AIBU for deleting the FB comment?

[ThisFastEagle]

So my son just bought his first house and I'm beyond proud! He's worked hard for this and it's a huge achievement. I posted a congrats message on FB, tagging only him, and mentioned how this has always been his dream. His fiancée commented on the post saying 'we're excited for our home' and 'we're looking forward to this next chapter'. Thing is, the house is in his name only due to her credit issues. I felt like she was overstepping and taking credit for his achievement. We've had a long distance thing going on initially when he moved for work and she later joined him. I deleted her comment and had a word with my son about it, asking him to maybe clarify my intentions to her. Was I wrong to do so, or was her comment just a bit much?

That was a shitty thing to do OP.

And you know that.

True. Is this a plot on eastenders or anything lately? I don’t watch soaps just read here for my daily dose lol

I'm just waiting for the doof-doof-doof-doof-doof-doof-doof payoff that the DIL tells OP they're pregnant but are now going NC with her.

My son said mom we are engaged with a set wedding date and my fiancé helped very much in a plethora of ways enable me to purchase our first home. We are engaged this isn’t just MY home this is OUR home and that’s all my fiancé said in her comment she is right. We will be building a life together and my fiancé is very hurt you didn’t mention her at all she isn’t some brand new GF she moved to be with me that’s a huge sacrifice in and of itself. My FDIL told me she was hurt as well. I get they are a unit but my son is still an individual. My FDIL brought up the baby analogy about how she will be carrying the baby for 9 months and birthing the child but I bet I would have something to say if her family and friends tagged just her contrasting HER on HER baby I mean after all she did 90% of the work.

idk about easyenders but there’s been a lot of threads that follow a vaguely similar format about Facebook or instagram posts, normally completely insane, and one or two cheerleaders that get responded too in the comments.

' My son said mom we are engaged with a set wedding date and my fiancé helped very much in a plethora of ways enable me to purchase our first home. We are engaged this isn’t just MY home this is OUR home and that’s all my fiancé said in her comment she is right. We will be building a life together and my fiancé is very hurt you didn’t mention her at all she isn’t some brand new GF she moved to be with me that’s a huge sacrifice in and of itself. My FDIL told me she was hurt as well '

read read read and keep on reading until you understand
you have been told by him !

You can't have a private moment on facebook! The whole point of Facebook posts is that other people see the posts.
If she wanted a private moment she could have messaged him privately but she didn't do that.
I don't think the fiancee has done the slightest thing wrong. Why shouldn't she comment on a public post saying she was looking forward to moving into their own home.
And even though her name isn't on the mortgage she has obviously contributed by paying the rent and utilities and she has helped choose the house, etc.and as the son said she has supported him emotionally and practically.
Incidentally my husband put down the entire deposit for our first home 40+ years ago and he made by far the biggest contribution to the mortgage. I had my issues with his mother but she would never have said or thought that he did it all alone and that I didn't contribute because I did .

@ThisFastEagle Are you married? Does your son's dad have an opinion on this?

Too Much time on their hands and if real still over sharing on Facebook like it only just came out.

It’s kind of nostalgic though 🥺 I miss a good FB dust up

I agree. OP has started stating what other posters have said about the children part almost verbatim from the posts. Very strange.

Blimey... you really don't see where you're wrong and this is going to cost you in your future relationship with your son and potential grandchildren. There's countless well written posts on here and you just keep going back to him being your son and your rights despite the fact that HE has told you how he feels, what he wants and is cross with you.
YOU see the achievement as purchasing the house. HE (And FDIL) see the achievement as their first proper home together. YOU want to brag that his "Earnings" and "Money" were what achieved it but you know what... thats not important to them, only to you. FDIL is absolutely correct that they might not have wanted that info out there but YOU wanted to be allowed to be proud of your son. You can be as proud as you like no-one is taking that away from you but they may not have wanted you to brag publicly and actually you don't have a right to do that as he's a grown adult.
My own MIL likes to make comments about me spending my DH money, it's rude and undermining to me. I could put her correct with several facts about our finances that she is unaware of... I dont because it's disrespectful to my husband and it's none of her bloody business. I just let her carry on being rude.
Be careful you've not only marked your cards you've well and truley doubled down on it, you've made yourself look silly and enforced their unity against you sticking your nose in, you need to backpedal fast.

