loan.

A joint loan will link both their credit ratings so that means any future credit search may see the fiancee's credit history as well as the son's. His credit rating could be affected as the person he applied with has a poor rating.
Once you have a joint loan, it's not possible to remove 1 person from the agreement.

So this means that to keep his credit rating "clean" he might have to take any loans out in his own name and arrange for the repayments to be covered.

If the son doesn't care about this, quite frankly he is an idiot.

Medical bill debt? I mean if your American medical debt is nearly normal isn’t it.

She is spot on with all of that, and also saying ‘this woman who isn’t married to my son’ makes you sound awful - you need to sort yourself out now before it’s too late and you end up with no relationship with him anymore.

however you feel about her and her contributions (or lack of), your son loves her so it’s a case of suck it up if you love him

It's true. It is none of your business

I'm deadly serious, this is not a game.

Linking finances with another party is a serious business and doing a bit of "homework" beforehand will pay dividends.

None of that has anything to do with the OP's issues on this thread.

People don't have to share absolutely everything or absolutely nothing, they can just share what they are comfortable with.

And they will be comfortable with sharing a lot less with OP after this stunt.

@ThisFastEagle I think she was late paying off some bills like medical bills

Well if she was paying off the bills, that's no reason to get a bad credit rating.

It's only if she defaulted it might cause an issue.

Anyway, as others have said it's none of OPs business and with that I'm out of here.

Do you mean like a dentist or something?

I didn't know that existed. My ex is on there.

Credit ratings can be improved. Sometimes you find someone who has had some bad luck, financially, but in every other aspect is the right person for you.

Do you give that up for something that can be improved with work, if they're willing?

Or do you sack them off and either be alone forever or find someone based purely on their credit rating?

We're nearly done with this thread.

Who's taking bets on what the next thread will be about? And who will post it?
OP: my DiL won't get a job and just wants to stay at home looking after the GC, while my son works? (Answer: it's their relationship, so their business).
DiL: my MiL constantly tries to undermine decisions that DH and I have made about our DC. I don't want photos of DC on Facebook, but MiL thinks she can do what she likes - who is BU? (Answer: go LC and don't share photos with your MiL)

She'll probably be leeching of your DS in the near future.

So so many comments, yet you still don’t seem to see why you are very much in the wrong. All these excuses about him taking credit, he paid, her debt.

Who really cares about that when he’s married and doesn’t want to see his mother because she is a cow to his wife.

Swallow humble pie and treat her better. What odds will I get for a post wondering why your son never sees you or you don’t see the grandkids. Wake up!

thats all folks 🎶