To think this is immature ?

[HockeyMum1996]

My sister’s 17 year son has just dropped out of an A Level course and he has a full time job atm.

Both my sis and my BIL are very well educated, upper middle class professionals- both did A levels, went to uni, worked hard and have now both got senior roles.

My sister clearly isn’t happy that her son left school, and when I went round her house for Sunday Lunch she’d had a few drinks and said in an angry, drunken voice that one of the ladies at church who has a son in the same school year as my nephew, said “I’m sorry for what’s happened” - ie my nephew leaving school. She went on to criticise nephew’s character saying he “couldn’t stick at anything and is hopeless”

my nephew could hear all this and was in the next room.

truth is, my nephew hated school and is much happier in work

AIBU to that sister’s being unreasonable?

my nephew dropped out of A levels - but I feel my sister can’t just scold him because of what another woman said in church ?

my sister has form for being immature abd a bit intolerant of differences

I honestly wouldn't care as long as he was doing something. I wouldn't be OK if he dropped out and spent 6 months shut in his bedroom on a Xbox but he has a full time job. An education doesn't guarantee a job

That’s not immaturity. Saying that your own son is ‘hopeless’ let alone when he can hear her is cruel. He’s working, he’s obviously not that academic. University isn’t the be all and end all. He can rise up in whatever he’s now doing or get a more vocational qualification. She should support his choices.

You wouldn’t care?

well from the perspective of a very high achieving teen DD, I’d be so worried and anxious if she jacked it in half way through for an unskilled NMW job and I think if you had had that experience rather than what sounds like a very very difficult and distressing one @feelingbleh you most definitely would “care”

Thank you. I agree.

I’m not going to lie, I would privately be furious and very worried and disappointed if my kid dropped out of A levels. It massively limits their opportunities. But I would keep the discussion calm and keep it within the family.

Slagging him off within earshot is unnecessary, unkind and counterproductive. There’s every chance that after working on minimum wage for a year or two he will come to this conclusion on his own and turning this into a battleground is going to make him feel resentful and judged. Making it about someone else’s opinions is not going to help her make this case.

YANBU but well this is MN where mother's are never wrong even when they're calling their poor kids "hopeless" and would much rather their kids thoroughly miserable doing something they hate just so they can brag about how "high achieving" they are to everyone. Nevermind their kids feelings or wellbeing.

Thanks all for your opinions on this .

i meant to say one more thing - to be honest - I’m having my doubts if this woman in church, who I actually met and know, actually said this. She doesn’t seem the type to say

“im sorry for what happened” over a kid who hated school actually leaving school

My son said he wanted to leave school to have his own income to his school friend. He’d previously mentioned to his friend that his mother had an issue with problematic drinking. His friend actually said to him:

“are you happy at home? Cos it can’t be much fun having a mum who’s drunk all the time.”

my nephew replied “no”

I think most of MN parents will feel your sisters pain.

Exactly. You’ve got my sis down to a tee.

I was thinking that. It feels like your sister has projected her feelings onto this woman and then used her response to back up her own argument.

It sounds like your sister may have ranted at her about this, the woman made some platitudinous acknowledgment (ie “sorry to hear this”), and your sister’s taken it and turned it into a much stronger opinion to back up the idea that others are condemning his behaviour. When probably they are just trying to be polite.

You son overheard this exchange or his friend told his that his cousin had said this?

are you worried about your sister? Care about her? Close to her? Hell no

Sorry - misleading I meant

my NEPHEW - NOT my son!

Sorry all I should’ve taken more care while typing !

Do you have a son?

and how on earth do you know about a chat your nephew had with a school friend?

this is getting weird

No I meant to say NEPHEW not son as I’ve said in my post above.

Sorry I should’ve take more care while typing

I’m totally confused

so you have a son? He was talking to your nephew?

My nephew told me about this convo. He’s an only child and is finding his home life difficult

So if your nephew had a chat with a friend

how do you know about the chat?

Is anyone doing anything about the drinking in this family aside from starting mumsnet threads about their nephew?

No I meant to put NEPHEW and I mistakenly put son. I’ve explained this above.

Sorry about this j should taken more care while typing

I

Yes I understand

as an aside,,, you don’t have any children?

What can I do about the drinking? Realistically?

I don’t mean this unkindly, btw - I know what you’re saying. My BIL is too passive to address it.

im afraid she’ll go into a rage if I tried to address it

Hang on - so your well educated, upper middle class professional sister has a drinking problem? I think she has more issues than her son dropping out of sixth form to be frank.

If he’s not particularly academic and had no plans to go onto university anyway then I think he’s done the right thing. There’s plenty of paths in life, A Levels isn’t the only one.

My nephew told me. My nephew is fed up of my sister’s behaviour

I don't see her problem. He's got himself a full time job, and so what if it's nmw? He's got to start somewhere. Not everyone is academic smart and he can go back to education at any time. If she has a drink problem and is horrible about and to him, chances are he's working on earning enough money to move out.