Incidentally you asked what the saying a daughters a daughter all of your life a sons a son until he takes a wife is about.
It's an old saying because when he marrys he is guided by her, not you. The female will usually gravitate towards her parents not his and because the female is usually the homemaker and gives birth to the children she is the one who guides the relationships ie she'll ask her parents for support first. She'll turn to her parents first for celebrations. Men being men usually just follow what's easiest because they have little interest in the organising ect and so over time you have less of a standing.
Now imagine how much easier you've made it to sideline you when you've already dismissed her influence and standing and have sown the seeds of being a pushy MIL.

Remember when it used to show you who had recently added who and what people liked. Ahhh the drama.

OP, she thought she was contributing by paying him rent for sharing his apartment.
That says a lot.
Of course you should pay towards where you live, but to her paying rent was contributing 🙄.

Unfortunately you have walked yourself into a situation where she is now allowed to take huge offence at your actions, limit how much they see you and make you a big problem MIL.

Whilst I understand you were proud, this has bitten you badly and completely given her the upper hand.

She has every right not to want you advertising their business on FB.

It's really in poor taste.
Learn from this.
She's not to be messed with, she is far ahead of you and is likely to make this work for her.

You can't win this.
The sooner you realise this, the best chance you have of making out this was an innocent mistake rather than a calculated attempt to humiliate her on FB.

And what she said doesn’t negate any of his achievement. She’s just excited for their new home. You’re being petty.

The more I read on here, and her replies, the more I’m thinking that this is actually a troll who has made the whole thing up. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY can possibly be so blinkered in their thinking that they’ve done nothing wrong.

So…she’s either a TROLL.
Or…she’s narcissistic, or has MH issues.
Either way, she’s wasting everyone’s time.

What do you mean by it says a lot? First it seems like you are saying her actions were wrong then it seems like you were saying it was understandable. In her eyes they are a unit this will be their married home they have their children in and she said that she will be contributing in other ways and that a relationship/marriage isn’t about tit for tat it’s about helping out when needed. There may be times the funds or life is in her favor but it doesn’t mean they are any less of a unit or her fiance/my son didn’t play a role. That I should be thinking of big life steps from here on out through the lens of them as a team a couple and not solely his achievements.

Oh I’m not sure about no one being that blinkered. My MIL would have done something similar given the chance.

Damn, this is exactly why MILs get a bad rap...

Did you really ask this question, and expect an answer? It is none of your business!
Today's posts are more batshit than yesterday's 🤨

As i said yesterday ' I guess your son is 18, hence it being a major achievement
and that he is the 1st in your family to buy ( albeit with a mortgage ) a property '

@ThisFastEagle you didn't reply to that

is he the 1st in your family to buy a property ( albeit with a mortgage ) ?

You do realise thousands of people buy property every day of the week ?
men, women, sons, daughters etc.

It says a lot about her, not in a good way, that she thought the basic act of paying towards the rent for where she was living with him was somehow contributing to your sons savings, as opposed to what?..... living rent free?

How entitled.

Your son had an apartment and she moved in?
Of course she should share the rent.
The apartment wasn't for free?
He was paying rent.
She moved in with him and paid rent, but somehow thinks she did him a favour?

That says a lot about her.
Paying towards where you live is not helping someone, its very basic math.

So, if it's "none of your business" why even mention that future DIL has a bad credit rating? Why mention that his name only is on the mortgage? Why mention that she paid rent when they were living together?
In fact why tell you anything about their finances at all if they want to keep it private.??

It seems to me that you're getting selective information OP and I smell a rat. Sorry.

she should have lived elsewhere and pay rent or mortgage there. Then he would have been absolutely fine all by himself paying 100% of everything.

Would that make you happy? 😂

This is the crux of it isn't it? Any debates about whether the OP should or shouldn't have posted it in the first place (and tbh it seems fine to me) are irrelevant - the main thing is that what the DIL posted didn't seem to contradict what the OP said in any way; if anything it seemed to be very much echoing the OP's sentiment. Even if the OP did have some special knowledge that the DIL was acting out of spite when she said that (gasp!) she was excited to be moving into a new home, just bloody let it go. It's not your epitaph it's just sodding Facebook. But from the DIL's mundane platitudes, which I expect she barely fave any thought to, the OP has managed to conjure a load of resentment. Incredible really - almost literally now I think about it.