AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

My DH paid for our house and kept me for years (no kids) as he moved and I followed. 30 years on I keep him, it's swings and roundabouts and they sound a very committed couple. My in-laws were sniffy, we do look after them but it doesn't mean it's forgotten.

Don't post their private business on FB.

@Chazbots Don't post their private business on FB.

So what private business are we talking about?

It was DIL to be that was posting stuff about the new house.

I think the mistake he or they made is telling the OP about the bad credit history and the mortgage just being jn his name. Don't over share as it so often ends up biting you on the bum.

The good thing is they probably realise that now so OP won't be given information she doesn't need going forward

I've just read this morning's updates and it sounds like he didn't even save all the money himself? She was paying all the rent from her paycheck so he could put all of his paycheck into savings?

They decided to do it this way because he would get a larger loan or better rate on his own rather than together.

I imagine they regret sharing that with you and will probably be careful what they share with you in the future.

No the OP said she posted and DIL to be replied.

So what did she post? I missed that bit.

Id delete the entire facebook post if i were you. This is how fall outs happen. Well done to your son for saving up and getting on the ladder singlehanded. However if shes soon to be his wife, she will be 50/50 claim on everything if they split

You need to drop it op and think long term. Do you want to have limited access (or even none) to them in the future? You keep saying the same thing over and over, not really listening. If you're like this all the time your relationship could be in trouble.

Having a good credit score isn't an achievement. Saving a down payment is.

So why share it at all?

If they share information and MIL-to-be asks questions all of a sudden it's "private" ??

This all sounds very odd to me.

No-one in my family shared any financial information with me when buying houses, which is as it should be.

Did you want her to tell the world : ‘So excited to move into my fiance’s home which he bought and I have not contributed to, just for the sake of clarity?’ Come on, OP. Deleting her comment was an awful thing to do. She’s not excited to have bought a house that debt hers, she’s excited to be moving into a stable home with your son who she loves. The home is entirely in his name. She knows that. Why do you want everyone knowing their financial business?

She didn't have to move away from her home, family and friends to move into his apartment and help with the rent. She could have waited until the house was bought or not moved at all.

She did because they are a team. She moved to be with him and build their lives together. If she hadn't, he'd have paid 100% of his bills and had less to save, taking longer to achieve the goal of the home. This post would then have been in the future and OP wouldn't have posted this thread yet.

I'm willing to bet this was a conversation they had before she moved, given what OP has said her son's told her. That they'd get their own home quicker if they were only paying one set of bills between them instead of two, and that this was a way she could contribute to the goal.

Either that or the fDIL is on MN and has seen the thread.

*isn’t, not debt

My son and FDIL are saying it wasn’t single handedly bc she sacrificed moving away from her friends and family to move into the apartment and pay half the rent and that if he paid by himself it would have taken him longer to save up and they are engaged to be married it’s a team effort. She will be contributing in other ways to their shared home this is the home purchased with the intent of it being their marital home they settle down in and have kids in. There might be times in the future she makes more or the odds are in her favor but they are a team and once a couple is committed and in a serious long term relationship these type of things need to be viewed through the lens of them working together as a couple. It isn’t a single person anymore

Right but then you go on to defend her so I’m confused where you stand

It’s in the first bit of OP’s first post, did you not read the first one? OP posted first (without their knowledge first) about her son having purchased the house, and then her FDIL commented on it.

She has upset both her son and his wife to be, for no good reason, in the process of showing off to her friends.

Because if her motivation was for her son to know she was proud, she’d have left it at telling him privately. And wouldn’t have minded that FDIL commented, as it wouldn’t take anything away from her son. But no, she wanted her friends to be clear that her son financially bought the house solo.

All a bit cringe really.

Read the opening post to the thread. It's literally there.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos I'm willing to bet this was a conversation they had before she moved, given what OP has said her son's told her. That they'd get their own home quicker if they were only paying one set of bills between them instead of two, and that this was a way she could contribute to the goal.

You could well be correct.
But as her credit rating was bad she would not have been able to rent in her own right as no landlord would take her on. So they only way she could get a roof over her head was to "piggyback" on him.

I wonder where she was living before she moved in with him?
Either with parents or subletting from friends/ family?

IMO the more you look into it the more dodgy it sounds.🙄

You’ll find yourself on an information diet from now on op.

He will 100% be regretting letting you know any of the mortgage details.

You’ll only get told things they don’t deem important or say pregnancy you’ll likely be told only a day earlier than anyway one else and well if you keep up your Facebook postings maybe not till after they have posted same goes for delivery of baby.

Their news not your news just as buying the house was his news not your news and it sounds like it wasn’t actually taken nicely by either that it was posted at all.

Why don't you just admit you can't stand her OP and don't think she's good enough for your son?

Or it's coming to the Daily Mail in a couple of weeks. Would make great click-bait for the ignorant readers on there.

If true you've been utterly stupid.
DH & I have been married for nearly 30 years & I still haven't forgotten what a bitch mil was over 'her son's' house when I moved in.
Pathetic & ridiculous trying to put your claim on everything. Poor FDIL, I had hoped this dort of crap didn't go on anymore.

She was living with her parents

You’re not unreasonable to congratulate him, but you were unreasonable to delete her comment and then go back to your son about it 😬

definitely one of those times to just let it go, especially as she was only saying she was excited, she didn’t try to take the credit. It does look very petty and comes across as you not liking her. Not worth damaging your relationship with her or your son.

Yeah, you fucked up OP.

If I was the DiL I would be fuming and assumed you hated me (and probably act the same way back).

She's the one your son is going to be trying hardest to keep happy so I am pretty sure you have just pushed your son away.