My DD is ultra strict and judges my past

[crackofdawnearly]

My DD is 21. She’s always be sensitive about me being anything other than her boring and safe mum and holding that ideal, which I’ve accepted and am in turn considerate of it as much as I can be. She has never liked knowing about going out clubbing when I was in my twenties or smoking or drinking. It’s not like I was wild, just a typical young person having a life, but it upsets her.

Tonight my DH and me were talking about the night we met and DH said something about my smoking back then and referenced the all night party I went to the following night. DD got upset again and stormed out the room. I went after her and we talked calmly for a bit about it and how she finds the thought of me partying upsetting and I gently tried to rationalise that I did exist before her and how I was was normal. It’s like she cannot accept I’m anything other than her mum. This shows itself in other areas too.

AIBU to think she should grow out of this?
or

AINBU and she needs to accept I’m more than her mum and was young once

Still didn't answer my questions.

You do realise everyone's experience of autism is different right? Just because you have autism does not mean you can judge someone else with autism.

That's not what I'm saying at all, I'm just tired of people throwing out the term neurodiversity as if that's the end of the issue when plenty of neurodiverse people are still capable of basic empathy and understanding and learning to be better people just like everyone else. It's demeaning and reductive.

Very good points here.

I rather your upbringing to mine.

Doesn't mean they should change for you because you want to be taken serious.

@twigtree

right, ok.

my answers to your two questions -

“Were they not a pair of drunks at the time?”

no, they weren’t. They sounds like a pair of typical uni students with an active social life that sometime involves alcohol.

“Can you show me where a diagnosis took place? Since when did calling someone a drunk constitute a diagnosis?”

the diagnosis took place when you called them “a pair of drunks” for meeting in the pub and enjoying a night out. To label someone as a drunk infers someone who has a problem with drinking, habitual, problematic drinking of alcohol ergo an alcoholic.

Happy??

It is fine for you to be tired of it but you were judging the OP's DD as extremely self centred. It is not your place to judge.

the diagnosis took place when you called them “a pair of drunks” for meeting in the pub and enjoying a night out. To label someone as a drunk infers someone who has a problem with drinking, habitual, problematic drinking of alcohol ergo an alcoholic.

This constitutes a diagnosis? I hope you do not work in the medical profession.

I was on an ND thread the other day that poster is right you can not pander. The person with ND will expect more and more. The op don't need to change.

She needs to get a grip

@twigtree

look, you were the one randomly and unfairly labelling people as “drunks” willy nilly, not me!

anyway, let’s move on…

OP, if you ask her why exactly it bothers her so much, what does she say?

Both DS and I are autistic and I do think she may be similar.

I'm ND and tell her that acting like little miss judgy pants is never going to get her any friends and neither is the trying to control someone's ways either.

It is not about pandering. Nobody said that. If the DD is ND then she needs a more tailored approach.

Nobody said pander.

You need to read all the OP's posts and then get a grip yourself.

You said I diagnosed and now you can't show it 😂

This is crap advice.

@twigtreemaybe the OP should have included all important details in the first post then 😊

OP can post however she wishes 😊

@twigtreeYeah she can .. but then you can’t moan when people only reply to the initial post asking for opinions 🤣

😂

@twigtree

you labelled people who you don’t even know unfairly and you know you did. Very judgemental of you.

You don't need to say it twice. If you read my post you would have read I was on another thread a parent was talking about her ND daughter. The advice was not to pander or it will get worse. The only approach that should be used with an adult is this is what it is or fuck off out of my house. She don't have to live there op is not responsible for her anymore.

Absolutely ignorant. How on earth i managed to survive as a SEN TA is incredible.