Family mocking partner’s speech - AIBU to be upset?

[PReggoDuck23]

Bit of a rant really. We’re on a UK break with my family, just a cottage thing in Wales. Me, OH, my parents, my sister and her fella. I’m 23 weeks pregnant and just feeling a bit raw anyway tbh.

So my OH’s got a bit of a speech thing. Not a full stammer but he struggles sometimes with certain words or says stuff wrong, mispronounces things a bit. I’m used to it now and usually know exactly what he means. He gets worse when he’s tired and it’s been a long few days. We’ve been walking loads and it’s not exactly relaxing.

Last night after dinner he was trying to tell a story and got stuck on a word. Tried like 3 times to say it and my dad and sister just started laughing and taking the piss. Doing voices and repeating it back to him all wrong. He tried to laugh it off but I could see he was gutted. I told them to pack it in and they were like oh calm down we’re only joking. Then my sister said I’m just hormonal.

This morning he said he had a migraine and stayed at the cottage. Might be true but also reckon he just didn’t fancy spending the day with them after last night. Can’t blame him.

I said something again to my mum and she just rolled her eyes and said he’s too sensitive and they’re only winding him up. But I don’t think it’s funny at all. I feel really protective of him and also just really sad he’s been made to feel like that. It’s meant to be a nice time away before baby comes and now it just feels crap.

AIBU to be upset? Should I have said more?

My in-laws are like this. It's brutal but now I realise it's THEIR social anxiety that causes it and it's almost become their own little micro culture. To insult profusely and make it very personal.

But bizarrely if they start doing it to you it means you're being accepted. If you say anything back then they are almost crying with 'now she's one of us!'

We did take a step back when we had DC though as I didn't think it was a nice environment to be a part of.

Are you trying to win stupidest and most insensitive post of the week? Are you saying that until a formal diagnosis, it’s open season for people behaving like dicks?

What?! Are you the OP’s sister by any chance?

So, according to you, it’s ok to bully and belittle someone if you don’t know the details of their medical diagnosis.

By your logic it would be ok to mock a child struggling to walk down a street so long as you stop when their parent shows you a doctor’s note confirming they have cerebral palsy?

What an appalling and disgusting attitude you have.

You and your partner sound lovely, probably far too lovely to send a message to the family WhatsApp along the lines of:

"I'll be in touch once the dust settles after the baby has been born, to let you know what we've had. There is a chance that my baby will also have a stammer, so I'm not expecting you to like him or her either, or treat them with respect. It breaks my heart to know that my child might not be safe from the cruel mockery you subjected my partner to. I'm sorry for your ignorance."

Your family are embarrassing themselves. I wouldn't visit again.
Is your dh a high earner by any chance or very successful in his job? From a different class background? imo your sister is jealous she's acting like a total bitch. Your dad is insecure around your dh and has humiliated himself.

Your family sound disgusting tbh, how they think that’s acceptable is beyond me.

I am pleased you have decided to leave this morning op. It's not acceptable behaviour from your family.

Your sister sounds intolerable. You need to find a one liner for when this starts that you say evenly something like
"Stop that behaviour".
When they go we are only joking. Respond "A joke is funny this is not"
To you are hormonal
"No I dont like bullies, there is a difference "

For what its worth your partner sound like a lovely man.

This is perfect!!
Well done OP for doing what's right 👏🏼 xx

I wonder if the wider media will pick this thread up? It wouldn't be a terrible thing if it did, but the OP should be mindful of the possibility so she's not caught unawares.

OP, I hope by now you and your DH are on your way out of that vipers' nest and heading to a nice breakfast somewhere - though to be honest, a Gregg's pasty at the ugliest service station in the UK would be better than breaking bread with your atrocious family. They sound like a bunch of spiteful, vulgar bullies with no class, decency or education (that is, in the wider sense of knowing how to behave around other people, rather than just a clutch of qualifications.) Your DH on the other hand, sounds lovely. Maybe they just can't cope with someone who has all the qualities they lack. Anyway, that's not his problem or your fault. All you can do is let it be known in the strongest terms you can come up with that short of them cleaning their act up and apologising for their foul abuse, they won't have to cope with either of you in the future and they certainly won't see the baby. All the best to you, your DH and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Is anyone in your family able to reflect? Do they understand the concept of banter and if it’s not being found funny, then it’s hurtful and could be seen as bullying?

