My DD is ultra strict and judges my past

[crackofdawnearly]

My DD is 21. She’s always be sensitive about me being anything other than her boring and safe mum and holding that ideal, which I’ve accepted and am in turn considerate of it as much as I can be. She has never liked knowing about going out clubbing when I was in my twenties or smoking or drinking. It’s not like I was wild, just a typical young person having a life, but it upsets her.

Tonight my DH and me were talking about the night we met and DH said something about my smoking back then and referenced the all night party I went to the following night. DD got upset again and stormed out the room. I went after her and we talked calmly for a bit about it and how she finds the thought of me partying upsetting and I gently tried to rationalise that I did exist before her and how I was was normal. It’s like she cannot accept I’m anything other than her mum. This shows itself in other areas too.

AIBU to think she should grow out of this?
or

AINBU and she needs to accept I’m more than her mum and was young once

You said I diagnosed people. Where is the diagnosis?

It is not about pandering.

It truly is.

She's a grown woman not a child so what is it then? She doesn't have to agree to any assessments the op wants to do on her. Ever watched the Netflix film Run that's what the ops daughter needs to do run.

@twigtree

lol you are sooooooo literal, hun!

I mean, if you want to be pedantic about it we're all judging in one way or another, that was the entire point of the post. The OP came to ask if she was unreasonable. And in my opinion, her daughter is being selfish. Everyone is free to give their own opinion here, it's a forum. I'm not sure which magical utopia you live in where nobody ever judges anyone else but in the real world judgement exists for a reason and people need to be held accountable to some degree for selfish or cruel behaviour.

Am I hun? LOL

Nobody said she has to agree to anything.

@twigtree

yes! Extremely! But never mind, as you were.

Best to be cautious when making accusations rather than be extreme!

@twigtree

🤣

😂

2 of my ND kids (old enough to not be like this anymore, but the ND team have told me this isn't uncommon for ND kids/adults when it comes to muns) are exactly the same with me as your daughter is with you. It's hard sometimes.

As someone who has autism and ADHD myself and has children also with AuAdhd, I find your comment a little harsh. Especially as the poster has stated she thinks her daughter may be autistic. And, if you reply with "I have autistic kids" or "I know autistic adults/kids" then shame on you for judging someone who may well be navigating life with an (possibly) autistic daughter. If you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person. It is a spectrum and we're all as different as you neurological people, we just have a harder time in life, from being judged by small minded people.

And you are ONE ND person. You should know better! I'm AuADHD and so are all 4 of my children. My boys don't care that I got drunk in the past but my 2 daughters present similarly to the posters daughter when it comes to the same situation we are are commenting on. Just because you are ND, doesn't mean you understand. For all we know, you may well have zero understanding of being autistic because your Neurodiversity may be that you're dyslexic or have dyscalculia 🤷 Not to mention autism is a spectrum and just because one autistic person presents with certain traits and can cope with certain issues and/or situations, doesn't mean the next autistic person will be the same.

It does sound like possibly a ND trait? To fixate certain topics or react in a non-conventional way. Also, could she be feeling a little 'indifferent' shall we say, the fact that she is 21 and I assume, the age that you were doing these things? Maybe the fact she isn't doing it as "normal adults" would, she feels perhaps out of touch. Just a thought....

Correct it's not normal . She is even supposed to find it amusing that her mum was once different and having fun

Who is the parent and who is the child here? You absolutely do NOT have to explain yourself to your daughter. When she matures she will see this.

I was very similar with my own mother. I was diagnosed ADHD (probably ASD) in my 40s.

😂😂😂😂 I was going to say the exact same thing. Some serious lacking of any kind of empathy or kindness from Karen.

Thank you for this comment! I'm diagnosed AuAdhd and so are my 4 kids. My 2 daughters are just like the posters daughter. I have never heard of Alexithymia before but it makes absolute sense as to why a lot of autistic people behave in certain ways.. especially given we have difficulties socializing and communicating. I learnt something new today thanks to you. ❤️

Wow. You really DO lack empathy.

And you are ONE ND person. You should know better! I'm AuADHD and so are all 4 of my children. My boys don't care that I got drunk in the past but my 2 daughters present similarly to the posters daughter when it comes to the same situation we are are commenting on. Just because you are ND, doesn't mean you understand. For all we know, you may well have zero understanding of being autistic because your Neurodiversity may be that you're dyslexic or have dyscalculia 🤷 Not to mention autism is a spectrum and just because one autistic person presents with certain traits and can cope with certain issues and/or situations, doesn't mean the next autistic person will be the same.

Does everyone find selling and buying a house stressful never done before just at the start..1 day at a time I guess?

You need to start your own thread.