AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

On the plus side OP, his response to you in support of his partner makes him sound like a lovely man. I’d be far prouder of that than his ability to get a mortgage.

Your FDIL will be doing more than ‘contributing’ to them having children, you are seriously at risk of losing the relationship you have with your DS and with his future family.

You seem to have only really engaged with the very few people posting who agree with you, and not the overwhelming posts advising that you’re in the wrong here. I would seriously suggest you make amends here and handle things differently if you want to be in their lives going forward.

OP is 100% dedicated to backing up her existing opinion of how completely reasonable she is. Top marks. Can't wait to hear from DIL.

If my MIL had deleted my comment in the same circumstances, I’d have taken it to mean her telling me to shut up.

I think your main takeaway should be if you ever ask him to pick sides between you and her, he will pick her. My MIL likes to isolate me and my SIL from her sons, and it doesn’t work. You probably don’t think you’re doing that, and maybe you’re not, but I would check your thoughts and actions to make sure.

"He should not have disclosed his fiancés money issues to you."

This. And FMIL should never have taken that deeply private information and used it against the FDIL. Honestly, the boundaries are all over the place.

I think she might have meant she hid it (but not sure).

She is not just his girlfriend though, she’s the woman he loves and intends to marry… she is his fiancé. Whilst her credit rating prevents her from being on the paperwork it doesn’t take away the fact that she’s contributing to the rent, utilities etc on their current rented accommodation enabling him to save for the deposit. He’s not bought the house outright, and he couldn’t have afforded the down payment had he not had the help and support of his future wife, they as a couple will be sharing the mortgage repayments and other outgoings.
I don’t think FDIL has a nerve sending that message, it’s entirely appropriate that she is excited for the next chapter in their lives, they are a couple, an item, and 97% of MN users agree.
OP posted on FB to brag to whoever would read it to big herself up, and have a huge dig at FDIL, no other reason She didn’t need to put her DS’s private life out into the public arena, she is bang out of order, but it was all about her ego and oneupmanship to show off to anyone who read it…pathetic nasty woman she is.
All she has done is upset and embarrass her son and alienate her FDIL. I hope the happy couple do the right thing and tell her to keep her distance.

What a pity you didn't ring your son and verbalise your pride, which is understandable.

SM posts are naf in my view and as in this case can cause angst.

You have good reason to be proud of your son and privately he might have really enjoyed his mums pride and compliment.

Unfortunately putting up a pointed post has just handed her a stick to beat you with.

Be careful or you may not see them both for dust.

the correct response to someone obtaining a mortgage and the keys to their new home is
Congratulations

and TBH it was not your news to share

This happens.

My son didn't ring fenced his very large deposit, his girlfriend put in nothing. Several years later they've split and now he's having to buy her out, no children but having to pay someone a part of your contribution and profit on that is wrong, and grabby of her, but sadly it happens. Some people aren't fair and take, take, take. Her credit problems might reappear as well.

Still it's his life, his choices and consequences. However, as another poster said tread lightly, you wouldn't want no contact if you upset her. Be careful.

Gosh what a petty and unnecessary thing to do.

You may as well have posted: Hey you stay out of this it’s not your house!

I ring fenced my money much to my ex's disapproval (I should have just taken his word for it and it was so unromantic of me to care about my money 🙄), then i got married and it was voided by marriage and moving house(I saw a solicitor after we split to ask about it). I lost half my deposit to a money grabbing layabout so it happens to women too. Sadly my ex was quite the schemer. He also has fuck all to show for it because he spent it on drugs and showing off to his friends.

But what the OP did was braggy and childish and has nothing to do with being concerned about the future daughter in law getting half.

I’m not sure exactly why she has bad credit. But it could have happened when she was young. I do realize I messed up in deleting her comment so I did apologize to her and she did say it wasn’t just about deleting her comment but that I completely overlooked and ignored her ent only tagging my son as this is something that will be their home and they are an ended about to be married couple and we should have been acknowledged as unit. I did apologize and ended up tagging her and my son is upset with me .

My son told me it’s none of my business as he’s not anything child he is an adult man in a committed relationship and their finances are between them and not me. My FDIL told me the same thing that it’s none of my business

Maybe it’s time to start listening to your son.

He sounds like he’s got his head screwed on.

As a lawyer, I always advise my friends who aren’t married to always ring fence their own money unless it’s genuinely 50:50. I hear so much about “they put the deposit in but I paid £20K for the extension then got nothing” etc etc so from all angles it’s best to be transactional when it comes to finances until you’re married.

Yes I understand she may pay utilities and her paying rent in the apartment may have helped my son save up but at the end of the day it was my son’s credit and earnings that got him that house.

No wonder they're fed up with you. They clearly see their new house as a joint effort, while you're banging on about your precious son's solo achievement.

Also, you call the house a "pre-marital asset". You've got a big shock coming...

Are you maybe going to listen to him?

You should remember this every time you want to behave in a certain way towards him/his fiancee.

Oh yeah my son and FDIL were upset with me. My FDIL said they are partners and they have arrangements set up to where she will be contributing. Thus they should be viewed as a unit as they are about to be married and she said she is very hurt she wasn’t tag as she feels I don’t accept her

Oh boy…they’ve really got your measure, and sadly you’ve brought it all on yourself.
i hope you’ve learnt your lesson, however, by your replies it appears that you haven’t.
Sadly, I think they will cut you out of their lives and that will be down to you. You don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, your son and fiancée think you have…listen to them!

Well she's right, isn't she?

You don't even seem to think she will have a right to "his" home once they're married!

That’s what I kind of thought too but I did apologize to my son and FDIL and my FDIL said she was hurt she wasn’t tagged to begin with because they are an engaged couple to be married they are a unit and they should be recognized together and it was weird I completely ignored her and only acknowledged my son one half of the unit