Family mocking partner’s speech - AIBU to be upset?

[PReggoDuck23]

Bit of a rant really. We’re on a UK break with my family, just a cottage thing in Wales. Me, OH, my parents, my sister and her fella. I’m 23 weeks pregnant and just feeling a bit raw anyway tbh.

So my OH’s got a bit of a speech thing. Not a full stammer but he struggles sometimes with certain words or says stuff wrong, mispronounces things a bit. I’m used to it now and usually know exactly what he means. He gets worse when he’s tired and it’s been a long few days. We’ve been walking loads and it’s not exactly relaxing.

Last night after dinner he was trying to tell a story and got stuck on a word. Tried like 3 times to say it and my dad and sister just started laughing and taking the piss. Doing voices and repeating it back to him all wrong. He tried to laugh it off but I could see he was gutted. I told them to pack it in and they were like oh calm down we’re only joking. Then my sister said I’m just hormonal.

This morning he said he had a migraine and stayed at the cottage. Might be true but also reckon he just didn’t fancy spending the day with them after last night. Can’t blame him.

I said something again to my mum and she just rolled her eyes and said he’s too sensitive and they’re only winding him up. But I don’t think it’s funny at all. I feel really protective of him and also just really sad he’s been made to feel like that. It’s meant to be a nice time away before baby comes and now it just feels crap.

AIBU to be upset? Should I have said more?

I'm glad you've decided to leave. I think you should tell them why - even if you choose to do this after the fact to avoid confrontation or making it even more uncomfortable for your partner.

Your family are making fun of your partner for his speech difference. Would they laugh at someone with a physical disability too?

There is having a laugh with people, taking the piss out of them and then there is being an offensive bully. I can't quite believe they didn't all apologise the next day after realising they had upset your partner.

I’ve told OH I won’t stand for them treating him like this and he just kind of shrugged and said he doesn’t want to come in-between me and my family. which broke my heart a bit cos he shouldn’t even be in this position. he’s done nothing wrong.

Please make it clear to your OH that he is not coming between you and your family. You are choosing to distance yourself from them because they are a bunch of toxic bullies and you don’t want to be around them. More importantly, I would think long and hard about how much you want them in your child’s life. What if your child also has a speech impediment, or a birth mark, or is neurodiverse, or any one of a number of things that can make a child feel self conscious? Even if your child has none of these issues do you want them growing up around abusive people?

Your family sounds awful OP but glad you are stepping up and not let this nonsense carry on. You DP is being bullied because they know he won't stand up for himself. He doesn't want to cause any upset between you and your family so stays quiet, takes himself away from the situation. if this carries on it will make him unhappy and give him low confidence. For them to say, it is only a joke, your sensitive, etc is wrong. If your DP was someone who would fight back then they wouldn't do it. Wishing you both a very happy future with your new baby.

It's not mocking, it's belittling and bullying which will knock his confidence ! You are right to stick up for him as he is probably to polite to say anything as it's your family x

I feel really upset for you both .. this is a time when you should be carefree and your ignorant family treat him like this ! They are bullies who get validation by feeling superior. Glad you are not like that . When you’ve calmed down could you maybe ask for an apology ? If they say you’re over sensitive or gaslight you about what happened then you know they aren’t a safe space to bring your child into and distance yourself . Good luck .

Poor bloke. You and your DP sound lovely OP and your family sound awful. Concentrate on each other and the lovely little bundle of joy that will be arriving in a few months

OP, I presume you and OH have left already. Please tell me you have.

Muffinmam, I agree with CallMeBettyBoop

Your post - Muffinmam · 09/06/2025 02:28

Has your partner not had any brain scans or speech therapy to find out what is wrong with him?

You can’t expect everyone to understand a condition that hasn’t even been formally diagnosed.

What has that got to do with them or you. Their rudeness cannot be blamed on their ignorance of any medical assessment or diagnosis. It is not a disabled person's responsibility to inform rude people with zero intelligence and zero good manners of any medical condition. The OP did not say in her post that the family should understand. Nowhere at all does she say they expected everyone to understand. We don't need to understand his condition - totally irrelevant.

The only time I would ever inform a stranger or someone who was not aware of any illness, would be if I had a partner or child with Tourettes and they had sworn and the other person(s) thought it was aimed at them specifically and they appeared very upset wondering what they had done wrong. Even then I would ask my partner if he wished me to explain the Tourettes (or my child who understood the situation).

@Muffinmam nothing wrong with us thank you, fellow stammerer here. You don't need a brain scan, it's a speech impediment and that's it. Yes there is a part of the brain that controls speech, but it doesn't require a scan.
Everyone should take the time to be respectful and understandable towards people who stammer, regardless.

What they've done is totally unacceptable, but I'd also say please don't hide from them the reason you're leaving early.

If you do they aren't going to realise they need to change their behaviour/ attitude.

Could even be once you've left so as not to cause an argument while you're there.

"We didn't want an argument while we were all together, but it's important for you to know that taking the piss out of George for his speech is not on. You've really upset me with what you said and how you dismissed my feelings when I told you.

That is why we left early.

I know that, as I'm dealing with people who find this acceptable, you're unlikely to take any accountability even after me sending this message, but that's your choice. I've told you how your actions and words have upset me, you'll now see that our relationship is changed and you know exactly why. It's upto you if you if you want our relationship to be better now."

He sounds like a lovely man. Do graceful. Not everyone drinks alcohol. He's no less of a man.

Your family are out of line here. Would they behave like that with a colleague who had a stammer?

It's outrageous tbh.

Then the cheek of asking if he would be able to pronounce the baby's name. That's awful behaviour.

It's not that he won't stand up for himself; but realistically, he probably can't.

To their nasty, tiny minds, it's funny every time he talks. If he stands up for himself verbally, they're going to laugh all the more. The poor chap must feel so powerless and frustrated.

It sounds like he's too intelligent and far too nice to respond with physical violence - much as it may be tempting.

Spot on.

I hope OP and her DH can move onward from here without massive family drama, but given her family's showing so far, I doubt it.

If he wasn’t laughing then it wasn’t funny.

That simple.

And yeah the social laugh coz you are embarassed and you want to crawl underground doesn’t count. Your family was mean, their reaction towards you dressing them down is also crap. I hope your relationship with them gets better especially with baby coming.

Your family are vile bullies, @PReggoDuck23 - have you messaged and told them that yet? Hope you had a lovely couple of days together, without them.

Agree with all of the above - it's 'bullying' disguised as 'banter'' - you already know the answer here love - this is maybe the hill on which to make your stand...I would be disgusted with any of my family or friends who behaved like this - if they don't understand that, then either please have a few strong words, & make them understand, or show them this thread maybe? Either way, they are the canutes, you are great for standing up for him. Take it all the way. ie Home with your DP, & drop them. Forever? And best wishes to your DP, ignore the twonks & their little lives, where they feel the need to put someone down to make themselves feel better?