To think this is immature ?

[HockeyMum1996]

My sister’s 17 year son has just dropped out of an A Level course and he has a full time job atm.

Both my sis and my BIL are very well educated, upper middle class professionals- both did A levels, went to uni, worked hard and have now both got senior roles.

My sister clearly isn’t happy that her son left school, and when I went round her house for Sunday Lunch she’d had a few drinks and said in an angry, drunken voice that one of the ladies at church who has a son in the same school year as my nephew, said “I’m sorry for what’s happened” - ie my nephew leaving school. She went on to criticise nephew’s character saying he “couldn’t stick at anything and is hopeless”

my nephew could hear all this and was in the next room.

truth is, my nephew hated school and is much happier in work

AIBU to that sister’s being unreasonable?

my nephew dropped out of A levels - but I feel my sister can’t just scold him because of what another woman said in church ?

my sister has form for being immature abd a bit intolerant of differences

Well I own a house (mortgage) and I didn't go to uni just the same as pretty much everyone I know. Uni does not always equal highly paid job. And working doesn't always mean a minimum wage job forever.

This isn’t Scotland so he shouldn’t have left school for a full time job at 17 regardless. Education or training up to age 18. He can work part time in addition.

@feelingbleh

true!

Not sure I voted correctly 🤔. Got confused 🤔😅. But you're allowed a few false starts when you're young... I made several, and still ended up with a good career, family, etc 😀

I think your nephew has made a mistake. His home life is unhappy due to his mother’s drinking, so he’s taken a path that ensures he’ll be stuck at home for years to come. No university for him. Unless he’s doing an apprenticeship (which according to your posts OP he isn’t), then he won’t be able to move out for a long time. Education is freedom.

@LJShaw you couldn’t be more wrong.

I suspect this person is more concerned about what people at church think!

Not everyone is academic. Good for him, having the gumption to get out there and find a full time job at 17. I’d be supporting him to the hilt.

It’s hard op, in an ideal world we’d all say the perfect thing, but ds has done nothing for exams here, he’s so intelligent and has thrown everything away. I have been biting my lips for weeks. Of course she’s angry and disappointed. She shouldn’t have said it but no doubt they’ll have a calmer conversation sometime soon. Drink never helps!

ps I work in retail so I see how difficult it is to get by when you don’t have qualifications, there’s a lot struggling in here, and I find it tough but am lucky we have a low mortgage. I wouldn’t want to see my son have to figure out how to live on low wages

What kinds of Jobs are they in @FedupofArsenalgame now? And how old?

I think parents who prioritise A levels above all else can do a lot of damage. So many teenagers I work with take them because it's the done thing despite them not suiting them. In my experience, with the boys in particular, this quite often seems to end up in them not attending and getting depressed and isolated in their bedrooms, so I think the way your nephew has dealt with it is great! A full time job at 17 shows work ethic, develops his social and communication skills, boosts his confidence and means he'll be in a better position to take on other opportunities if he wants to later, either progressing in the workplace or going back to study - maybe something more vocational. It's the ones who think anything other than a levels and then a Russel group uni is failure / pointless/ dead end that often hit a wall in my experience.

Your sister is venting her concerns in a very unhelpful way, and also very passive aggressive doing it through reporting other people's views. It's great he has you for support.

Who wouldn't be disappointed with their child effectively wrecking their life chances, at 17? Plenty of children would love to be in the position to have those choices available to them.

No, your sister isn't immature or unreasonable. She is upset at him effectively giving up at 17. Not so bad if he'd got another plan, but working part-time in a pub isn't changing direction, it's accepting minimum wage with no route out of it.

I think the woman at church is a red herring.

Exactly

I suspect because his auntie told him

your dislike of your sister drips off every post

the thread really is about you and your sister

To be honest I think the damage my sister has caused her son due to her drinking is profound regardless of his career direction - but I suppose I could start a whole new thread on that …

I would be very upset too. A job at 17 isn’t one that’s going to be worth dropping out of school for. She shouldn’t have said he is hopeless but what she probably meant that his future will be hopeless without education behind him.

Can he come and live with you?

you make very little mention of his father?

Why were you around their house?

@SalfordQuays

how the hell have you decided that OP’s sister is an alcoholic?! Having a few drinks whilst preparing Sunday lunch does not make one a problem drinker, ffs. Are mothers not allowed to have a drink or two in your book?

His father is a chocolate teapot - just enables his mum’s alcoholism

yes bed here for him if he wants it

I’d been invited for a rare Sunday lunch

@HockeyMum1996

thats a good idea Op - he can come live with you can’t he?

Yes, certainly

My dad was a drunk for most of my childhood. He’s fine now thank god, and he wasn’t a mean drunk just a fucking idiot and very irresponsible. The best thing you can do for your DN is give him a key to your house and tell him he is welcome whenever. If you have a spare room, clear it out and leave it made up for him. Before my mum binned off my dad I would spend a lot of time at my aunts house, she did this for me and sometimes even just knowing someone cares enough to make space for you makes you feel much better.

Sorry this happened but so pleased you had a safe haven ❤️

I do wonder often why my BIL is still with my sister. He can’t be happy surely with the way she behaves I mean in general her behaviour can be summed up as a drunk fuelled

“WAH WAH WAH”

if you see what I mean

so you have said he can move in with you
and he said?

hes an only child?