AIBU - siblings at parties!

[Cat345]

AIBU to think it's outrageous to bring a sibling to a party and then put them on the table to eat with all the kids that were actually invited. Then take cake and party bag for them!? I would never do this but I don't know if I'm being mean about it.

It's a public place. Your rage about this is dripping off your comment. Unclench, it's a kids party 🤷🏼‍♀️

If I have to take younger sibling too, and it’s a soft play style party, I just pay on the door and older one goes into party room with her friends whilst I’ll play/eat with younger sibling in main area. I would feel very awkward about asking for siblings to be catered for!

I think this is also rude. You’re putting the hosting parent in a shitty position; if both children were invited then they’d both get an invite. Statistically you’re not going to be the only single parent at the party, so how many extra children end up being hosted?!

Wow this one has run and run today!

Parties have changed over time:

’90s weekday party- Child from age 5 who’s party it was got collected with school with 5 friends. They were taken to their home by their Mum, possibly with Nana/Auntie/another Mum helping, They played party games, ate tea, sang happy birthday. They all got collected at 6pm. Absolutely no parents stayed and absolutely no siblings attended, ever.

Nowadays-

Host’s perspective- I don’t want to host at home because children are poorly behaved/I can’t fit all the parents and uninvited siblings in. I don’t live near my extended family and have nobody to help manage this. I’m forced to pay an already extortionate cost for a soft play package. I’m then forced to deal with all the awkwardness around uninvited siblings and feel caught out that I don’t have enough party bags for siblings I had no idea were even attending as they didn’t even ask me.

Guest’s perspective- I’d love to drop off, but I’m expected to stay, either because the host expects that or I don’t trust how my own and/or other people’s children will behave. My other half is at work/I’m a single parent/we got used to doing everything as a nuclear family during Covid. I have nobody else to leave my other child/ren with. It’s quite nice to chat to other parents as I don’t know anybody locally. We’re all here because it’s the weekend, and we are all driving together elsewhere for the rest of the day.

Gosh I wish I was parenting in the ‘90s! 😂Sooooooo much simpler all round!

Hopefully 2 presents were given to the birthday boy/girl as 2 guests attended.

@OutandAboutMum1821 if I could afford a family sized home at 90s prices rather than a tiny flat, I’d be hosting at home too!

Out its not just at home, if you host 5 kids at home, the parents still stay and some still expect to bring uninvited siblings. I made a comment above why do you need to stay and drag the siblings along when it's a garden party for a few kids and kids in something like year 2 so been through three years of school.
The culture of thinking of others is gone and it's all me me me.

I have always thought this too!! Unless you are really stuck for childcare, you shouldn't ask.

Tell me about it. I hosted a garden party for a small number, a couple did drop off but loads stayed. They all live a few mins walk away, had my number, but not good enough 😂 My Mum was like ‘why are the parents staying?!’ 😂

DH and I led all our own entertainment. I ended up leading a dance routine to Superman! By Blacklace (slightly obsessed with their tracks for parties!) in front of these parents 😂 to be fair, they were supportive and 1 said both my DH & I were in the wrong job and would be fab pro party entertainers, which was kind 😂

I think its fine as long as they check in advance and offer an option 'please can I either bring sibling or drop and go' and at least a few days in advance.
For my youngests 5th, I had 2 parents message me at 10 pm day before and 1am day of the party. And 1 of these was a total cf - their older children ate at least 8 of the themed party cupcakes between them before food was even served, so them some of DD's friends didn't get one and the mum just watched and laughed 'well they are growing boys' and went crazy on bouncy castle and hurt younger children. They never got invited again!

Well, no, the present and it's value in inverse proportion to the parent's entitled behaviour.
Guaranteed they'll be the ones with the most thoughtless cheapest present if any at all.

Most people are completley understanding of the fact names are on invites and in each class there is usually only 1 or 2 like this and they get known for that and the invites will dry up. As you can see their cases of cheeky fuckery are so severe they just cannot get their head around why it's wrong.

Those same people will be extremely polite and will not dream of bringing uninvited siblings to the parties of kids whose mums they are friends with or where they see social climbing opportunities for themselves.

So it's not always innocent and naive. Far from it. They are typically bullies in others ways and push their way in otherwise too but like all bullies they'll be perfectly pleasant and kind to some people.

They are usually social climbing scum.

If it’s a public space like a soft play it’s fair enough to pay for your younger child to go into that public space, supervised by their parent, but not to join the party table or take a party bag. That’s cheeky! Their parents should buy food for them.

