AIBU - siblings at parties!

[Cat345]

AIBU to think it's outrageous to bring a sibling to a party and then put them on the table to eat with all the kids that were actually invited. Then take cake and party bag for them!? I would never do this but I don't know if I'm being mean about it.

I feel it’s better for kids to do things separately- if I was the invitee I might be annoyed my sibling came to MY friends parties!
Yes it’s totally rude. And I’d be reluctant to say yes even if they did ring in advance and offer to pay. Many places have limits, the sibling is not a friend of the party girl/boy.
Most of the time parties are at the weekend and hopefully the other parent can look after the siblings. If not I’d be looking around for a play date the sibling can go to or see if I could drop and leave my child at the party.

Notice the word 'most'.

It's still going to be awkward and maybe a but unpleasant, though, when the extra child is told that there's no food for them.

Maybe the parent will happily order and pay - although the food may well not come out at the same time then - but a lot of the entitled parents who expect an invitation to one of their children to include all of their children will get funny about the host parent not magically enabling the siblings to have a meal too; or what if they don't have any money with them or can't afford to pay for the sibling's meal(s)?

Even if the parent does instantly jump in to order and pay for the extra child(ren)'s food, they've still gatecrashed a party to which at least one of their children wasn't invited. If it's a group of kids who all regularly play together, then there's an extra child - who may be quite a different age - whom only one of the party children knows, it's still going to be awkward.

It's still assuming that somebody else will supervise your child, though; and not easy if they're very little and they get upset if their own parent isn't there with them.

If it's at a soft play we usually take the sibling but pay them in and buy them a meal separately. No expectation of cake/party bag.
If it's something else e.g. there was a science party on a hall last weekend, I wouldn't dream of it.

Urgh I hate this. I feel put on the spot and have had parents drop and run leaving both children - including a child I don’t know - with me so they are my responsibility.

I think the whole asking to bring siblings along is so cheeky and unreasonable. If every child invited to the party did so you would be doubling the amount of food etc that you’d need!

If you can’t find childcare for the other sibling do a drip and go for the party or trade off with another parent at the party and take it in turns to take the two children who are invited and the other parent stays home with the two younger siblings.

Maybe we are all just lucky round here. I've never been at a party where there wasn't a few people happy to temporarily supervise other children, have done so myself. Siblings older than the birthday child are therefore covered at a soft play, children younger are generally only babies or toddlers so aren't sitting down at the table anyway.

I have never been at a party where siblings were any issue at all. And yes that includes 3 village hall style and 2 softplay ones that I've hosted.

Yes, some kids do care, you are being entitled and you are teaching them to disrespect other people's boundaries. The good thing is it'll come and bite you. Decent people will always stay away from people like you and in many cases inviting you will be the mistake people will make only once.

Don't forget to bring them to your work Christmas party too or the next childfree wedding. Why should you teach them to gatecrash just your kids classmates parties (people that don't matter to you) when there are plenty other opportunities to maximise one's enjoyment. Most people see bullies like this for what they are from a mile off. And kids taught to be that self absorbed are never happy.

Yes that's why they'd have to ask if possible to drop them - the parent running the party may not be able to supervise them.

This post perfectly illustrates the point that CF's are frequently so entitled and lacking in basic self-awareness that they simply do not have the capacity to recognise that there is anything wrong with their behaviour.

I'd argue it's also entitled to not pay for exclusive use of a party venue and to get upset if non-parity guests play to use the same venue.

I’m with you @OP.When I throw a party I always invite siblings if I know parent may struggle for childcare.
Ive been FUMING with my ex husband for taking two extra children when only one of our three is invited. I think I’m slowly getting through to him.

What actually is wrong with someone taking their child to a public soft play and paying for them to enter as normal while their sibling is in a different bit of it at a party?

Been said a million times.

Only with loads of caveats and imagined issues where the siblings will be demanding access to the party room and food or not playing by themselves. Which in my experience have never been the least issue. They get bought a separate meal and the siblings go off and play.

It's ridiculous to expect to book a party in a place open to the public and be offended when other people come who are paying their own way.

Why is it so important to you that all your children attend every party that only one of them is invited to?
You can take them both to soft play together literally any other weekend.

It's noone else's business when and where people choose to bring their children to soft plays that are open to the public.

It isn't. I've not done it myself but I have had siblings at a couple of soft play parties I've hosted and it never occurred to me to be annoyed by it or even vaguely register it as odd.

Do you bulldoze your way through all aspects of your life like that?
It must make you really popular.

I don't see how paying for a child to go to a soft play that's open to the public and buying them a sandwich at the cafe equates to bulldozing my way through life.

This used to drive me mad. I was a single mum and multiple families used to do this and expect their kids to get food and goodies too. When you're doing it on a budget it gets bloody difficult. This is a totally new thing, I used to love getting invited to parties as a kid! As the eldest it was one of the only things I got to do without having to take my younger siblings 🤣

I always invite parents to do this as I think it must be pretty tough having to juggle kids in different locations. I'm also soft son would hate any child to miss out on cake and party bags etc. The more the merrier for us.

Nope, the families that used to do this to me were wealthy 2 parent families. Sorry to say it's just entitlement