To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

You sound like a guest in your own house. It’s reminding me of when the in laws visit and my partner makes us all tip toe around for fear of waking them!

If your family aren’t able or willing to adapt to make a fulfilling weekend then you need to create your own. Not being able to wash or dress until they’re up is completely ridiculous. If they ‘need’ to sleep until 10am they they must also cope with you being allowed to live a normal life in the mornings before they wake. Of course you should be able to shower and dress and do things or go out. Either they cope with the noise or they use earplugs/ snoozebands or similar.

Then, you build a morning (or day/ weekend) routine. Hobbies, walks, activities, friends, exercise, books, coffee, baking, whatever.

I would also talk to your family about making proper family time. Even if just a weekend a month when you all get up and go out or do something together. You want a family and not a house share!

Parkrun. Leave clothes on the landing or downstairs. A quick banana and drink before you set off will be enough. You'll meet lots of lovely people, get in a walk/run and feel like you achieved something. You can shower and have a proper breakfast once you're back, by which time dh will be getting up.

💯

I mean yanbu to want more from a partner? It's fine having different interests and priorities but there needs to be compromise so everyone enjoys their weekend. Are you allowed to go out by yourself? It's a serious question. If the answer is no or the flak means its not worth doing it then I think the issue is your relationship not your weekends.

Tell your selfish partner that whilst you respect his wishes to sleep in and use his spare time in front of the TV that’s not what precious weekends are about for you. You’re an intelligent individual, plan your weekend, stop being a doormat, and take control of your life, because if you don’t you’ll become angry and resentful.
It’s enough that your working week is ruled and time managed, you don’t need it when you walk through the door of your home as well. You deserve better!
On a final note, to yourself and all the other NHS doctors and staff, a massive thank you 👏🏻

@OhHellolittleone
’don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm’ - what a great expression. I’ve never heard it before

I get it OP … although I am usually the one rolling over in bed !
I am a doctor and we are all inherent people pleasers …
Start prioritising yourself… little rebellions all add up .

What? Get ready - your husband will have to tolerate a certain amount of noise of you are using the shower and getting ready.

Its not unreasonable and then go out do your own thing. I am not an early riser late morning esp if up early all week. Even if they sleep until lunch the day is not wasted or one day have a lazy catch up day and do something other day.

Get up when you want on Saturday mornings, and spend your time doing what you want to do.

If you need to use a bathroom, either use the one that's not en-suite (and I'm wondering why you wouldn't just keep basic things like soap and other 'toiletries' already in there?), or be quiet, or give your DP some earplugs.

If you want to go out, do that. It's healthy for your DP to have some alone time. If they want to accompany you, they need to wake up earlier.

And if their idea of fun/ weekend activity is to do some household chores, they can get on with them. If it's so important that these get done before the family can ever go out together at the weekend, maybe they should be scheduled earlier (eg Friday pm).

IF you truly want to indulge those lie ins forever and keep a quiet home in the mornings then don't waste your life waiting for them

Get out of the house - bike ride, swim, Pilates, running, read a book in the park
, walk with a podcast.

Or do quiet chores like meal prep and ironing.

Or leave the loo wit its contents in if he doesn't want to hear a flush

@Waitfortheguinness

”maybe” leave something out to brush teeth?? Errr definitely, she can’t go out without cleaning her teeth 🤢

Where's the give and take? Seems like you always have to do what DP wants. I'd say stick it I'm going out to enjoy the good weather, you want to stay in you do the housework!

Haha fair enough I don’t have an en suite so just grab clothes which is literally always a jumper, top, leggings or joggers so doesn’t take me long or much thought!

