AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

OP, do you struggle with communication or emotional awareness and understanding?

Your whole post reads like you are being rather disingenuous in claiming to have initially not really understood why your frankly bizarre actions might have upset your son and his partner.

Either it is exactly that, disingenuous and you’re perhaps not the nicest or easiest person to have a relationship with, or you genuinely struggle to understand human emotions and relationships.

OP, you might need help from the Army to build all the bridges you need to build with both your son and FDIL.

Apologise, preferably face to face, and make an effort to get on with her and try to keep your lips and keyboard zipped.

Indeed, not sure where he gets it from but he seems like a well-adjusted grown up.

I can see your point. It was HIS achievement ,but I wouldn't have deleted her post. Delete the whole thing and start again. If your son queries it,say you accidentally deleted the post. If she comments again,leave it alone. It'll make things awkward.

Oh Christ OP how incredibly embarrassing for you, I'm sorry to say this.

So absolutely infantilising for your adult son to gush on FB about him buying a house. And so absolutely dreadful of you to delete that comment. I'm mortified for you. Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Haven't read thr full thread but please consider apologising to both your son and your future daughter in law, and may I suggest some therapy to help guide you to navigate and reframe your relationship with your adult child? I say this kindly, having endured an overstepping mother myself.

She said if anything this is not about me but more so about them as this will be the home they create together. She said she supported my son through this whole process Gave my son money for half the rent in the apartment enabling him to save up for the house. She said what about when they have children the mother is the one carrying the baby for 9 months, giving birth, risking their health, having their bodies changed forever and the man she said not to be crude just contributes a few seconds does that mean when she gives birth to their child and people post congratulating them should everyone tag or congratulate just her bc after all my son only contributed towards the beginning?

She said maybe they didn’t want this purchase posted all over fb but I just went ahead and posted. I feel like I don’t need permission from this woman who my son isn’t married to to post about my own son. I didn’t say that part to her I still apologized and tagged her but it’s how I feel. She said they are now an engaged couple these things should he recognized within the context of the unit that my son isn’t single anymore.

she also added relationships are give and take and she will be contributing in other ways throughout the relationship and who knows down the line she may have a higher paying job isn’t tit for tat everything is within the context of the unit moving forward or at least should be.

don’t need permission from this woman who my son isn’t married to to post about my own son.
your son thought you were rude too though? You clearly hate her and are having issue with everything about her, they both complain but now you’re whining about I don’t need permission from her! Good luck to both of them, they’re going to need it

It's none of your business!!! Jesus Christ OP.

I'm glad your son has healthy and strong boundaries and he gave you the correct response on this one.

Oh god what a nightmare for your poor daughter in law.

She said they are a partnership and things should be looked at in the context of the unit and she is hurt she wasn’t tagged it makes it’ll like she is single or doesn’t exist or that that is bad blood between us she also mentioned that if they have kids she is the one carrying them for 9 months and birthing them and changing her body forever does that mean people should congratulate and tag only her

If they do get married you've already ruined your relationship with your future DIL and damaged your relationship with your son

Your son is right.
Your DIL has read the room perfectly, she is also right.
You are so so wrong in all of this.

And again, perhaps a lesson in keeping people’s business that isn’t your own off of social media. She’s so spot on.

She makes a fair point re having a child I think?
And while of course you don’t need her permission to post something on Facebook, it doesn’t sound like your son is particularly happy either.
You really have to let this go or you risk damaging the relationship long term, not just in terms of what you’ve done on FB but how you are thinking. If not, it will permeate all you say or do in subtle if not explicit ways which they will understand and you will slowly lose them.

There is a point there about posting their business over Facebook.

Did you actually even have his permission to declare to the world that’s his purchased a house? Because it’s not actually your information to share.

Again it’s not exactly something that’s done by anyone on my Facebook. People might post decorating or moving in general but nobody makes a post regarding on if it’s purchased or rented.

Nobody on my Facebook knows if I rent or own my house.

She's quite right isn't she, not only have you not accepted her - you don't even like her.

Do try very very hard to understand what she is saying about babies in the future !!!

It sounds like your son and his future wife are well tuned into you. Well done to them for sticking together through this, it seems like they have a really loving supportive relationship with each other.

"She said maybe they didn’t want this purchase posted all over fb but I just went ahead and posted. I feel like I don’t need permission from this woman who my son isn’t married to to post about my own son."

All the red flags for an absolute nightmare MIL.

It’s very odd OP that every time you post you seem clueless as to what you’ve actually done, but more importantly, more telling, you say you’ve spoken to dil and the words you say she’s used are exactly words by other posters here 🤔 🤔 Fabrication keeps springing to mind.

I give up, you appear very selective on who you reply to on here. Anyone that doesn't back you is being ignored.

Why post if you don't want others opinions?! 🤦‍♀️

Both your DS a d FDIL are justified to be upset with you.

Learn from it!

This !!!

🐂💩

She said maybe they didn’t want this purchase posted all over fb but I just went ahead and posted. I feel like I don’t need permission from this woman who my son isn’t married to to post about my own son.

That woman? You really don't like her – the animosity is coming off your posts in waves. You're also not listening to what she's saying - maybe THEY didn’t want this purchase posted all over fb. Like it or not, they see themselves as a team and they make decisions together. If you continue to refuse to accept that she's his equal as far as he's concerned, you'll lose him. This will already have driven a massive wedge between the pair of you.

Out of interest, are you divorced? Where's your son's dad in all this?

Agreed! How long until the OP is back on MN with a new thread. “I am not welcome in my sons home.” Or DiL won’t let me see my GC.

I also feel the son needs recognising for standing up to his mum. He’s probably saved his relationship here. How many of us would tolerate a MiL like this?

a few have asked this with zero response. So I’m hazarding never married, rents, deadbeat dad who wasn’t involved. One child only the boy. It’s why ops so clingy onto him and this purchase being a big deal.

Or it's entirely made up and the reason OP only replies to supportive posters is because it fuels the outrage and keeps the thread going...

She said maybe they didn’t want this purchase posted all over fb but I just went ahead and posted. I feel like I don’t need permission from this woman who my son isn’t married to to post about my own son.

@ThisFastEagle

You can post about loving and being proud of your son all you like. You can't post about his finances without his permission. And you can't post things to deliberately exclude the woman he has chosen, unless you don't want a relationship with him.

The fact you call her "this woman" screams that you have a problem with her, and to me it sounds like you have a very unhealthy obsession with your son, which he doesn't seem to like. Work in it, or you'll lose him.