My DD is ultra strict and judges my past

[crackofdawnearly]

My DD is 21. She’s always be sensitive about me being anything other than her boring and safe mum and holding that ideal, which I’ve accepted and am in turn considerate of it as much as I can be. She has never liked knowing about going out clubbing when I was in my twenties or smoking or drinking. It’s not like I was wild, just a typical young person having a life, but it upsets her.

Tonight my DH and me were talking about the night we met and DH said something about my smoking back then and referenced the all night party I went to the following night. DD got upset again and stormed out the room. I went after her and we talked calmly for a bit about it and how she finds the thought of me partying upsetting and I gently tried to rationalise that I did exist before her and how I was was normal. It’s like she cannot accept I’m anything other than her mum. This shows itself in other areas too.

AIBU to think she should grow out of this?
or

AINBU and she needs to accept I’m more than her mum and was young once

Being religious is about non judgmental, understanding, love, peace and tolerance when done correctly - it does not sound like this is the case here. More a case of suspected ND.

Just because your autistic kids think it is hilarious that you were both drunks does not mean the OP's DD thinks the same.

Tongue lashing is not the appropriate response for suspected ND. There is something likely deeper going on.

It is not the case that ND is neither here or there,

Your ignorance is showing.

Yes, young people do seem very well behaved these days. I don't mean abstinence but just now excesses.

No not now.

Nobody says it was 🙄

But it does mean a more different tailored approach can be helpful.

Just because you are ND and do not feel that way about your mum does not mean every other ND person must think like you 🙄

You sound really ignorant.

Thank you.

From your first post I immediately thought ASD. If you go through all your posts you've literally listed every red flag in the book for what would have been diagnosed as Aspergers syndrome when that was still a thing. DS was diagnosed around secondary school age but girls are often even better at flying under the radar.

I wouldn't worry too much about her not wanting to hear about your past, just don't talk about it around her, I'm sure it's not really that hard! I would guess she probably just doesn't like to hear how you put yourself in what she might consider 'dangerous' situations or doing things that were bad for you - probably because she loves you so much and wants you to be around forever!

Please don't tell her to get a grip or any of those other horrible things from people who don't have a clue about ASD.

Try reading all of OPs posts fgs. It is not hard. How do you function in the real world if you can't even read the OPs posts without being all judgy and ignorant?

The amount of ignorance by some posters here is truly shocking and disgusting.

In my (personal experience) of neurodiverse children and from what you are saying, it sounds like you are very much her ‘safe space’ and she finds it hard to imagine you as flawed or vulnerable or doing anything risky that makes you seem less safe and stable.

Yes, it's extraordinary behaviour.

I agree that we all do not think alike and we are all affected in different ways, but I just didn't want ND to be blamed.

@twigtree

lol who do you think you are to diagnose this poster and his husband with alcoholism??

Where did I diagnose anybody lol?

@twigtree

calling then “drunks”. Pulling an all nighter at uni or whatever does not make a person “a drunk”.

Were they not a pair of drunks at the time?

Can you show me where a diagnosis took place? Since when did calling someone a drunk constitute a diagnosis?

Were they drunk when they met? how do you know? Are you basing that on the fact that they were in a pub or because they’d enjoyed a good night out the night before? @twigtree

You ignored both my questions.

Even if she is neurodiverse it would only be a half explanation, not an excuse and I say that as an autistic person. She's being extremely self-centred.

@twigtree

no I don’t think they were a pair of drunks! I think they sound like a typical pair of uni students especially for those times.

I would suggest autism here. Her behaviour is rigid and controlling. It’s not normal to be angry about a past that she can do nothing about (and that is part of the problem here). Can you gently suggest that she may be neurodivergent and ask her if she’d be willing to seek assessment?