I'm an early riser - have been since childhood. 5.30 - 6am. I value the early weekend time as 'my time'. I can read, do some quiet gardening, even take the car to the beach and have a walk. A bike ride. Always in public places - don't feel safe these days going for early walks to secluded places like local woods. Are there early morning group activities - walks, gym classes?
Jobs - could you outsource? A Friday cleaner? We did this a few years ago and never regretted. Even ironing can be outsourced - recent laundry from a big tour holiday returned pristine on hangers. Would have taken at least a day. I think of it as buying your own time.
In terms if what to do at weekends - sounds like you don't plan but rather play it by ear.
Look at specific activities- what would involved - e.g. a drive to a beauty spot - country house - beach - lunch - exploring - how long would it take? What time would you all like need to leave? An incentive to get up. Would DC abstain giving you and DH more time? Woukd DH abstain giving you and DC some time together? Planning a day on the day is exhausting. Doesnt have to be all of you all the time. Try to find interesting stuff.

This situation would drive me mad. So it's okay for them to live their best lives at the weekend but not you?

Buy them both some quality ear-plugs, get yourself ready and go out. If they wake up they can always go back to sleep.

I had that attitude from my next door neighbours. They are regularly having guests over on Saturday nights 6pm until 2am. You can hear their noise all through the party wall of laughter and talking loudly all through the night...when approached to ask them to quieten it down they said "can you not wear ear plugs?"

🙄

Ongoing dispute with local authority.

So you can get ready for work on a weekend thats not disturbing but you cant get ready for a day out? Huh? Makes little sense.

Don't use the ensuite simple. The night before place items into the main bathroom.

He/She sounds controlling. Thats a very depressive state to live in. I used to live with others who startes the day it 10am and finished with breakfast at 12. But no way did anyone force me to do as they do. I always woke up at 7 as used to it for work and enjoyed my week end. Shopoing and breakfast done by 9:30am and the whope day to go out or start a project at homr.

Yeah I am in the same position. I get up early on sat morning and we all go seaside stay in hotel sat night and I couldn’t cope with anything else. No way could I waste my weekends !

Late to this thread but I have my stuff in both our bathrooms so I’m ready to use either. Double up and you’re golden for this.

Because Im not organised enough to arrange moving the towels and toiletries to the main bathroom the night before!

Seriously?! Buy a few toiletry bits and an extra towel for the other bathroom!

Get up at 7, breakfast and go for a walk for an hour and a half and be back for 10. Your partner can surely entertain themselves for half an hour if they happen to get up and you're not back.

Your weekends are disappointing, but you have the power to change this all by yourself 😂

Apparently this is a minority view, but I find having Sunday as the chores day helps with the flow of the weekend. As to the time of day, they can't have it both ways; dictating when the chores should be purely on their schedule. I'm the late riser in my relationship, and I would feel I'm being unfair if this impacts my partner's day to this extent.
I suppose a workaround would be for you to do what chores you can whilst others are sleeping and then whatever the other(s) need to do can be done when they're up.

Why is he dictating your weekend? Make plans and do them by yourself. Or make plans together and if he doesn’t get up and out he gets left behind.

I feel the same sometimes and I think it is really easy ti fall into the trap of wishing the week away and then feeling anxious almost to make the most of time off at weekends.
My husband also likes to sleep in and has very different interests to me. I think you are being too considerate and not prioritising your own needs which is resulting in some resentment towards your partner.

If I were you I would find a way, it is in your power to change things to ensure thst you enjoy your weekend time. Mix things up, do what you want, you don't have to spend every moment together and you certainly don't have to be available for coffee duty. It's lovely and very kind of you but not essential.
Also, I know it sounds trite but gratitude journalling has really helped me, I have recently become unwell, waiting for surgery and not able to do alot of the things that I like to do and it had really given me back a sense of perspective on terms of how important small things are in my happiness.
Good luck - I'd love to know how you get on

I assume your partner also works full time if you both do jobs together around the house on the weekend? Could you afford a cleaner once a week on a friday so this is taken care of before the weekend?

Of course you don't want to wake them up by hoovering or whatever but come on, of course you can get up, brush your teeth, put on some clothes and go out in till midday when they are both up? All this nonsense about her not wanting to be alone and having to make her coffee when she wakes up! Get a grip!

Personally I would choose one weekend day for sleeping late/mooching around the house/cleaning/chores and one day you all go out and do something.