To be disappointed by weekends

[TellMeWhyIHateSundays]

Every week I look forward to the weekend - yet everytime it’s a disappointment. I have a busy job (NHS doctor) so not much time to do anything in the week. Due to my early starts I’m still awake and up by 7am most weekends. The rest of the family (DP and DD15) are still asleep and prob won’t surface tlll gone 10. Im already bored. DP is a light sleeper so I can’t do anything that makes noise incase I disturb them.
By the time they’ve woken and sorted themselves it’s nearly noon. Then we have to do all the jobs that can’t be done whilst DP is asleep. I’d happily leave them till the evening and enjoy the day - but DP is insistent they must be done first. By this time it’s too late to make the most of the nice weather. I can’t even go out for a walk or activity whilst they’re asleep as getting ready, using the en-suite etc is too noisy.

Tgats the other thing. We both have busy lives and my way to relax is to get out and enjoy fresh air. But DP’s is to watch Tv. I don’t even really like much TV and especially not when it’s sunny outside! But DP is very keen that we do things together. So I end up sat on the sofa watching repeats of a box set I didn’t enjoy first time.

So Sunday comes round and I feel frustrated again I’ve wasted the weekend when there’s lots of things (simple things like going for a walk) that I wish I’d done.

Ive started volunteering for extra weekend shifts at work because it’s more interesting than staying at home

AIBU to want more from a weekend?

Well, that's a you problem then.

Either you want to make changes, or you don't. People on this thread have given you lots of encouragement, wise words and not to mention a few home truths. Whether you choose to act on them, that's up to you.

Oh come on OP. I had mild sympathy with your first post but that's pathetic. If you really have to buy an extra bottle of shower gel and a towel to be left in there. If you actually care about this enough to moan on MN, then take a little bit of pro-activity here. This isn't about reorganising logistics it's about you actually making your DP realise you are an equal person to him and he can't have it all his own way. You sound so passive.

people are allowed to SLEEP.

It's fair to be let to sleep in at the weekend. It's normal to be as respectful of others at 3am when you come home from a party or at 10am on a Sunday.

I have been teaching my kids to be quiet and let me sleep since they were 5 yo! Play or read quietly, and no-noise until the gro-clocks turns to sun is a thing. (acceptable time varying depending on their age, obviously) Why shouldn't we give them the same respect?

But if someone wants to do chores before going out (I'd do them on Saturdays and go out on Sunday personally) also fine to leave them to it and do something else.

So get organised.

And stop letting your husband control what you do.

I know. It's depressing.

Just go out and get on with your day! Leave a list of jobs to be done and go for a walk. On your own. Stop letting others rule your life. You have a busy week so take control of your weekend. You can have family time after 12pm.

I don’t tiptoe around but at the same time don’t start hoovering etc until 9am

if everybody is happy, that's absolutely fine.

I would however seriously consider divorcing my husband if he started hoovering at 9am when I am asleep.

This is a doctor? 🫤

You're an intelligent, functioning woman. Either you can make changes to your life, or continue as you are, frustrated and unhappy.
I suspect there's more going on here, and you will need to have conversations with your husband about your family life, and how you can all feel happy and relaxed.
Extra shifts? I'm guessing as a GP you would do the out of hours work, or a walk in centre? Does this make you more fulfilled than being at home?
There are a lot of issues here.

I think you just need to plan what you want to do and tell DP that's what you're doing.

My DH is a light sleeper. I still do the dishes, run the washing machine, clean. I just don't do the vacuuming. He occasionally complains but I'm not going to tiptoe around in my own house after 8am. If your DP wants to do activities with you all the time, he at least needs to compromise and do what you want to do half the time.

I definitely think you should respect your partner and daughter sleeping in on a weekend, but not to the complete detriment of yourself.

So no hoovering or banging stuff around at 7am, perhaps using the en-suite shower comes into that if it’s noisy - but getting up, getting quietly dressed and quietly going out is something your DH will just have to suck up.

Buy another shampoo and tooth brush and put them in the other bathroom with a different towel? Or just shower when you get back?

I’m more the DH in your scenario. Sunday is my only lie in day (although I get up before DH every week day and manage to not disturb him too much). The family don’t deliberately wake me, but life still happens and I don’t demand absolute silence until 10am!