Obviously no siblings if it’s in the party child’s house or a private space.

The parents who say “they come as a package” are the worst re this.

We used to do traditional parties at home, with party games and home made food, and sometimes had a magician. The last party we had, all 10 invited guests turned up, and we acquired 6 siblings too. There was plenty of food, but we had to bring in the garden table and chairs so that everyone could sit down for tea. Some of the mothers stayed, didn’t help at all, and were really critical of the food - told me chocolate ganache made with chocolate and cream was far too rich for children, moaned about the sausages being halal, children don’t want to eat cucumber and raw pepper at a party, her child only drank sparkling water, etc etc. We didn’t have another party after that.

That’s awful - and thankfully more extreme than I’ve ever had the misfortune to experience.

You do find the CF parents noticeably pushing their CF children towards the party food etc though

How incredibly rude of your guests! I’m not surprised you didn’t want to host again. I always think what a lovely gesture it is if anyone invites me or my children to their home and prepares food for us, there is no need for anyone to be that ungrateful 🥲

Just don't ask unless you are absolutely stuck and then you could just decline, offer to drop and go or ask another staying parent to keep an eye.

Along with tens of other ways already mentioned that put the host out- entertainers have often a limit on numbers, whether is 12 or 30, and at some point some contracts terme require two entertainers or increase in fees if you go even one above the number.

Some places will just do 6 and that's It, etc. It's not the hosts obligation to run it by you and to explain it all to you.

With the poor manners in society, while many don't bother to reply to RSVP, and are unable to commit, you don't know how many will come till last minute, so if invited tbe whole class , and you are asking me about a spare kid, I'm above and that puts me in a shitty position of having two entertainers because of your kid in case all invited so come- the fact I won't have confirmed till last minute.
Same with hall 30 or 10 or 5 doesn't matter, they may be the limit for the hall and the parents.

You just don't know what arrangement the host has for their party and what contracts and suppliers in place so just accept that only the invitee is invited and don't push your way in putting the host in the awkward position of either having to apologise to you or explain what terms they booked.

Same with softplay. Some require you supervise the kid in the party, not the sibling in the corner if you do manage to keep them away.

It's rude to put the host in this position just because you don't understand how parties work. Just accept that they invited whom they invited and they had their reason. You can have a big and long party for all your kid's friends and their siblings and parents or carerss and grandparents including neighbours and the whole year at school. Just wait till it's your turn and I'm sure that's what you'll do, the open minded gregarious bringers of uninvited siblings.

I think it depends on the type of party. If it’s a whole class tie in a hall it’s not so bad and if not mind. If it’s a trampoline party with set places yes. Recently we had a mum ask to bring their elder son 12. It was a 7 yo party. I said no problem assumed it was a childcare issue. However then both parents came along and dropped both kids off and went car shopping. The brother then proceeded to wind up his little sister!!! I had a word with him but quite frankly I didn’t have time to parent them as I have to sort out the food! It was not described as a drop off party either.

You don't know this Beanie. They all have different terms. One hall with have a different contract and terms from the next. Same with trmpolinenpark or soft play. You do know whose name is on the invite so that's who you take (or not). Anything else is rude.

I've lost count of the number of times I've witnessed this at kids' parties. I'd never do this myself and think they've got a nerve.

We had a mum turn up late, after the food had been ordered, then park a sibling on the table opposite the birthday dc in a horse show arrangement. We had to lift him out of the way to do the birthday cake. It was incredibly rude as the invited dc was old enough to be left. She was quite a selfish, disrespectful person though generally.

Solo Parent so often take other child. Always pay and buy a meal that’s eaten separately.

There is someone in my son’s class who pulls this all time though - she has a husband and two grandparents who help but pleads poor me. She’s just had a third as well .

I hosted a birthday party yesterday for my DD (3) at a local village hall, 3 people turned up with an extra sibling without asking. I had made specific party bags, wrapped specific amount of layers for the pass the parcel etc. Made specific amounts of picnic boxes. I wouldn't have minded at all if they had asked me in advance, as I have had to do when I've worked and my DH has been left with my two and he's had to take both to parties. Not even bothering to ask is just beyond rude.

Did you have a bouncy castle or entertainer? Both will have limits on numbers.

Like I’ve had said about 4 times already on this thread!! They have only ever been invited to parties at soft play as they are still young. So yes I have asked if I can bring one and pay for their entry and any food they want there. It’s a public play area so any child can go

What does that have to do with what I've just said?