To not take him back after all this?

[GreeCasual]

Bit of a messy one so sorry if this is all jumbled. Just need to get it out.

Ex DH walked out in Feb. Said he wasn’t happy and “needed time to figure himself out” which basically meant he’d been seeing someone else. Moved in with her sharpish, left me with two kids under 6 and a mortgage to deal with. I was wrecked but got on with it because I had to.

Then last night out the blue his mum calls me in pieces saying he’s in hospital. Apparently he got into it with some bloke outside a pub who was kicking off at his new girlfriend. Tried to break it up and got badly hurt. He’s ok now thank god but I took the kids up there and it was honestly surreal. He looked at me like he hadn’t seen me in years. Got emotional, said he’s been stupid, wants to come home, wants his family back.

And now everyone including MIL is acting like I should just forgive and forget. She keeps messaging saying “don’t do anything hasty, he’s still their dad, he’s had a wake up call” and all that.

But I’m not sure I even want him back. I’ve only just stopped crying every night. I’ve started sorting myself out again and even been chatting to someone new. Nothing serious but he’s kind and makes me laugh. Ex hasn’t even apologised properly for what he put me through.

I keep thinking about how quick he left. And now he’s lying in a hospital bed feeling sorry for himself and suddenly remembers he had a family? It’s all a bit too convenient.

AIBU to say no and keep moving forward? Or should I give him another chance because of the kids?

Absolutely not! I agree with pp - he’d do it again. You’ve just started to realise you’re without him! You don’t need him. You are far stronger than you think.
Honestly? I’d block his Mum’s phone number.

What a pathetic specimen. I’m so sorry for what he’s put you through. Obviously do not take him back. He was probably off his face on painkillers and might change his mind and fuck you over again. His mum can piss off.

No way... don't take him back! He's made his bed, etc.

@GreeCasual I cannot understand why you even ran to the hospital!! he deserves nothing from you. he tossed you and your children on the scrapheap to sow his wild oats elsewhere! where does mil get off telling you not to do anything hasty?? bloody cheeky git! the only person from his family who should be on your contacts list is him only if he contacts you at all to take children out. all other members of his family have no right to contact you so block them all.

No.

He chose to cheat on you rather than communicate that he was not happy and work on a solution within the marriage.

He can be a good dad to his kids if he chooses. There’s no need for you to stay together for him to achieve that.

I would not think for one moment of taking him back and as a side issue, how disgusting of his family to treat you with such contempt by behaving as if you have no choice but to take him back. Swerve the lot of them. His family is trying to offload him - I bet he's getting kicked out of his girlfriend's.

Ugh. His mum trying to book an appointment for him in your bed is absolutely foul.

Stay strong & true to yourself & don’t cave to MIL & external pressure. How dare he abandon you & your DC for a younger model (I’m assuming) & then when the chips are down suddenly remember what he had. Yes it’s awful what’s happened but hardly a critical or life threatening illness & occasioned by his own folly & defense of new younger model!! No way! He’s made his bed. Good for you for holding it all together & turning a corner emotionally. He doesn’t deserve you OP.

Not for a minute. He's hurt and sore right now. He thinking of going home to you and you'll run around taking care of him like the good little wife. As soon as he's back to normal he'll do it again.

Fuck no. He’s feeling sorry for himself and thinking aww, good ole Gree will take me back (until the next time). Your ex MIL just doesn’t want him at hers. Do NOT take this pathetic twat back. You can work out co-parenting - the marriage bit however was wrecked by him months ago, and there’s no way back.

@GreeCasual it amazes me that the "man" in the relationships always leave the kids behind when they abscond!!! they obviously dont want that millstone hindering their social life!

So he got into a fight about the OW - why would you even be considering taking him back? He wouldn’t have asked if he weren’t in hospital. Tell him to sling his hook - of course it’s jolly convenient for Mumsy (and no doubt the OW) if you’re there to look after him, but once he’s better, it’ll all start up again. No, no and no.

You say NO and you keep moving forward! Like you really need to ask?!!! He has done in one and will do it again. He can fuck right off!

This 100% gf has possibly elbowed him. Let him go back to mum, she can sort him out.
Full respect to you OP. you're strong woman and have proved that by getting your life back on track. Good luck for the future with your kids.

If you took him back you would most likely be the ‘other woman’… on top of all the things he has done to you in the past, and on top of whatever he has got himself in to now to get beaten up.

No. Any decision made now is being made with heightened emotion. And definitely don’t do ‘for the kids’ because he really wasn’t thinking about them when he left, his focus was on himself, as it is now that he’s feeling sorry for himself. it If he really wants to get back with you and has somehow seen the light, then let him prove that over a considerable period of time and see what he does to try make amends. My guess is as soon as he feels better and/or realises effort is involved he will roll right back to where he was when he left. Be very wary. I don’t think he has anyone’s interests in mind other than his own.

And now everyone including MIL is acting like I should just forgive and forget. She keeps messaging saying “don’t do anything hasty, he’s still their dad, he’s had a wake up call” and all that.

Tell MIL that you've had a wake up call, too: that you deserve better than her cheating arsehole of a son who happily walked out on you and his young children so he could stick his penis in another woman and there's zero chance in hell you'll have him back.

Firstly OP, absolute credit to you for getting on with it and coping through. What a strong human you are. ❤️

Secondly, fuck him. Not literally...! Absolutely do not take him back. He left, he made that choice. You've done a stellar job without him. Men like this do this. I guarantee he will move back and be absolutely wonderful for 6 months. Maybe a year. Then he will get bored and want to check out of family life again.

This will probably happen again. And again. Tell him he made his choice and continue chatting to who you have been.

Have the life you deserve

No way. The ppl wanting you to take him back only want that so they don’t have to take the weight of looking after him and supporting him.
if you do go back and decide it isn’t working it will be so much harder to split from him now.

THIS. And please use these exact words
Perfect response

Sounds odd to me! He got hurt defending/fighting about this woman but saw you and decided he’s made a mistake???

Why on earth did you go to the hospital with your children? How old are they?

The decision is all yours and aside from his disgusting behaviour previously I’d seriously question the foundation of this sudden change of mind.

The MIL is not relevant at all.

You have coped without him and his community penis for some time now. What can he really offer you that will wipe his slate clean. You are worth much more than taking someone like this back into your life as are your children:

Hell no

Oh good lord. He’s in hospital after getting into a fight over his bit on the side then comes crying to you because he feels sorry for himself. Has she dumped him? I bet he’s had a wake up call, he’s blown it all around. What an absolute arse.

Say no, repeatedly until he gets the message. He’s made his bed etc etc.and tell his mum to get lost, she doesn’t get an opinion on this. It’s not her marriage.

I wonder if the man who beat him up was the OWs DH/ DP and did the OW stay with your DH or go back to him? I'd want to know if she's still about, if not of course he wants to come back.
Don't let him mess you and your DC about Op, a man who walks away once will do it again

Community penis 😂😂😂