To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

Why do you let your husband control what you do? Go for a walk on your own. Though lucking you wake them up past 8

Can you shower before bed on the previous day and on the weekend get dressed quickly, brush your teeth and go out first thing in the morning? Also how do you get ready if you’re supposed to work on a weekend? Surely your partner copes with it somehow?

Can you meet a friend for a walk at the weekend? I often do that on a Saturday and really enjoy it.

DH likes watching TV and I am happy to join him for an hour or so in the evening, but wouldn't want to do it during that day.

I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy

It's as noisy as you make it. Less so if you get all your clothes etc ready the night before.

You're not helpless in this scenario. Just get up, dressed and go out!

Stop tip toeing around and make plans.

You speak to DP and tell him weekends can’t only be on his terms so there will be compromises going forward. Talk about what matters to both of you and hash out the compromises.

If you can’t do that then there’s more wrong with your relationship than mismatched weekends.

This is just silly. Just leave clothes out and take yourself out for a walk or breakfast. Shower when you get back.

You need to take control!

doesn’t like you using the en-suite? Pop an outfit in the main bathroom the night before and head out. You are being considerate (some would say too considerate!) but not putting his needs above your own. So what if he wants to do things together? He’s welcome to join you heading to the farmers market/park/ coffee shop at 8.30am.

don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. He’s definitely not putting your needs first, so don’t reciprocate.

Firmly, but kindly, let him know you’ll be leaving at 8.30am. Or let him know you’ll be popping out for a walk sometime in the morning, but happy to do jobs after lunch etc etc. he will soon get the message that you won’t be walked all over.

My DH and DC are night owls, in the morning I do stuff by myself or groups (eg parkrun, group fitness classes).

I agree, take control.

What jobs need doing? Can they wait? Or do them and if he wakes, then that’s his problem.

Alternatively, Can you plan a day each, so on Saturday you do what you want, and Sunday he’s in control. So on Saturday, you all get up and go out to the Fsrners market, leaving the house at 10am, and on Sunday you have an ‘in’ day when the jobs get done, gardening etc.

Weekends aren’t a disappointment, your husband is. Stop being such a sap and do things independently of what he likes, you are a wife not a servant.

Same situation here but I just get ready and out anyway. Your dp can surely put up with you getting ready even if it’s a little noisy! Earplugs?

Can you go out early for a walk? I'd also leave the jobs to dh if he's that insistent they be done ASAP. I'd honestly just do what I wanted. You have a difficult job and you should get to do what you like (within reason) at the weekend imo

Go for that walk, flush that en suite toilet, don't watch that box-set. Do what works for you, rather than trying to please everyone else - been there, done that, gave the t-shirt to a charity shop, and walked 😀

Nah I'm not wasting a whole morning in fear of waking them up. Parkrun was mentioned above that's a great shout, and you'll instantly feel better having done something by 10am Saturday morning. You can get back for them getting up and you'll feel better about yourself and can crack on with the rest of the day.

I'd definitely be doing your local parkrun for a starter

I still sleep like a teenager, I'd sleep until 10am every day if I could. But if I actually genuinely need it, I'll sleep through any noise / go back to sleep if disturbed. So while crashing around with saucepans in the kitchen would be unnecessary I don't think having a shower or cleaning the bathroom are completely off limits.

Just do your own thing then...I go out all the time at weekends without DH to do things I want to do and vice versa. Then sometimes we do stuff together. I also certainly wouldn't be creeping round the house unable to do anything because they're still in bed.

Just get up, get dressed and go out! Go out for a walk, drive to a car boot sale, head off to a lake/forest/beach. Stop being a martyr. If you wake up DP so what, he'll either get up or roll over and go back to sleep. Life is too short.

I am an early riser and DH isn’t at all - he also has a very busy job with longer hours and more stress than me so I respect that this is how he rests. Like you, I am usually awake by 6.30/7am. I relish the peace - have a coffee, scroll through mumsnet etc before ever day starts.

Why don’t you use the “free time” to go for a walk, meet a friend for coffee/breakfast, jog or whatever suits you. You have 5 hours to do what you want before everyone gets up.

Or do the non-noisy clearing - dust, put a load of washing on etc. When you DH wakes he can vacuum and do the other noisy stuff.

You obviously need a word with your DP as others have said. He doesn’t rule the roost and a compromise needs to be found.
However I would also look to own your Saturday mornings and go do something on your own with your early start - gym or hiking for example.

You’re making this harder for yourself. Get up and brush your teeth etc when you first wake, have your clothes already In a pile outside the bedroom and get yourself ready and go for a nice walk, to a coffee shop, swimming, meet a friend etc.

Communicate with your partner about your frustrations and come to a compromise. Saturday is for doing something as a family and Sunday is for pottering about the house and getting jobs done.

Start makings plans not just moping about feeling sorry for yourself.

You have a DP problem!

Buy DH some sleep earplugs and live your life.

I'd be off down the local coffee shop early, get out and enjoy the day and aim to come home for lunch for a check in to see what everyone else is doing. If they're all watching TV then I'd be off out again.

Just get up and do whatever you want to do. I really don't see why you can't do that. He's not entitled to dictate everything on his terms.

You’re making this significantly harder than it needs to be. Get up, get dressed, go for a walk