DP’s child’s mother not having boundaries

[surethingmaybe]

My DP has a little 4 year old girl that he sees 50% of the week (she stays with us). Usually it is more because her mum asks for her to stay with us for whatever reason. No problem at all, we’ve decorated her room and she likes coming here.

Me and DP have been together 2 years and moved in around Christmas together. It’s all lovely, and I really enjoyed the life we have.

I have some issues with DSD’s mum. She seems very needy - she will text my DP asking for a swap of days in a few weeks time and if he doesn’t reply in about 10 minutes she will call repeatedly. He has said to her before not to call him unless an emergency. So when he answers he thinks it’s an emergency and she just says did you get my text?

She has also started calling him at very odd hours 12am for example, if she can’t settle their daughter. My DP also doesn’t answer these calls, but she persists.

DP and this lady weren’t in a relationship when DSD was conceived, it was a one night thing. This was all before me, but she wanted a relationship/living together and DP said no but I will support you fully. Which he has - pays CMS, has his daughter whenever she wants/at least 50% of the week.

She is constantly trying to keep him at the door to speak during drop offs - saying she’s been unwell. One time she said she suspected her DP was having an affair?!

AIBU to find this type of behaviour odd? And what do I do? DP thinks ignoring is the best approach but I think it’s really disrespecting

What does DP, DSD mean?

Sorry to be blunt, but this woman sounds as though she wants 'more' from her one night stand.
Did she get pregnant deliberately? Because she wanted a boyfriend and by not taking responsibility for contraception?
If that is not the case she should have terminated the pregnancy.

Oh my god. People are still talking about the ONS! Why are you all so obsessed??
Dad has a partner; mum has a partner, they are now coparents. Nothing more or less. They share a 4 year old. That is significant. The ONS is irrelevant.

Yes

It’s really not appropriate to say that someone should have terminated a pregnancy. Not everyone feels that that is something they can do. If either party did not want a child to result from that encounter they should have taken precautions.

Exactly - if the woman did not want a child she should have used contraception. She sure as hell should not be badgering her one night stand. This sounds like a desperate woman trying to hook a man.

Omg.

Not wrong though.
my body, my choice comes with my body my consequences.

What are you on about 🤢🤮

And what about the man. Shouldn't he take responsibility for procreating?

I think you quoted the wrong pp

Well then you are going to have to accept this is your life going forward.
This is how she behaves and she is clearly determined to make a nuisance of herself.

It is up to him to deal with it.
You just have to suck it up.

Personally it wouldn't be for me and I certainly wouldn't dream of having a child with someone with this set up, but if you are prepared to, then you have years of this ahead of you.

This is why some women avoid men with children.

I am not going to make up alternative scenarios. OP has stated it was a ONS. By suggesting it was not you are asking me to make up alternative scenarios.

Yes. Which is why they both have a duty of care to the child.

As they both made a choice not to prevent pregnancy.

You are assuming she did not want a child.

It doesn't matter whether she wanted a child or not. Let's assume she did. It's a scam to have a one night stand simply to get pregnant and then to expect the man to pay for her needs.

A scam??? Did the man not know how babies are made?

what is this thread. I hope pp’s who were trying to justify earlier that this ONS stuff wasn’t misogynistic are still here and reading this.

We don't know what was said between the two on the one night stand. She may I insisted she was on the pill. Who knows.

Well, more fool him for falling for it.

And? A man’s incapable of understanding that if he has sex a baby might happen and that’s the risk?

Dear me. Do you expect men to be coddled in all areas of life?

Not at all.
The points I am making are:

1. Women can and do lie.
2. Men are not always the baddies.

Fairly simple to grasp I would have thought. But then I'm not a man hater.

And none of that changes the fact that there is a child from two people having sex.

Both equally responsible

According to my brother, he’s been conned six times into making children that he didn’t want with women that he didn’t like.
My other brother has been conned repeatedly but didn’t end up with babies for one reason or another but there were pregnancies.

My son will be taking a very different tact with these things and assuming that nobody is on the pill because why the fuck would they be if they’re not in a stable relationship?
If we start from that stance as a mother of Son’s, That should protect them from these nut jobs

Who knows what happened in this situation, but generally speaking if a man chooses to rely on the words of a woman he doesn’t know, claiming she’s on the pill - yes more fool him. And more fool her as well. They’re both putting themselves at serious risk.

Obviously no-one should be having unprotected sex on a ONS regardless of if the woman claims she’s on the pill or the man claims he’s had a vasectomy etc. If the woman falls pregnant they’re both equally responsible.

Honestly, I’d be scared of coming away with more than a baby! STDs are a thing!

Your brother wasn’t aware of condoms?

He had a choice here.