Family mocking partner’s speech - AIBU to be upset?

[PReggoDuck23]

Bit of a rant really. We’re on a UK break with my family, just a cottage thing in Wales. Me, OH, my parents, my sister and her fella. I’m 23 weeks pregnant and just feeling a bit raw anyway tbh.

So my OH’s got a bit of a speech thing. Not a full stammer but he struggles sometimes with certain words or says stuff wrong, mispronounces things a bit. I’m used to it now and usually know exactly what he means. He gets worse when he’s tired and it’s been a long few days. We’ve been walking loads and it’s not exactly relaxing.

Last night after dinner he was trying to tell a story and got stuck on a word. Tried like 3 times to say it and my dad and sister just started laughing and taking the piss. Doing voices and repeating it back to him all wrong. He tried to laugh it off but I could see he was gutted. I told them to pack it in and they were like oh calm down we’re only joking. Then my sister said I’m just hormonal.

This morning he said he had a migraine and stayed at the cottage. Might be true but also reckon he just didn’t fancy spending the day with them after last night. Can’t blame him.

I said something again to my mum and she just rolled her eyes and said he’s too sensitive and they’re only winding him up. But I don’t think it’s funny at all. I feel really protective of him and also just really sad he’s been made to feel like that. It’s meant to be a nice time away before baby comes and now it just feels crap.

AIBU to be upset? Should I have said more?

Why do you need to 'understand' a condition, or know a diagnosis in order to behave decently towards someone, @Muffinmam?

If YOU see someone having difficulty walking or talking, do you bully and mock them until they tell you their diagnosis and explain it to you? No decent person would do this.

I think you need to write a letter to your family explaining exactly why you left and why their behaviour won’t be tolerated by you anymore.

Make it clear to them that unless they acknowledge their ongoing poor behaviour towards your DP and apologise unreservedly, you don’t want anything more to do with them and won’t be visiting them ever again.

They need shock tactics because otherwise, they’ll refuse to accept that they’ve done anything wrong. People can change if they choose to. If they choose not to change, that’s on them.

I wouldn't be surprised. We had someone try to take a picture of DHs number plate when he parked in disabled. Soon scuttled off when he got out of the car and had visible mobility issues 🥴

You need to put your foot down on this type of behaviour.

they’ve shown you how they are behind your back and to mock openly is disrespectful.

what if they do this to your husband in front of your child? They need to know now that it won’t be tolerated.

and let your husband know your on his team- he must feel so alone right now, family are the ones that should be making him feel safe and not worry about his speech impediment.

Is he Dyslexic, I have a similar problem particularly when I’m tired.

Bollocks. I don´t need to see someones medical history reports to treat them decently and not take the mick out of any sort of disability. Decent people don´t do that. Can´t believe you wrote that.

I agree 100%!

@PReggoDuck23 I can perhaps understand that you don't want to "argue" with them on the trip, but unless you want your child to grow up seeing and hearing their claptrap, you need to do something now. The above poster put it a great way.

If they don't want to respect and be kind to your DH, they do not deserve to have a role in your baby's life or extended contact with any of you. You are the only one who can stop them being abusive to the man you love, so the ball is in your court.

OP I think you would do very well to cool down the relationship with your bully family to a minimum. Do not accept gaslighting and minimising and definitely don´t accept them belitling your husband in front of your child. So in order to avoid this, avoid them.

@PReggoDuck23 you two sound really lovely people. Caring for each other and kind.

I think you’ve played it well. As you said, there was no need to make the last hours in the house even worse for him just to make a point. If they have two brain cells, they’ll know very well why you have left anyway.

The sticky point is that, yes, you’ll probably have to go LC with them. I’d love to see them suddenly realising how bad it was. But I very much doubt so.
The fact your dh said he didn’t want to come between you and your family seems lovely. But it also means he is always going to put himself last. You’ll really have to take the lead there.

I imagine you’re now well on your way back home. So hopefully leaving won’t have happened with loads of drama from them.

Wow… Just wow…

Are you always needing to know ‘what’s wrong with people’ before deciding if you are going to be respectful towards them? Because clearly, in your world, just yours, if one has a difference, you need to understand before you can respect them right?

Theres no need to understand or to know someone diagnosis to be respectful and kind.

I would have said yeah he has a stammer but at least he isn't an arsehole like yourselves

I hate that a pregnant woman can't be legitimately pissed off without being told 'it's your hormones'. 😡👊

💯. I’d leave to make my point , you are not relaxing

I think that really cruel to do that to someone.

Yeah I have something similar to this, and it shows you who people really are, sometimes people get quite aggressive, accuse me of doing it on purpose and say, can you please stop doing that. It is a disability for me and I can’t “just stop it”, any more than someone in a wheelchair can “just stop it”.

I'd be leaving straight away and telling them they're a bunch of cunts and I won't be speaking to them again.
They are horrible bullies.

I've broken the MN cardinal rule and searched

How can you of all people post that utter claptrap??

Eh? Bullying is never ok whatever the cause.

I’m baffled at posters talking about diagnoses and speech therapy. It’s got nothing to do with the OPs situation at the moment and is no-one’s business except theirs.

Like everyone else I don't really understand why you and your DP are trying not to upset your family. They're not caring about upsetting you. Even ignorant people know that drawing attention to someone's speech difference will make it worse. It must be horrible to realise you are genetically linked to such stupid, cruel people and your DP sounds lovely.

Your family are arseholes.

Speak directly with your father and sister. They are not being caring enough.

Tell them that if they intend to continue to behave like bullies they will not have you, DH and new baby to stay.

Its only a joke , thats an excuse for bullying and mocking, what a horrible insensitive lot !! Tell them straight, that you dont like it and it had nothing to do with hormones or being sensitive and their behaviour was cruel.

The issue isn't "what is wrong with him." It's what's wrong with them. Why should kindness and respect be dependent on a diagnosis? If they've had a decency bypass, does that mean the OP and her DH can't stamp on their feet and sprinkle chilli powder in their underwear?

How mean-spirited of them. Do they have form for 'banter' or bullying of your friends/boyfriends in the past? Your poor partner, that sounds like a really unpleasant situation to be in.

Well, as the saying goes, you can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends (Partners)
They are just rude, ignorant vile people. They are clearly very unhappy people. On the other hand, you have clearly chosen a lovely, kind, sensitive man who’s clearly going to be the most wonderful Daddy.
Concentrate on your little family.