AIBU about MIL coming round almost every Sunday for dinner

[ML5]

FIL died in February of this year. Last 4 months DH has been inviting his mum (MIL) round for dinner almost every Sunday without checking with me first. I did say to DH to check with me first or at least let me know before he tells his mum but he thinks I am being unreasonable & he wants her to get out of the house more than anything, but I just want my Sundays or most of them to be given a chance to relax as I work during the week.

So AIBU about this or is DH?

4 months is not long at all, please have some compassion

This.

Mix it up, time at yours, time at hers, lunch out.

Look after her, she is going through a lot, as is your DH ( if that was his dad). Perhaps they need some time together.

Do you have children? Imagine if your DH has died and your DC’s are complaining that you want to visit, once a week, for lunch!

Get your husband to do the cooking or get him to take her out every other Sunday instead.
All the work is on you which is unfair and I bet the work will still be all on you when your own mum needs help.

Really? So her dh dies then she can only visit her son once a month? Wow

It’s family and it’s been less than a year. No time at all. No wonder your husband wants to look after her.

Son can visit her anytime he wants, doesn't have to be at his and ops house does it?

He's not though is he, just inviting her over so op looks after her, that's not the same, he's putting no effort in at all.

You are mean OP - end of

I do have compassion but DH does not help
I do all the cooking, cleaning kitchen after & feel like I am running around after MIL, entertaining her and I get very tired. Yes MIL has lost her husband but she does have another son and 2 sisters who live close by.

Stop feeling like you have to ‘host’. Get used to her coming round if the house is a mess and you’re eating beans on toast.

I bet the only reason you feel like it’s an inconvenience is because you change what you would normally do when she comes.

Why can't you just go out and leave them to it? They can sort their own dinner out, surely?

Take yourself off somewhere?

No she's not she's being used as a work horse by her husband whilst he gets all the glory for doing nothing.

Use your words and tell your husband to cook/ clean up stop being a martyr

I can see how this would be annoying but given your husband and his mum have just lost someone I think you could be a bit more chilled out about it while tactfully looking at ways to take the load off. E.g suggest taking food round to her house, get a takeaway, eat out or ask your husband if he’d mind cooking as you’re tired!

How can I be mean when I do all the cooking, cleaning and entertain MIL almost every Sunday. Yes MIL has lost her husband but why should I almost every Sunday without fail have to cook, dine and entertain

I think you have ever right to be told that MIL is coming in advance. But DH has ever right to invite his mum around, as you have the right to bring your mother around. You're cooking the dinner regardless right?

Why do you do all this? Is your husband not capable of cooking or cleaning at all?

She's round every week, you don't need to entertain her... My mum comes round every Friday and I don't feel the need to put on a grand hostess act. She just gets in with it like anyone else does. Sits quietly reading her book, or chatting, or helping clear the table...

Yes I am cooking the dinner regardless but I feel stuck in the kitchen, having to entertain as well

My DM died almost 3 years ago, I have my DDad twice a week for tea and provide him with a meal to take home both days too. Sadly my PIL both died very recently and within a very few weeks of each other. Prior to this they lived in a care home. If they had been at home and/or able to come for a meal each week I would have gladly hosted them or provided them with a meal. We also collect and drive DDad home, it is the least we can do. Please have some empathy OP.

When have we lost so much compassion in society that we cannot help the bereaved. This is shocking. We need to gather around those we love and have loved us when this happens. What are we if not that

Don’t entertain! Just do your normal thing.

But you just want a say to say no? I wouldn’t ask my DH’s permission to have my mum over. He could go out if he wanted…

What entertainment do you need to provide?

Just make dinner and serve, and let DH "host". Leave him to it.

Just go out for a while and let them get on with it.

Feels like there is an easy answer here - get your DH to cook for his mum once in a while