I'm similar, anaesthetic st7, partner would lounge in bed all morning. I get up dressed (leave my clothes outside the bedroom as I do on work days) brush teeth on route to kitchen (3 floors), I do the food shop at lidl as soon as they open at 8 to avoid the crowds, gym class 945 sat, 9 Sunday then he's awake when I'm back. If it's decent weather I try to get us out then he can watch TV in the evening (I tend to do work qi/my msc essay/revise for cons interviews then).

we have got national trust membership to make exploring cheaper

Can you outsource chores? Cleaner? (I've always hated the idea but now see it as buying myself an extra hour of free time)

I'm about to buy this book https://amzn.eu/d/gEAn9Bu as I feel like I'm just existing through life

Ok but if what Op is doing is within reason to go about her business then she should be allowed to do it. I don’t say my dh can’t do his ablutions at night because it wakes me. I will go back to sleep. The OP’s dh will go back to sleep. There should be respect on both sides.

I'm another who's saying it's only as complicated as you make it going out in the morning for a beautiful walk...

I'm the light sleeper in our household... My DH is the 6 am riser. He's got his cycle clothes downstairs in the sitting room, slips into them and is off for a lovely long 2 hour bike ride before I've even woken. And he doesn't shower, etc until after it .. if he wants to brush his teeth, he does it discreetly in the kitchen sink with a mug of water... Not a big sacrifice for us both to have what we enjoy

IMO the person who wants to sleep in needs to wear earplugs, not expect the entire household to sit in silence to accommodate them.

Agree. Use the ensuite for goodness sake. He'll roll over and go back to sleep.

I often meet a friend for a dog walk (hers we don't have one) on a Sunday morning. That shouldn't be contentious.

Agree with this. Or alternatively, if your partner ‘insists’ that jobs are done before anything else, why don’t you insist that he gets up at 7am with you to get started on them.

As for sitting watching TV that you are not interested in, this is your life too and you have every right to spend that time doing something you enjoy. My husband is a TV addict, and I hate the TV and never watch it, no way would I feel obliged to sit there with him for hour upon hour.

want? NEED to sleep. It's a not luxury.

I can't believe how people are so inconsiderate, and how cleaning has to take priority over family members. It's always cleaning as well, makes me cringe when it's always women who insist on cleaning. We have other hobbies than housework, haven't we?

Being noisy at 8 or 9am is flipping rude.

If it works in their relationship, it's not my problem, I wouldn't put up with a partner showing so little respect for me.

I'm really shocked by your post @TellMeWhyIHateSundays

You're a super smart woman, (probably top 2% of the population) qualified as a dr, so you stuck at your arduous training, yet you're allowing your family to treat you like a doormat.

Just get on with what you want to do.

I'd say sod being quiet so your DH and son can fester in bed till 10 and their day doesn't start till noon.

And I'd not be dictated to by your DH and when the chores are done.

You're being bullied, albeit quietly and more like passive aggression.

If you were a man I'd say grow some balls, but do the equivalent as a woman.

I would say:

• get some nice athleisure wear specially for the weekends. Store it in a special place that is easily accessible on a weekend without waking anyone up. Choose some nice stuff that feels a bit special, so you are happy to wear it and feeling comfortable
• at the weekend, get up, put those special clothes on and go straight out for your walk. Even if it's only 30 minutes round the neighborhood it will feel good; can also choose longer walks to suit your preference
• cone back, do breakfast for yourself, then have shower etc. By that time, should be close enough to when everyone else is waking up to not being a bother
• when you wash your weekend clothes, put them straight back in their special place - that way, the task of prepping them is folded into the washing/tidying task, not an extra thing on Friday night.

Other options for the morning activity can of course also work, like parkrun or a gym class + shower at the gym afterwards, or going out for breakfast. But the key thing is to minimize the work and decisions making needed on a Saturday morning around getting ready, so that it feels as routine as getting up for work.

Your DH sounds both boring and controlling, which is a very bad combination!

But I don’t understand how you can get up and get ready for work, but not get up and go out for a walk or a day trip by yourself. If you want to go out, just go out.

Oh come on.

I'm up around 7am every day.

The DP should go to bed earlier if he needs a full 8 hours and can't bear to be woken by 8 or 9am.

Your husband wants to be left undisturbed; you want to get ready. So, you stay quiet and don't get ready.

He wants to do jobs before leaving the house; you want to head out first. So, you do the jobs and delay leaving.

Why does his preference always take priority over yours? Why do you act as if your needs matter less?

There's nothing morally wrong with waking up late, but there is a problem with expecting things to always go your way. So why does your husband believe things should always go his way?

Get dressed. Go out. Live your life.

If he complains, tell him: one day a week, things go your way; one day a week, they go his. That's fair.

Don't be a doormat.

Get used to doing stuff on your own. And stop tiptoeing round your own house.

I would not be able to get back to sleep and, crucially, there is absolutely no need for either to be put out in the morning.