To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

There are so many "walking groups", National Trusts, and I am sure friends who like to walk. If walking is your thing, there's 0 need to wait for your husband. There are so many ways to organise things at the weekend that you enjoy, and possibly even meeting new friends in the process.

You can go alone, but if you prefer company, there are ways! Nothing stops you to go away for the weekend - then you won't even be around for chores, win win

Indeed…

OFGS

Takes 2 minutes.

Or keep a spare set of toiletries in there. You have to get clothes out anywhere

Stop pandering to the rest of the family (especially on Saturdays) and don't make a fuss about nothing

This. Can’t believe how much a martyr the OP is, meek and low confidence when she is a doctor. Just quietly get dressed! Do what you want, we’re only here once!

You can still do jobs whilst they sleep. There's no way id tip toe around my home. Also as others have suggested go for a walk or nip to the shops. Also who made your dp boss, he doesn't tell you what you can do. Let him do the jobs

Shower night before, do teeth/ face/ hair in downstairs loo (assuming you have one), go out anyway. I love car boot sales and they run from about 6am on weekend mornings in the summer, or if that's not your thing go swimming/ the gym/ go for a walk/ go out for a treat breakfast and read the weekend newspaper etc. 3 hours of alone time on weekend mornings sound like an absolute gift.

Equally, OP could go to bed later and get up later. Neither way is more correct than the other (although arguably OP is in a minority in her household).
But really, the whole morning things is such a non-issue. There are very simple solutions to this.

Get your clothes ready each night before you go to bed. So for your working week and for the weekend so your mornings become less frantic.

The evenings are lighter & longer now so I'd divide the weekend jobs over the week. You can all do a bit of gardening, set the washing machine on timer to hang out in the mornings, ditto the dishwasher, online shopping deliveries to be delivered in the evenings, house admin, regular cleaning before bed = less housework in the weekends.

Asign every family member a job each evening to lighten the load, there's no need for you to be martyring yourself unless you enjoy doing so.

All of these things can be done an hour each evening to free up your weekends. I do this and I also work f/t in a demanding job and manage to make time to go out each weekend.

Of course choosing to stay in bed until 9am is a luxury.

If you don't want to be disturbed, wear earplugs and an eye mask, or play white noise - don't expect your entire household to sit in silence to accommodate your preferences.

If you work lates/nights or are unwell, that's different, of course, but if DH told me not to vacuum at 9am because it woke him up, I'd think he was batshit, frankly.

That is just silly.

You're a doctor FGS!

You surely spend your entire life making life or death decisions and being organised (I'd hope!)

And you say you can't get your head round putting a towel etc in the other bathroom the night before?

More like you don't want to.

You’re a doctor! I’m sure someone organised enough to make it through medical training can apply those skills to putting an outfit in the main bathroom! Take control of your weekends and do the things you enjoy, life is too short for this!

well done you, do you feel superior for being up at 7? Is that the best you can come up with? 😂
You are in bed at 10pm every night? Lucky you, if you have no job and no child and the luxury not to have anything to do in the evening 😂

8 or 9am IS early, and flipping rude to wake up everyone to show them how amazingly early you are.

In my home, if I can sleep until 11am, I bloody well will. If I want to get up at 5am for a run, I do that too... So does my DH.

It's so bloody unattractive to insist on waking up early to do the dusting and hoovering at the weekend, that's not a lfie.

Just go about your day, there's no reason at all to tiptoe around your bloke or allow him to dictate how you spend your time.
Why is it stressful to pick clothes?

don't expect your entire household to sit in silence to accommodate your preferences

Or in this case, OP is expecting the whole household to bend to her preferences when they would prefer to sleep in.

Oh come off it. Nobody will die if your skirt dosen't really go with your top. How do you manage to get to work on time? How do you manage to do a difficult job in which there are actual consequences if you make a mistake?

If only I could sleep til 7am on a weekend. But noise nuisance neighbours 🙄 having friends over and making a rammy through the night.

@TellMeWhyIHateSundays
I am still curious what you do on the Saturdays when you extra shifts just to get out of the house? When/where do you shower? How do your sort your clothes out for the shift?
Can you not do the same for your non-working Saturdays?

Just keep some in the main bathroom so you always have the option

He's not your boss!

No, she's not. She's the one sitting in silence so she doesn't disturb them.

She's also being ridiculous not to just get up, shower and go out IMO. No way would I be wasting my weekends doing nothing while everyone else slept.

I don't prioritise my housework over people, I am not a wifey from the 50s.
I am also organised and try to avoid any housework and chores at the weekend, I squeeze things during the week between my job and my kids - and my hobbies.

Life is too short to look back at weekends and reflect on your amazing hoovering skills frankly.

I would fail as a mother if my daughters were so obsessed and limited by housework, and I am a clean-freak, my house is always visitor ready! Probably why I don't need to waste my weekends on it.

Not RTFT but if you are doing weekend shifts then you;'ll be waking them when you get up and ready .

If your DH wants time together then why not both book a day of A/L and say this is our planned day , no housework . And do something .

Goodness, your update puts a whole different slant on this. The issue is not that you can’t get showered and dressed early at the weekend: it’s that you want your family to wake when you do. In your position I’d keep towels etc for myself in a bag in the bedroom and simply pick it up when I got out of bed, shower, dress and head off out.

Would happily sack off the hoovering and housework!!! But if it needs doing (and my DP has higher standards than me!) I’d rather do it either first thing in the morning or in the evening so we can enjoy the day time.

The other issue with going out first thing in the morning is of course I don’t know what time DP will wake - so hard to time my return. DP doesn’t really do solitude or time to themself so doesn’t like it if they’re home alone in a weekend. DD doesn’t count because once she’s awake she’ll be online with her friends! We’ve also got onto the habit where I bring DP coffee when awake - so again I need to be home.

PS - DP is a woman. And I’m a man.

I don't "prioritise my housework over people" - I vacuum daily as we have four animals who shed, and I would rather get it out of the way so I can enjoy the rest of my day. It only takes me five minutes, if that. If DH is bothered by the noise, he can always wear earplugs or vacuum before he comes to bed.

If you think that's being "obsessed and limited by housework" then I'm not sure what to say, really! I had everything done by 8.30 this morning and now have the rest of the day to do whatever I fancy.

Is there more to this OP? I’m struggling to believe that as an intelligent woman who is in a job where you need to be assertive is being so passive. Are you scared of your husband? Would he be upset if you got up and went out?

if you’re not scared then you need to just live your own life. I’m up before my husband and kids and I just go out for walks, runs or whatever. I just be as quiet as I can. I don’t shower before I walk I’ll do that later in the day.