Would you ever be able to speak to them one-to-one and help them realise? And ask them, if your child inherits a stammer, would they be okay with other children and adults mocking their grandchild or niece/nephew in the future?

I feel so sorry for your partner. I bet it brings back all sorts of memories of being bullied over the years because of a stammer he can’t control.

Wtf?! It’s ok to mock him if he hasn’t been formally diagnosed with anything?!

Is it something he is effecting or can change - nope therefore they are arseholes

They sound horrible, but you also need to step up more for him. Leaving early, making an excuse and sending a message after is fairly passive. Start actually defending him when these comments happen. Take the argument. He sounds like a good guy and he deserves that you stand up for him properly.

Are you going to allow your child be mocked should they have issues with their speech?

They will be fair game too for your vile family.
Poor man.

No-one with a disability or health condition - formally diagnosed or otherwise - owes anyone an explanation of it. There’s no need for anyone else to ‘understand’ - it is what it is. And what it is, is personal and no-one elses’ business.

And it might interest you to know that you can legally be defined as a disabled person under the Equality Act without a formal diagnosis.

It’s nonsense isn’t it ? Sometimes the ableism and ignorance shown on MN is utterly breathtaking.

Even if her DH does have a formal diagnosis, his medical information is nobody else's business.

My DH is visibly, physically disabled. Very few people know what specific disability he has. And guess what?! Nobody bullies him. Family or otherwise. Because they're decent human beings.

You don't have to understand something to be a decent person. I would reflect on why you feel not knowing someone's diagnosis is a justifiable reason to bully them.

Wonder if this poster is among the ‘blue badge protection’ brigade l’m encountering more and more these days. No sooner do you pull up in a disabled space than some busybody appears demanding to see your badge and providing a running commentary on how you ‘don’t look disabled’ !!

Your family are a disgrace. I wouldn't blame your DP if he wanted nothing further to do with them.

OP - I feel for the both of you. Classic bully tactics. "its only a laugh", "don't be so sensitive", "can't you take a joke?!".

I think if you do point this out, they'll double down with the above rather than just alter their behaviour, and group together with the same narrative, which will make them feel justified, which is a real shame. But you have to tell them.

My message would be: Grow the fuck up.

Good luck with it OP, you sound like you have a lovely relationship with your OH, and I wish you lots of happiness in the future.

Op, I have to say both you and your husband sound absolutely lovely. 💜Him for being willing to take so much shit from your family so that you don't have to choose and you for not allowing him to be treated so badly by your family.

Regarding your family I would tell them why you left. Maybe not right now but later. They sound pretty horrible but if they know that you actually left because of their behaviour they might realise they have gone too far. Or maybe not but it's a wrote a try.

I haven't read all the replies, but anyone who mocks anyone for having a speech impediment is just vile.

This is close to my heart for personal reasons.

These people really need to think about how they would feel if they had something they struggled with or felt self conscious about.
It's not something we can just laugh off.
It's deeply hurtful.

Your family sound absolutely vile. Good for you leaving but I would have made it clear that you are leaving because of their abhorrent behaviour towards your husband, not to sort work stuff or because you are busy.

Only read your posts but just wanted to say well done OP for growing up to be a decent mature mature who respects other people, when you grew up in a family like that.

If I were you I might not break contact with my family but I certainly would reduce it and I would not have my H around them again, ever. Especially not when you have a child. Imagine a child seeing her/his Father mocked like this?

They are bullies. Make sure they never behave like this in front of your child, either modelling bullying of others or bullying her.

This exactly. Whether or not OP's husband has a diagnosis of anything or not, whether her family are aware of that or not, her family have treated him in an appalling manner.

Also of course, OP is under no obligation to share his medical history with strangers on Mumsnet.

OP, I hope you and DH are on the road now and off somewhere nice ❤️